The Grass Is Greener Page #5

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thy neighbors wife...

"nor his ox, nor his ass,

nor anything that is h...

Oh, that's the wrong chapter, isn't it.

Darling, I'm going to eat

in pajamas. Do you mind?

Darling, do you mind

if I dine in pajamas?

No, of course not.

When?

When? What do you mean when?

Hmm?

When what?

Oh, when the wind changes.

What did you say?

I asked if you mind if I

dined in a suit of armor.

What's the matter with you tonight?

I don't know. There's something

wrong with me, I suppose.

The jealous husband who killed in defense

of home and marriage was acquitted today.

And the case has now ended to the

unanimous approval of press and public.

Outside the courtroom,

husband and wife were fondly reunited.

Local news.

The jealous husband who killed in defense

of home and marriage was acquitted today.

Look, Mommy. Look!

Why didn't you tell me?

Tell you what, darling?

That I got odd shoes on?

Oh, I though you knew?

What do you mean you thought I knew?

Oh, I thought you were reading

one of those dress articles.

You know, why not be different?

If you can't be chic, be odd.

That's right, dear,

tuck in the white one.

Have you finished with it, my darling?

There you are.

Oh, this is what they call

a quiet weekend at home.

I want a London call, please.

Ranos, good morning.

Hold on one moment, Lady Rhyall,

I'll just check to make sure.

Yes, Monsieur Ren can take

you at nine tomorrow morning.

Nine o'clock?

Oh yes, that would be perfect.

Yes, thank you very much, goodbye.

Hello.

Hello?

Hello, this is Victor

Rhyall here. Who's speaking?

Oh!

Hello.

I was just down to the hairdressers.

They can only take me at

nine o'clock in the morning.

Oh, that's quite early, isn't it?

What will you do? Go up

to London this evening?

Um, yes, I think I'll have to.

I had a feeling you'd

be going into London.

Oh? Why?

Oh, I don't know, I thought it was

about time your hair needed doing.

What will you do, stay with Hattie?

Yes, I suppose so.

Hadn't you better call

her? Let her know?

Oh yes, I suppose I'd better.

There's a train at

5:
12 this afternoon...

or you could catch the 6:15.

London call, please.

Number 2656.

Perhaps you'd like to dine

early and go off later.

No, the 5:
12 will be fine.

Oh, Hattie's line is sure

to be busy. It always is.

Hold the line!

Hattie, darling. What are you doing?

I'll call you right back.

Who's calling?

Oh, Hil, darling.

I've just flooded the bathroom floor.

I'll call you back in ten minutes.

Are you at home?

Ah, Mr. Delacro, I've made inquiries

about the latest hairdressers.

There's a page boy on

his way up to you now

with the names, addresses, and

telephone numbers of the best ones.

Can you tell me if Lady Rhyall

has an appointment with you?

I'm sorry, sir. Lady Rhyall

is not a client of ours.

No, sir. Quite sure, sir.

Yes, sir. She has.

London train.

There you are, darling.

And here's your ticket.

Don't lose it and don't

speak to strangers.

Enjoy yourself and

give my love to Hattie.

I'll be back tomorrow evening.

I'll expect you when I see you.

Stand away, please.

Stand away.

I beg your pardon. Didn't

you have a French grandfather?

Oh, hello Mr. Delacro.

How long are you going to be in London?

I don't know.

Long enough to have lunch with me.

Well, I don't know.

Good. Where should we go?

Well, I don't know.

You just don't know

anything at all, do you?

- Well, I'm afraid I...

- Oh, no!

There are many surprises.

- I'm terribly sorry, it's my fault.

- So sorry.

Better take you out and get

you a collar and a leash.

I wonder if I ever

would have phoned you.

Now I'll never know. Will I?

Well, if you hadn't behaved like an

amateur detective, you would've found out.

You know, I think we ought to go.

May I have the bill please?

Will you marry me?

No.

Will you have dinner with me?

Yes.

Oh! What a happy day.

Thank you, Charles.

And what shall we do tomorrow?

Well, it doesn't really matter, does it?

Well, we've been surrounded

by people all day long.

Let's try to avoid them from now on.

Tell Mrs. Bankshop that if she ever gives

me mushrooms to eat again, out she goes.

Oh, very good, my lord.

Dreadful things. I scrubbed my hands all

night and couldn't get rid of the smell.

Even her ladyship wears gloves, my lord.

Will she be returning this evening?

I don't think so, Sellers.

I'll just dine on the tray.

Oh, that's such a maddening bird.

It's a popular expression,

isn't it, my lord?

He's gone cuckoo.

Who's gone cuckoo?

Well, no one, my lord.

You said it was a maddening bird.

And I mentioned that's how

the expression originated.

Oh, I see.

His call always sounds to me like

a sort of kreed-a-kur, my lord.

Kreed-a-kur?

Is that from your novel?

We all applaud to him so much because he gives

such a wonderful welcome when he first arrives.

Because he gives such a wonderful

welcome when he first arrives,

articles about him and letters

in the newspapers and so on.

But from then on,

everybody simply hates him.

No, I don't blame them.

Having a failure after a good

press must be very discouraging.

Ooh, perhaps I'm looking at it more

from a novelist's point of view, my lord.

That's the latter. Now,

I want a drink and a bath.

How's the time? Are you

alright for the train?

Nearly a quarter to six.

Better hurry and get yourself a

glass, too, for you on the way back.

Take it out of the mushroom account.

Hello, Hattie. What are you doing here?

Hello, darling. How are you?

Splendid, thanks. How are you?

Never better.

Pleased to see me?

Not very.

Surprised to see me?

Not very.

And I payed half a crown to

come in halfway specially.

No you didn't.

I call it a swindle.

What do you mean I didn't?

You came in that way

because you knew that just about a week

ago today someone else came in that way,

and you thought what fun

it would be to do the same.

Darling, I love you more

and more everytime I see you.

Oh that's good.

But you're only half right.

If I come in the normal way you...

would have told Sellers to say that

you had gone out or abroad or something.

That's right.

Such a pity.

Our love for each other is

founded on mutual distrust.

Help me out with my

coat. Would you, darling?

What? With my foot?

No.

What makes you think I love you?

Well, you did once upon a time.

I think you even put it in writing.

Well, then. Here, do

something with that.

I suppose you want a drink.

I'd like some champagne, please.

Well, I haven't any, and if I had

some I doubt if I'd give it to you.

Oh, I know how you must be feeling,

darling. But you mustn't get bitter.

Whiskey or gin? Or there's some

cooking sherry in the kitchen?

Gin, please.

Tonic, soda, ginger ale, or water?

Pink!

And would you mind

burning the Angustura?

Well, no I can't make those things.

Besides, I don't have any matches.

Oh, in my bag.

Ooh, wait a minute.

Here.

Savoy?

Have you been there recently?

Not recently. No.

- I expect you got them from Hilary.

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