The Grand Seduction Page #4

and Lamb Dhansak.

Lamb Dhansak?

Yes, it's our famous

Lamb Dhansak Festival.

I'll take that.

Okay then! One Lamb Dhansak.

Hi.

So, uh, I've been drinking.

That's exactly what a

girl wants to hear

when a stranger knocks on her

door in the middle of the night.

Well, I asked where you lived.

So, I just... I just

wanted to apologize.

At ten o'clock?

What, is there some kind of

curfew here for apologies?

Are you open for business today?

Yeah.

Just, um...

I'm just gonna need a minute.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Dr. Lewis.

- Herbert.

- Dr. Lewis. Come on in.

Dr. Lewis. Come on in.

Have a seat.

Breathe in and out.

Nice, big, wide,

and give me a long "ah"...

Ah...

In and out.

Ah...

There you go.

- Ah! Any swelling?

- Ooh!

Okay.

That's pretty good, huh? Right?

That's pretty good.

We're gonna put a bandage on there,

and then you will be on your way.

Okay, if you wanna lay down

here, head here, please,

and we'll take a peek.

- Okay, any pain when I push down?

- No.

- And when I release?

- No.

All right, Calvert, you mind

if I take a peek at that?

- Yeah.

- Great.

Who put this on, if I may ask you?

I put that on myself.

Hmm... Okay.

Well, uh, I got what you could

call persistent athlete's foot.

- Okay.

- It's itchy.

- Itchy, itchy all the time.

- Okay.

And it's moving up!

It's no longer athlete's

foot, it's athlete's leg.

And I'm scared it'll go even higher.

- Mm-hmm.

- Do you wanna see?

Sure.

Oh, yeah. That's, um...

Mm-hmm.

If the pain's still there, just come

back and see me in two weeks.

- Uh, Lisa got the plantar warts.

- Don't!

Keith fell down, scraped

up his leg Wednesday,

James, Sherry and Krista all got

the ear infection last month,

and little Kenny here

coughs at night.

I mean I don't know, maybe it's

asthma or maybe it's allergies.

- And David still wets his bed.

- Mom!

Well, he's a doctor!

I mean, I tried

everything, you know?

Threats, treats. Nothing works.

He is a bed wetter!

Anything else?

I need to go on the pill.

So, officially, you're not

coming this Tuesday?

- You know how it is with work.

- Look, I'm not gonna last a full month here

- without seeing you.

- I know.

You know, it's beyond hectic.

Uh, I'll call you right back.

- Okay, bye!

- Yep. Okay, bye.

- Hey, pal.

- Hey!

- How was your first day?

- Busy! Yeah.

Real busy, Murray.

And at this rate,

I doubt I'll last a week.

Are you all completely mad?

The doctor said he saw

43 patients in one day!

He said he witnessed things

he'd never seen before

in his entire medical career.

He said, and I quote,

"I felt like I'd been transported

back to medieval times."

Is this how we seduce

our good doctor?

Who here has a case of

creeping athlete's foot?

Who?

Frank?

Frank, you said to yourself,

"The best way to convince

the doctor to live here

"is to show him that there

exists here in Tickle Head

"some kind of powerful foot fungus"?

Well, it is very uncomfortable.

From now on, I'll take the

doctor's appointments.

All right, Annette...

- Who's next?

- Over here...

Aw, jeez!

- Frank?

- I know, I know, no more athlete's foot.

No, no, no. You like music, right?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, great, 'cause the doctor loves jazz.

Oh, man, I hate jazz.

- Yeah? So, I'm busy.

- Right.

- I gotta be somewhere.

- Yeah.

So I'm really counting

on you, Frank. Thanks.

No, no, no... I hate jazz!

I hate jazz! Ah!

Good morning.

Come on in.

- Hello?

- Mr. Anderson?

- This is Murray French, from Tickle Head.

- Who?

Murray French.

The new mayor of Tickle Head.

We're bidding for the repurposing

facility you guys are...

Oh yes, yes, yes! Yes, Mr. French.

I remember your town's proposal now.

Well, I'm just calling to tell you that

we've got a doctor assigned full-time.

Great news.

I'll make a note of that.

But to be perfectly honest with

you, the town of Port Anne

has made a dazzling bid.

Well, we can beat

anything they offer.

Anything.

Yeah, no, they've been very creative

- in coming up with an idea...

- Well, now, we can be creative.

Believe me, Trip,

we can be creative.

Sir, they've actually included

a personal assurance...

How much is their

personal assurance?

A bribe! He wants a bribe?

- That's how these things work!

- Yeah, $100,000?

It's nothing to what the

factory will generate!

I can't get you that kind

of money, all right?

Here.

It's just a loan!

Murray, there's no way that my boss

is gonna give me that kind of money.

Your boss? Why don't

you make a decision?

I'm this close to being

replaced with an ATM.

You're already an ATM!

I told you, we had to

do this the proper way.

You could've worn a tie!

They watch these videos!

What can I do for you

today, gentlemen?

Henry, you know why we're here!

A loan? I see!

Names?

I'm gonna punch you in the throat.

Easy, Simon. Easy.

Names?

Same as yesterday.

I've come my dear

for to take my leave

I'm going to sail love

Do not weep

Going to sail o'er

the Spanish shore

And I'll leave my fair one

I'll leave my fair one

Leave my fair one

The girl I adore

No cold no danger need I fear

I'm going to sail in a privateer

And if God pleases

to spare my life

When I return love

I'll make you my wife

There's one thing more

that disturbs my mind

When you're rambling

on the Spanish shore

Oh you ne'er will think on...

Barb?

Murray? What are you

doing? Oh, my God!

He never liked that spaghetti.

It gave him the vicious heartburn.

He still misses that dog.

It's a spaniel. Bucket is

his name. Cute name.

Maybe... maybe we should get

him a pet or something.

- What's that?

- What?

The page.

Doodles.

Show me.

- No.

- Come on.

It's private information.

It could hurt him.

Vera, we won't hurt him.

I promise.

He never had a father.

Hmm...

Ah, this is great!

It's really nice.

Fantastic.

So, what's happenin'

with, uh, Kathleen?

Postmistress Kathleen?

Ah, you two are the

talk of the harbour.

I mean, that's flattering, Murray,

and she is drop-dead gorgeous.

I mean...

But I can assure you that there is

nothing going on with her and I.

I mean nothing.

So what about the cocaine addiction?

My... I... It's not a...

It's... it's under control.

You sure?

Well, then you should bloody

well stop messing about with it.

- Absolutely.

- It'll ruin your life.

Ruin it!

- It really is...

- Your life.

You're right.

Ruin it!

Ah, she... she talks

about you all the time.

You know, I feel I'm pretty

good at picking up signals,

but... but from her, it's just...

I mean, it is distant.

I'm talking... I'm talking distant.

Well, you know, since

you're engaged,

she maybe prefers to keep her distance

a little bit, but she is in love.

What? Murray, she's in... with me?

Well, that's what she said.

- Something about your smile, or...

- What?

There you go. That's the one.

No. No.

That's it, that's the smile

right there. It drives her wild.

I will catch one, I promise

you that, before I leave.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes