The Great Muppet Caper Page #4

- A whirlwind tour.

Yes.

This is the bedroom and bath.

We have hot and cold running water.

There's probably a bathtub

and everything.

Here, I want to show you something.

- This is the closet.

- Nice.

Dark, but nice.

Sorry.

Don't think me rude, but is there

anything I can do for you at all?

Yes.

You may suggest a nice restaurant.

There's the Dubonnet Club.

Actually, it's not so much a restaurant,

more of a supper club.

Thank you,Jeeves.

- No time for cocktails.

- Evening.

Why are you staring into the closet?

You recall that pig I mentioned?

- The one climbing up the house?

- That's the chap.

- Yes, I seem to recall that.

- It was in there just now...

along with a lizard.

I see.

And what did they want?

The name of a good restaurant.

I told them the Dubonnet Club.

That's more of a supper club

than a restaurant.

- Yes, I tried to tell them that.

- Don't blame yourself.

There they are!

Kermit and his new flame.

You'll have to jump

in the front seat.

The back seat's been quarantined.

- Let's hit the road.

- How about a little traveling music?

For sure! A love song!

Love song!

Hit it!

Give me my good friends

and play me my music

Yeah, give me my nightlife

Toss me that guitar

and move me that boogie

Are these your friends?

just the ones on the fenders.

Sing me that good time

'cause I need to feel it

Yeah, give me that nightlife

London!

They don't have to play this loud.

That's okay.

They don't mind.

Show me that good time

'cause I need to feel it

A classy place like this, you'd think

they'd have pretzels on the table.

What a delightful menu.

- What?

- Nothing.

It's just sort of amusing

that the roast beef...

is the same price

as an Oldsmobile.

You come here often,

Lady Holiday?

Only on special occasions.

And this is very special, Kermy.

Waiter, champagne and caviar.

Kermit,

how are we gonna pay for this?

You got about 1 ,600 bucks on you?

Relax, Kermit.

I'll take care of it.

Say cheese.

There you go, folks.

Souvenir photograph.

just give me your name and address

and ten bucks.

Good evening, Lady Holiday.

Such a pleasure to see you.

- Thank you, Stanley.

- What a lovely diamond necklace.

It is rather breathtaking, isn't it?

I thought it a little outre,

but Nicky insisted that I wear it.

- Your table.

- Thank you, Stanley.

- Give Stanley a tip, Nicky.

- For complimenting your necklace?

Because it's customary.

- I don't have any change.

- Then give him something bigger.

Bigger?

I left my wallet at home.

You left your wallet in college.

- Souvenir photograph?

- No, thanks. No pictures.

It will be a great memento

for you and your wife.

- My wife isn't feeling very well.

- That's too bad.

- Maybe she should be at home.

- My wife is at home.

Yes. Next table!

That caviar was yummy.

Love those fish eggs.

- Lady Holiday?

- Yes?

Can we talk

about the jewel robbery now?

Kermit, let us not talk business.

Music is in the air,

the night is young...

and I am so beautiful.

What jewel robbery?

Your jewels that were stolen.

You know, you have lovely eyes.

If you put enough sugar in this stuff,

it tastes just like ginger ale.

Catch you later, Stanley.

Aren't you happy we're here?

I have grave doubts

about wearing these jewels.

I feel as if thieves

were breathing down my neck.

Thieves aren't breathing

down your neck.

- I want to put them in a safe.

- No.

- Yes.

- I meant yes. Why would I say no?

- Go and see Stanley.

- Go and see Stanley?

- Immediately.

- All right, if that's what you want.

- And don't forget to tip him.

- Tip him.

The first time you see her

No bolt from the blue

Just something so quiet

That's waiting for you

With no one to tell you

Where you've got to go

The first time it happens

You know

The first time you see her

No magical change

No angels appearing

No dreams to arrange

Just warmer and colder

Than springtime or snow

The first time it happens

You know

The first time together

How simple, how rare

And just when

You thought

you'd forgot how to care

And though you feel much more

Than you'd care to show

Wow, she's fantastic!

What a great number.

Nicky, that's my new receptionist

dancing out there.

- Which one?

- The pig.

She's sensational.

Forty-five words a minute.

About average.

The moment it happens

Then suddenly

there's a whole new world

Lady Holiday, what happened?

Was it you that screamed?

- She screamed right into my ear.

- Of course I screamed.

Somebody's just stolen my necklace.

I told you this would happen.

That necklace was worth a fortune.

- Do something.

- What do you want me to do?

I've spilled ketchup

all over my cummerbund.

Straighten that tie!

It's Lady Holiday.

Her necklace has been stolen.

Lady Holiday? But I thought--

Kermit, I think

I've got a picture of the thief.

- Great.

- Yeah.

This is great, Gonzo.

You popped the flash right before

the soup landed on his tie.

Yeah, photography's an art.

You gotta have the right film,

the right exposure...

and you've gotta scream just before

they get the food to their mouth.

What's going on in there?

A lot of folks out here

want to use the restroom.

We're developing these pictures.

We'll be out an soon as we finish.

We're trying to catch a jewel thief.

Catch him in another room.

People are dancing around out here.

Hurry up. There's got to be a picture

of somebody taking the necklace.

I don't know.

- I still think that pig took it.

- She wouldn't steal.

- Why not? She lied.

- That's two different things.

Besides, she couldn't have stolen

the necklace because she was dancing.

That's right.

There's that old adage:

''You can't dance and steal

at the same time.''

No, that's:
''You can't walk

and chew gum at the same time.''

No, it's:
''You can't pat your head

and rub your stomach at the same time.''

What's the difference?

She didn't steal the necklace.

- I bet I can do it.

- Do what?

Pat my head and rub my stomach

at the same time.

Big deal. Anybody can do that.

Would you guys cut it out?

We're wasting time!

Bathroom!

- Here it is.

- What?

Look at that. It's that guy

sitting next to Lady Holiday...

and those girls standing in the back.

It's probably the same gang

that pulled that first job.

Yes, and we've got them

with their hands in the cookie jar.

- What's going on?

- What is this anyway?

That cookie jar just busted.

- Look, Dad, there's a bear.

- No, Christine, that's a frog.

Bears wear hats.

How you doing, young fellow?

Okay, I guess.

A penny for your thoughts.

It's a long story.

But a familiar one, I bet.

Older than the hills.

I've been there, my friend.

I've been there and back.

I see the way

you're sitting here.

I see the way you've got your hand

around that little shoe.

That's all I need.

I know your whole story.

- You do?

- Absolutely.

- I know exactly what happened to you.

- What?

I'll tell you, friend.

You and your brother-in-law Bernie...

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