The Grand Seduction Page #7

- You just find that?

- I just found it right there!

- Every time!

- Whoa!

- Yeah.

- Unbelievable.

Smackers. Every time.

Aw, man! That's amazing!

Hi, you've reached Helen.

Leave me a message.

Well...

You're still not answering.

Alas I am left only

with my thoughts.

I had a dream last night.

I dreamt of us living by the sea.

There was the afternoon barbeque,

three little children

running around.

I saw our future last night,

and it was perfect.

You'd love it here.

Sweet dreams.

We gotta sign him right away.

Right away!

- Nah, it's too soon.

- Why too soon?

Well, the hook is in.

Now comes the hard part.

Like me father used to say,

"Jiggin' the fish is easy.

After that, you have

to pull him in."

You have to convince the fish

that the best place in the whole

wide world is in the boat.

How the hell are we gonna do that?

Nope! Nothing!

Looks it's gonna be a while.

- You're stuck here, boy.

- My boss is gonna kill me!

In the meantime,

why don't you just relax

and spend some time

in our fine harbour?

You got any clean clothes?

No!

I've got some.

I think hunting is something you learn.

I think it's something you're...

This boat was particularly...

Joe!

So, who's the new guy?

Oh, uh, he's applying

to be our new doctor.

Uh, we need one to get a

new repurposing plant.

He wants to sign for five years.

Oh, I hear he's great!

What'd you say?

You're hilarious!

Sorry, another round for

the table, Joe, please.

Paul, hi! Didn't see

you there! How are ya?

Listen, I forgot to say, uh...

you got a day off tomorrow.

Dr. Morris is filling in.

- Sure, whatever you need.

- All right!

- I'll maybe go fishing tomorrow!

- Sure, why not?

- Murray!

- Paul!

Ready for some big-time fishing?

Uh, sorry, boss.

I... I gotta stick around,

you know, help out Dr. Morris.

Okay, doctor?

Go ahead!

Another time, then.

Yeah! Sorry!

Hi, Paul!

When'll the boat be ready?

Soon!

I think we got the doctor.

I think we got him!

- Oh, that's terrific, Murray!

- Yeah, you'll be coming back, Barb.

That's great! I'm really glad.

You'll be coming back?

I love you Murray.

I really miss you.

I know we talk on the

phone all the time, but...

- it's not the same.

- No.

You're not here.

You're not lying beside me.

I miss you. I really,

really miss you.

Yeah.

If you were here, I'd...

kiss your neck.

- Murray...

- Yeah!

And then I'd kiss a

little bit lower maybe.

- Murray!

- You don't, uh, fancy

just unfastening the button on

your blouse there a bit, do ya?

Okay.

Yeah, just a little bit.

I need to get in there.

No, I'm always happy to

take your call, Henry,

but he's made his

decision based on policy.

But he rejected a very

solid loan application.

Henry, I've reviewed

the file personally,

out of respect for you.

- Well, you live in Tickle Head.

- Well, that's just the thing, Mrs. Carter,

because it's a bit of a chicken

and the egg scenario right now,

'cause the harbour is on the cusp

of a very lucrative contract.

We don't deal in "justs".

Our clients assume the risks,

not us. You know this.

I've been an employee of this bank

for 18 years now, Mrs. Carter.

Henry, your job is to cash

welfare cheques once a month.

It's simple. I'm not trying to

minimize your years of loyalty.

- You started under my own father, but...

- Don't say it. Don't say it.

...we could replace you

with an automatic teller.

She said it.

What's this?

That's our, uh, loan, for the bribe.

And this, that's my

rsum for the factory.

I'm gonna lose my job over this.

That loan will cost us

$500 a month for 20 years.

- Wow!

- Yeah.

Thanks, Henry.

Thanks.

Murray! Murray!

What? What?

- After you dropped me off this morning...

- Paul left a message...

One at a time!

- Okay, all right.

- You go ahead.

Okay.

Paul was calling Helen,

but she wasn't answering him,

so he left her a long message. Long!

Then he started talking

about her feet

and oiling her machine!

That is not important!

I'm very troubled by

that machine stuff.

Will you get to the point?

Paul was calling everywhere.

He phoned his friend Jack.

His best friend!

She was with him!

Helen's been cheatin'

on him for three years!

- With his best friend!

- It's over! It's over!

He got no more ties.

He has no ties.

Well...

Rough day?

It's over with Helen.

I'm sorry, Paul.

Don't be.

Everything in the past

three years is...

She's only with my best friend.

My best friend.

I mean, it's only a best friend.

But what I can't

comprehend is how...

...is how I didn't realize

that absolutely everything

around me was false.

Everybody was telling me lies.

Hmm!

'Cause, I mean, my so-called

friends, they must have known.

The two of them must've met when I

was behind the operating table,

probably giving someone a new nose,

maybe some new breasts,

or those fake cheekbones that

everyone knows they're fake!

Nobody has cheekbones like

that, Murray, nobody!

No one has cheekbones like that.

Nobody.

I'm clocking out.

- Good night, Paul.

- Good night.

You know, Murray...

I set out to be a

doctor to save lives.

What happened?

Simon!

Who is it?

The tooth fairy.

Well, you're 55 years late,

and you're uglier than

I thought you'd be.

He'll sign now.

- Hello, Murray.

- Vera.

How's Barb gettin' on? Any news?

- Yeah, she's good.

- Good!

Wouldn't be too much,

would it, if I asked

what in the name of God

you're doing here in our bed?

Sorry, I know it's

after office hours.

Well, it's not so much the

time that bothers me,

it's the fact that we're

all here in bed together.

It's the whole threesome thing

I'm not that comfortable with.

Now, now, now! He doesn't

drop by that often.

You won't be that

long, then, will ya?

Not long.

Very good, then. Hmm!

Simon?

Yes?

Have you thought about what

happens after he signs?

When he finds out who we really are?

That it's all been lies, we've

been lying to him for a month?

Little white lies.

It'll kill him.

It'll absolutely kill him.

So, we're down to two

choices, really.

We can throw the fish back in the water,

call off the seduction thing with Paul,

concentrate on Anderson

from the oil company...

or for 24 hours a day for the next five

years we can keep up the whole charade,

but it has to be all the time.

Paul must never know.

It'll break his heart!

I'm telling you straight away, I am

not listening to jazz for five years!

I mean, you try listening

to jazz fusion!

I dare any one of you

to listen to jazz fusion!

If I listen to one more jazz musician

blow his sorrow through his trumpet,

I will kill myself! I will do it,

I will hang myself, I will...

- The Lord is with you!

- And also with you!

Let us pray!

Uh, sorry for the interruption.

- Uh, that's okay!

- I just want to say a few words, if I may.

Okay!

Thank you.

Well, my month here is almost over,

and, well, I wanted to tell all of you

that I've come to know Tickle Head

as, well, tiny, lacking

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