The Grand Seduction Page #6

How do they live like this?

It's ridiculous!

Everyone deserves the

right to have a doctor!

I mean, we have reached the

21st century, haven't we?

Oh, and get this. Get this.

So, the mayor was telling me

about this man, Mr. Smith.

He had a heart attack

in broad daylight,

and people are just watching

because they have no one to call.

So, Mr. Smith just dies because

they have no one to call.

He dies. He dies!

- Hmm...

- Who's Mr. Smith?

- I mean...

- Just something that could've happened.

...to have a doctor.

- Don't you agree?

- Mm-hmm.

- Helen?

- Yeah.

- Are you listening?

- Yeah, I'm listening.

- It just seems like you're not listening.

- No, it's just... I'm late. I have to go.

Well, I'm sorry to bother you

with the woes of a tiny harbour.

I'll call you. I love you.

Love you, too.

He adores her. How are you

gonna get her to come?

- Yeah?

- Jack.

- Hey!

- Hey. Paul.

Hey, man. Gone crazy out

there yet? What's up?

- That's his best friend.

- Hey, can you do me a favour

and record Pakistan vs. England?

And don't tell me the score this

time, it defeats the whole purpose.

- Okay.

- And secondly, have you seen Helen lately?

- No, why?

- I don't know.

She's acting super

weird on the phone.

Can you just... Can you

keep an eye on her?

Yeah, no problem.

Okay, listen up.

Mr. Anderson from the

oil company just called.

We've got a problem.

150 labourers are needed

for this facility,

and if we do not fill that quota,

we will not get a factory.

We can make it work if

everybody works together.

So, here's the plan.

The government census says 125.

There are people in

our little harbour

who've been living under

the radar for years now,

not paying taxes, see?

No cod, no work.

Hmm.

Come on, Billy!

Hurry! Go!

Okay, quick,

put it down there! Yeah!

See? It's all there.

And they haven't been

collecting welfare?

Simple bureaucratic error.

There's a population of 221

people here, Mr. Anderson.

Well, we're gonna need you to back

that up more extensively, Mr. French.

Well, who you gonna trust?

Some bean counter in Ottawa,

who's never even been here,

or the town mayor who knows better?

I have counted every head.

I can't just trust

you on this. Sorry.

Okay, I have an idea.

How many people do you

think are here right now?

100, give or take.

84, Trip.

Follow me. I wanna

show you something.

- What?

- Come on.

Okay! Okay, go!

Go, go!

Hey. Hey!

Where's everyone going?

It's, uh, eight o'clock.

Entertainment Tonight is on.

How about a drink?

A lot of people now don't come

out of their houses too much.

Then, of course, there's a lot more

that'll move back once there's jobs.

You got the elderly on

top of that, I guess.

So, there's a lot of

people here, all right.

Cheers.

Oh, I'd say twice the population here

before the fishing was stopped.

And, uh, yeah, they'll be

all back pretty quick.

Right up this way.

Where are we going, exactly?

All right, I'm calling it.

No, no, no! Stay, stay!

Let's talk cricket!

I love the game. I love it.

Come on! Come on, come on.

Hurry up!

Sit down, sit down.

- I 23!

- Bingo!

Ladies and gentlemen, we have

ourselves a lucky winner.

Can we get a caller down

there to check her out?

- Good bingo!

- We do indeed have ourselves a bingo!

Next game is the letter T!

The letter T!

- Oh, what did you pick?

- B 14! B 14!

82, Trip.

Next game is for the

magic T! Magic T!

There you go.

Roll on, boy. Roll on.

Boys, you go on ahead.

I'll see you at the chopper.

So, how's the, uh, personal

assurance coming along?

Consider it done, Mr. Anderson.

That's fantastic.

We'll be in touch, then.

We will.

Oh! Yeah, how do I get back

to that restaurant thingy?

- The restaurant?

- Yeah, I forgot my hat.

Um... down to the left

there, it'll take you down.

- Huh?

- I'll meet you there.

Okay.

Back! Everybody back!

He's headin' back to Joe's!

Change your clothes!

The best wicket keeper. Who?

One, two, three.

- Adam Gilchrist!

- Adam Gilchrist!

My God, it's like we're...

- No way!

- Yeah!

- You remember that one game in...

- Oh...

- '06?

- '06!

Hi, there.

I believe you have my hat.

Oh! Uh, sorry.

I was, uh... I was

just keepin' it warm.

Can I have it back?

Yeah, of course. Of course.

Where did everybody go?

- Uh...

- It's after 8.

Entertainment Tonight's on.

Ah!

Yeah.

He said "ah", and then he left.

- He just left?

- Yeah!

"Ah"?

So, like, "Ah..."

Or was it, "Ah, you bloody liars!"

Murray, I'm sorry, I didn't pay

attention to the "ah", okay?

I never drink! I'm not

used to drinking.

I need a beer.

...more character than we've

seen so far this morning.

Now back to the

action in the middle.

Poised right now.

They've been 225 for 5.

Let's see what he gives us.

Cook and Bell looking to

rebuild the inning somewhat.

Hilfenhaus will be coming

in once more to Bell.

A long run.

Nice!

He saw the gap square at the wicket

on the offside, there. Great vision.

Exactly. He's good.

- Leg before wicket.

- Aw!

Leg before wicket!

Come on! Watch the replay!

- Right here. Watch the replay!

- Do we need to?

You're right, we don't.

You're right.

- It's not cricket, boys.

- That's not cricket at all.

No.

That's put England's stock lower

than they were a few minutes ago.

See what he serves up here.

Big one coming up.

- That's a glorious...

- Nice stroke!

Nice! That's good! Cheers!

Here we go! It is gone, gentlemen!

I'm off to water the lily.

Keep an eye!

It's heating up, guys!

It's heating up!

If I was there, I'd take

one of them flat bats

and I'd beat the crap out

of every last one of them.

They have no right calling

this a sport. It's not a sport!

No, it's like watching

baseball, only longer.

Nothing makes sense. Joe! Joe, get the

score on the Habs game. Quick, quick!

- Quick.

- ...to the point for Diaz!

Sends it in the corner of the Jets' zone,

and the puck comes back to the point...

Canadiens on the power play.

Ryder on the right side...

- Get it, get it, get it...

- Come on, come on...

Fires, scores!

No!

All right!

Quiet down. Quiet down!

Change it back. Change it back.

- What did I miss?

- Nothing, we're just fooling with ya.

- No!

- Yeah!

Seriously, what happened?

What did I miss?

The, uh, thrower threw

and then they hit and they scored

loads of points in a very...

spectacular manner.

'Cause they were running

and running and running,

and then... and then bam!

The enemy cross-checked

the hell out of the runner,

in a very spectacular manner.

'Cause it was...

I thought it was

surprising, you know?

'Cause if you ask me, it was

definitely egg before wicket.

Mm-hmm.

- He does not look to be much of a happy...

- I get it.

I get it.

You're piss drunk again, aren't you?

Yes! Yeah! I'm loaded!

- Yeah, I'm loaded. Don't mind me.

- Ignore him. We do!

Right pissed!

Hey, Joe, can I get a double rum

when you get a chance, please?

Ah!

Eh?

20 smackers right here!

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