The Grass Is Greener Page #4

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Now, just stay right there.

Don't move, I want to

get one more picture.

Darling, have you

seen my Bible anywhere?

Well, I'm sorry. I

thought you were alone.

Isn't it by your bed?

No, it isn't. I want to read

through the lessons before sunday.

Search for it high and low.

Maddening maddening.

Oh perhaps Sellers knows where it is.

You're from the press, are you?

No, I'm not.

Well, you've got a camera.

You've just took a photograph.

Mr. Delacro is an American.

Oh, I see.

I thought you were from Good

Housekeeping or something.

As you probably gathered, Mr.

Delacro, this is my husband.

Oh, I'm very happy to meet you.

How do you do.

Now that's absurd, isn't it?

Two complete strangers meet.

One pretends it's made him happy

and the other replies

by inquiring how he does.

What's wrong with hello?

- What indeed. It's none committal. Hello.

- Hello.

You rang, my lord?

Oh yes, I did, Sellers. Have

you seen my Bible anywhere?

Oh, I'm extremely sorry, my

lord. I'm afraid I've got it.

I wanted to look something up.

First you borrow my Times,

then you pinch my Bible.

That's democracy running amok.

I'm very sorry indeed, my lord.

I'll put it back beside your bed.

Anyway, you should have

a Bible of your own.

Well the one you're

using, is mine, my lord.

Well know, why are we all

standing about. Do sit down.

Thank you.

Tell me, are you a

very keen photographer?

Oh, I get a lot of fun out of it, yes.

Oh, you must have taken some beauties

of the centuries at Buckingham Palace.

As a matter of fact,

I have. All in color.

Really?

The one you took right

now. Was that in color?

Yes.

Oh, you must let me

have one if it comes out.

Oh, Victor, don't be so old-fashioned.

Nowadays, all photographs

"come out", as you call it.

You're still living in the world of

the Brownie (=Camera from 1 900).

Are you over here for

some time, Mr. Delacro?

I'll be in Europe all summer, I hope.

Really?

Oh, I'm sorry. There

aren't any, are there.

Well, are you staying nearby or are you

making a quick tour of all the stately homes?

- There are four hundred of them now, you know.

- Oh?

Yes, half-crown ones, I mean.

Are there really?

Yes, here we are.

- Well, go on, I have some

more. Thanks, I don't smoke.

Well, that would take you the

best part of summer, wouldn't it?

If you plan to see them all.

Tell me, did you buy the booklet?

Yes, I did.

Mr. Delacro's just had a week's fishing.

He's on his way back to London.

Really? Where were you staying?

With a friend of mine at

Fortingbridge, near Salisbury.

Josh Peters.

That's right.

Oh, I've known Josh all my life.

Since I was eight, anyway.

We had chicken pox together.

That must be a great bond between you.

Darling, you must remember

to keep this door closed.

Anybody could walk in.

Well, you had good weather.

How was the fishing?

Well, on the whole, it was pretty fair.

There were some big fish around,

but I'm afraid your friend, Josh

Peters, did a lot better than I did.

Well, and so he should. He knows that

water as well as he know his own wife.

Much prefers it, too.

Oh, Victor, don't be vulgar.

Well, it's perfectly true, darling.

She stands six foot two

in her stocking feet,

and there's always been a certain amount

of doubt whether she could read and write.

You ought to be very tall by the end

of the month when the mayfly hatch.

Best couple of weeks

in the whole season.

Well, as a matter of fact, I was

invited. So, possibly I shall be.

Well, there's a very good article on

the mayfly in last week's Angling Times.

Did you see it?

No, I didn't.

Well, I wouldn't think so, would I.

Where is it, it's always there.

Well, I suppose Sellers has it.

Well, look here. Why don't you

stay and have a cup of tea with us.

Well, that's very kind of you.

Darling, is there any

of that Dundee cake left?

Oh, yes, yes. I think so.

Oh, then you must stay. It's simply

delicious. Do you like Dundee cake?

Very much.

Well, then it's all settled, then.

Then after tea, we'll take

a walk around the garden.

I'll try and find that Angling Times.

You think he knew?

Oh, yes. He knew.

He knew at once.

Well, I'm afraid that's my fault. You know

you can control yourself but not that uh...

excitement inside you, generating

something into the atmosphere.

Not through you.

Through me.

Turn to the last page in that little

book and read the last paragraph.

Present Earl and Countess have

been married for ten years.

They have a son in heir aged

six and a daughter aged nine.

And were very happy.

And you're not staying for tea.

- Why not?

- Because I don't want you to.

Make some excuse and say goodbye.

Ah, now we've lost the Angling

Times. It's astonishing.

Well, there it is. Now

who could've put it there.

I'll try to find that article for you.

I was just telling your wife

that I completely forgotten that

I have tickets to a show tonight.

So, I'm afraid I won't be able to accept

your offer of Dundee cake after all.

Oh, that is disappointing.

Can't you persuade him to

change his mind, darling?

No, she's done her very best to tempt

me, but I really must be going along.

Lady Rhyall, goodbye.

I hope we meet again.

Goodbye, Mr. Delacro.

Oh, will come and see you off.

Where's your car? The car park?

Yes, it is but don't bother.

I'm sure I can find my way.

It's not bother at all.

And you mustn't get

lost again, must you?

Come on dear.

Ah, well, I'm sure Mr.

Delacro will forgive me.

I really do have rather

a lot to do, Victor.

You take him down, would you?

Well, again goodbye, and thank

you very much for your kindness.

Tell me, where are

you staying in London?

At the Savoy.

Well, now that you know your way here,

as they say, you must come down again.

Thank you.

What are your immediate plans?

Well, as a matter of fact,

there was some doubt about those.

But I shall be staying in

London for two weeks anyway.

Really?

Isn't this our pleasure?

Pleasure, I hope.

Nice car you've got.

I'm trading it on a Rolls

Oh, that's a great compliment

if you prefer something English.

You seem to be quite an Anglo-phile.

Well, there are a number of things

I find attractive in this country.

And how do you rate current

Anglo-American relations?

I like to think that they haven't been

better since the War of Independence.

Course there's always

room for improvement.

If you go straight down the driveway

and turn to the left into the village.

You're on the main road to London.

Thank you.

And there's your Angling Times.

Well, so long, be seeing

you, as they say in America.

Cheerio, as you say in England.

Oh, what a nice fellow.

Didn't you think so?

Oh, I hadn't noticed really.

What did you say his name was?

Charles.

Charles Delacro. I think it was.

Good-looking, too. A pity

he couldn't stay for tea.

Did you say you had rather

a lot to do, darling?

Oh! Yes, yes, I have.

I must go and finish the mushrooms.

"Thou shalt not covet

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