The Great Muppet Caper Page #3

a couple of questions now?

Not here.

So busy, so much to do.

Perhaps we could have dinner tonight?

Yes. Fine. Swell.

See you then.

I'll pick you up at your house.

It must be beautiful.

I'm sure it is.

I mean, sure, it is.

Yeah.

So where do you live?

- Guess.

- Some highbrow street somewhere?

Highbrow Street!

Absolutely right!

How did you guess?

Are you psychic?

But now guess what number.

I don't know.

Number 1 7?

Yes, all right,

1 7 Highbrow Street.

- Okay, I'll pick you up at 8:00?

- 5:
30?

- 9:
20?

- 4:
1 5?

7:
00.

- Okay, that was easy.

- Yes, easy.

- I'll see you later.

- Yes. 8:
00.

- 7:
00.

- 7:
00!

- Good-bye.

- Yes.

Adios, mon cherie.

Much obliged.

Kermit, tell me about Lady Holiday.

Is she pretty?

Yeah.

Not at all what I expected.

Nice eyes, sturdy legs...

and, it might have been my imagination,

but I think she found me attractive.

Taxi!

Of course, she found you attractive.

It runs in the family.

I don't know why

the cabs won't stop.

just leave it to me.

That's very effective.

Yeah, it's great when it works.

Did you want me to stop or what?

Thank you very much, sir.

You can call me Beauregard.

- Where are you guys going?

- The Happiness Hotel.

Good. That's where I'm going.

How do you get there?

- Haven't you ever been there?

- Of course. I live there.

I just don't know

how to get there.

- It's straight down this street.

- Okay.

Good.

Now just keep going straight.

Will do.

Look out!

It takes a while

to get to know the town.

- How long have you lived in London?

- All my life.

How come you don't have

an English accent?

- I'm lucky to have a driver's license.

- Watch it!

- It's just up ahead on the right.

- What is?

- The Happiness Hotel.

- Oh, yeah.

What's your room number?

I don't know.

We're on the second floor.

I'm sorry. I can only

take you as far as the lobby.

You can never find a cab

when you need one.

Can we do that again?

- Thank you very much, Beauregard.

- You're welcome.

- How do I get out of here?

- I suggest you make a U-turn.

Right.

Looks like steering wheel souffle

for dinner.

Again?

If you'll excuse me,

I'm going out to dinner.

That's right.

Kermit's got a date with Lady--

- You don't have to tell everybody.

- Right.

Pops, don't tell anybody

Kermit's got a date with Lady Holiday.

Kermit's got a date

with Lady Holiday?

Wow. Wait till I tell

the guys in the band.

- Tell us what?

- Yeah. What's going down?

Kermit and Lady Holiday?

All right!

Fozzie, this is all very embarrassing.

Kermit, don't worry.

It won't go outside this room.

Here is a Muppet news flash.

Kermit the Frog to date Lady Holiday.

Details at 1 1 :
00.

Smile.

Local poultry.

It's a good thing you didn't

tell everybody where Lady Holiday lives.

Otherwise, they'd all be camped

on her doorstep.

That is just for you and me

to know, brother.

We are going to have ourselves

a time tonight.

- What do you mean, ''we''?

- The two of us.

You missed a spot.

Anyway,just act naturally.

Wait a minute.

It's when I get there.

This is my date with Lady Holiday.

I'm going alone,

so it's me, not we.

I see. Fine.

Boy, I wish I had whiskers.

Then I'd have to use a blade.

Kermit, turn around.

Are you really going to go

without me tonight?

Fozzie, I figure this is something

that I have to do alone.

- No problem.

- Good.

-Just hand me my cuff links.

- Yes, sir.

And straighten my tie

Just drench me in rich cologne

and don't ask me why

Go on and pluck me a boutonniere

You're moving up

and walking on air

Stepping out with a star

and feeling high

Come polish my wing tips

And call for the car

I'll sweep her right off of her feet

wherever we are

A satin collar and velvet vest

I never settle for second best

Stepping out with a star

Sad times, bye-bye

Have I got style

Have I got taste

On someone else, I swear

this savoir faire

would be such a waste

- Come toss me my top hat

- Yes, sir

I'm ready to fly

Busting into the upper crust

As easy as pie

Just watch my dreams come true

This is something I was born to do

Stepping out with a star

That star is you

- Have you got class

- Have I got class

- Have you got chic

- Have I got chic

To think that you and me

were nobody

Only last week

I'm ready to fly

- Kermit!

- At least I can try.

Bye, bad times

Hey, good times

Stepping out with a star

and feeling high

Yeah

How do I look?

Which one are you?

I'm the one on the right.

You look like you're going

to have a terrific time...

without me.

What?

You can come.

You mean it?

Oh, boy!

Great news, gang.

We can go!

Awfully disappointing weather today.

The weather.

Awfully disappointing today.

Is it? Yes.

Yes, I know what you mean.

It was rather disappointing

yesterday.

And the day before.

What is it, Neville?

A pig climbing up

the outside of the house, dear.

Next time they want stunts,

they get a double.

The day before that

was awfully disappointing too.

And the weekend was perfectly frightful.

Never stopped raining.

- Am I boring you?

- What, dear?

- I said, ''Am I boring you?''

- Boring me?

That's a good one.

I'm having the time of my life, dear.

Neville, did you say...

a pig was climbing up

the outside of the house?

Yes, I believe I did.

I thought so.

You'd have to look a long way

to find a chap who's more...

stimulated than I am.

Dear me.

The last time I was bored,

and never by you, my armada--

- What was that?

-Just making a point, dear.

If I was bored,

I'd go out and buy something...

like cheese or quail's eggs.

- Something like that.

- Yes, I suppose you would.

Of course, I would. That's the sort

of spur-of-the-moment fellow I am.

What?

- What, dear?

- What would you buy if you were bored?

jar of calves' foot jelly.

I'd like to come with you

and help you pick one out.

That isn't necessary, Dorcas.

There's no need for you

to leave the house.

I wouldn't mind.

Haven't been outside for 1 2 years.

Weather's been most disappointing.

Still, there's no reason for me

to stay here all the time.

The children are gone.

The pets are dead.

The butler's been discharged.

No one ever visits us.

That was the doorbell, Neville.

So it was.

And the butler's dead?

The pets are dead.

The butler's been discharged.

- I think one of us should answer it.

- Do you?

- Or we could both answer it.

- Come, dear.

I hardly think it's necessary

for both of us to--

I'll answer it!

I thought you said

the pets were dead.

Hello.

This is for you.

Thank you.

Shall we go?

I've never been inside a real ritzy

English house before.

- Aren't you hungry?

- Sure, but we have a few minutes.

Okay, let's take a few minutes.

Nice place you got here.

Yes, I practically stole it.

Let me show you around.

Who was that guy back there?

just some sort of servant.

This, of course,

is the drawing room.

Did you decorate this place

yourself?

I'll just close the door.

It's very drafty.

- There's a chair and some walls.

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