The Grass Is Greener Page #8

---

so tall, and rather stupid.

What kind of line do you use?

It's, uh, an American line.

I've been using it all my life.

Had good luck with it?

Not too bad. Of course,

one gets away now and then.

I hate that.

Well, now.

The winds a little tricky on this side.

So I suggest, as you're the guest,

you'd better fish over there.

Oh, thanks.

You're perfectly welcome.

Bear to your left.

How's that?

I said, bear to your left.

About here?

That's right.

Right?

Whoop!

Oh, that's very funny.

If I'd known he was going to do

that I'd put a hole in his waders.

What's that?

I said, I hope you don't

have a hole in your waders!

Oh, no.

- Dry as a bone.

- I beg your pardon?

I said, dry as a bone!

He's not only stupid, he's deaf.

He's not only deaf, he's stupid.

Oh, not there.

Mind the deep hole.

Sorry. I can't hear you.

I said, mind the deep...! Just

a moment, I'll come over there.

What were you tring to tell me?

Mind the deep hole.

What on Earth do you imagine

they're talking about?

- Fish.

- Oh, not still.

From a woman's point of view,

the amount of time that men spend

talking about fish is quite humiliating.

But perhaps on this occassion,

we should be rather grateful.

I still don't think we should've

left them alone together.

Oh nonsense, darling. They're

behaving like positive buddies.

I don't trust Victor when he's genial.

I don't trust him, period.

He's a brute, isn't he?

By the way,

What did you and Victor do last night?

Oh, we had a delicious dinner at the

Horse & Groom, and then we came back here

and played Scrabble!

Hmm, I never quite trust you with

Victor. Why didn't you dine here?

Victor said he felt like going out.

Oh he did?

What time did you go to bed?

Oh, about half past twelve, I think.

Did Victor drink much?

Very little.

As far as I remember.

But you can't play Scrabble!

Not with grown-up people.

I know how to cheat at it.

Where did you dine, darling?

The White Tower.

Oh, how gorgeous!

And what time did you go to bed?

Nice and early.

That was a splendid one

of Victor's, wasn't it?

What was?

Well, his last turn before

dinner when you just put

fidelity, and he added

I-N in front of it.

I think that put us in the lead,

didn't it? Where's the score?

Stupid board game!

Oh, yes darling. I quite

agree. Madly boring.

Come on. Give me a hand.

We can say that Sellers knocked it

over putting down the coffee plate.

I think it was simply wonderful

of you not to have kicked it all over

the room when you actually did it.

Tremendous self-control it must have

been. I was really filled with admiration.

Is that why you giggled?

That was pure hysteria.

You must admit it was quite a moment,

though. I didn't dare look at Charles.

But what are we going to do

with the rest of the Evening?

Well, unless there's a panel of

bachelors discussing marriage and divorce.

I suppose it would be less

embarassing to watch television.

Oh, there you are, my lady.

I beg your pardon, I couldn't understand

where the voices were coming from.

- Just put the coffee there, would you please, Sellers?

- Very good, my lady.

Let me help you pick up

these pieces, my lady.

Thank you. Yes, there are

quite a few there, I think.

Well, what are you laughing at?

I beg your pardon, my lady.

I really couldn't help it.

These children, they were playing bears.

Who's been eating my porridge?

And who's been sleeping in my...

That'll be all. Thank you, Sellers.

Very good.

- Oh, Sellers.

- My lady?

Did you notice a very battered looking

old suitcase in Mr. Delacro's car?

Yes, I put it in his room.

Oh, no, no. That one's mine.

Oh, then I'll change it over.

Have you got the key for it?

No, I haven't. But, uh, don't worry

about that. Just put it in my room.

Oh, very well, my lady.

I'm sorry I was bitty just now.

Well, I'm sorry, too.

Oh, Hattie.

What a...

thing to happen, isn't it?

Did Victor talk to you

about Charles last night?

Oh, yes. Of course he did.

He was rather rude about him.

Why? What did he say?

He said,

In order to commemorate

the number of liberties

Americans have taken in this

country in the last fifteen years,

it was high time that England had

a Statue of Liberty of their own.

Or did he say Libertine?

I can't remember.

Dreary, pompous Englishman.

Well, what else did he say? He must've

said something else. Wasn't he upset?

Oh, yes. He was upset.

I asked him if he thought there was a

possibility of you running away with Charles.

And what did he say?

He said, he thought it would be a pity.

A pity!

Well, what does he mean a pity?

Oh, and that if you did,

he wouldn't accept responsibility for

either the mushrooms or Ms. Mathews.

Now, I must warn you about our coffee.

You can't tell me anything

about English coffee, man.

I know the lot.

Ah, but you haven't tasted ours yet.

We flavor it with Vinseed oil

and serve it at room temperature.

Now quick, before they come back.

Tell me what you've done about the mink.

You can't possibly give that up. That

would be a heartbreak you could never mend.

Where is it?

It's here.

You didn't breath a word of

about that to Victor, did you?

Oh, darling. What do you take me for?

- It's here, is it?

- Yes, I brought it down.

Well, what are you going to say?

Well, I've had rather

a brain wave. And I...

So I went to Harrod's

and I bought a sponge.

Hattie dear, let me

give you a little kibble.

Or did you finish the

bottle after lunch?

Now don't talk like that!

You were so blinking mean with it, I've

decided to buy you some bigger glasses.

What you all been talkin' about. Fish?

No. Women.

- Oh, fancy that.

- No, no.

Actually we were talking about ballerinas which

is not quite the same thing, Mrs. Durant.

Oh, would you do me a great favor?

Certainly.

Never call me by that name.

Why not?

Ewww!

Ah, here you are Mrs. Durant.

The unexpended portion

of a day's ration.

And what for you Hilary? Similar?

As they say in all the smart bars?

Well, you haven't got

anything else. Have you?

Now, please not in

front of the millionaire.

As a matter of fact, I've a very good brandy,

but I'm saving that for Charles and myself.

Oh, I thought you were going

to save it for Christmas.

I'll have a brandy, please.

Brandy, Charles?

Yes, thank you.

- Here's your coffee, darling.

- Thank you, darling.

- No, not you.

- Hmm?

Oh, I beg your pardon, I

thought you said "darling".

So I did.

- Here's yours.

- Thank you, darling.

Oh, that is confusing, isn't it? Well,

the next time I shall bring my own.

- Victor?

- Yes, dear?

Your coffee.

Thank you, darling.

What does that mean?

"Nothing is said that

hasn't been said before."

I just said, "thank you,

darling" three times.

Oh, how dull.

In medical books, they always use

Latin for the interesting bits.

Oh, Hattie!

But they do, darling.

Don't you remember in the one

I borrowed from you it was all...

All very frustrating for you.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes