The Great Muppet Caper Page #5

cashed in your stock certificates

and your insurance policy...

and you bought

a dry cleaning establishment.

Another place opens up down

the street, and it's charging less...

and they're getting the stuff out

faster because they've got more help.

It's not your fault.

Right?

So Bernie comes to you and says,

''I want you to buy me out.''

He says he's fed up.

Your kids are growing up.

You never see them.

All of a sudden they're turning

into juvenile delinquents...

and your wife is saying, ''You care

more about this lousy business...

than you care about me.''

The equipment breaks down,

and your sister moves in with you...

because that jerk Bernie

went and joined the circus.

You had it up to here, right?

You didn't know what to do.

So what did you do?

You did the only thing you could do.

- Yeah?

- You dumped the business for a song.

- And who did you sell it to?

- Who?

That jerk down the street, that slob

that had been burying you for a year.

Then you took

whatever money you had left...

and you sunk it

into the glass slipper business.

That's your story, my friend.

Not a happy one, is it?

It's amazing.

You are 1 00% wrong.

Nothing you've said has been right.

Yeah?

How about this--

I hate to be rude,

but we're trying to do a movie here.

Yeah?

I didn't know that.

I'm sorry.

Listen, one thing, son.

Would you like to buy a watch?

Movie stars.

Get your filthy hands off me!

I beg your pardon, young lady.

just keep your hands to yourself,

turkey.

You!

Preposterous!

If it isn't the fake Lady Holiday.

- Hello.

- Hello?

Last night

you never even said good-bye.

Kermit, that was just silliness.

Yeah, but you lied to me.

You used me.

Kermit, please, let me explain.

My name is Miss Piggy.

- I am a model.

- Yeah?

I only lied

because I wanted to be with you.

I saw the way you were dancing

with that guy last night.

Let me tell you something.

Your dancing partner is a jewel thief.

What do you think of that?

You're jealous.

- I am not.

- You are.

Kermit, I'm sorry.

Please, don't go, Kermit.

Please, don't go!

I'm sorry!

Miss Piggy, hold it.

Piggy, you're overacting.

- What?

- You're hamming it up.

I am not.

I am trying to save this movie.

Save your performance instead.

I am playing 800 different emotions.

Try to play one of them right.

I have a career of my own.

- I know all about your career.

- I don't need this lousy duck pond.

- I'm sure you don't.

- Maybe I'll just walk.

- Sure, go ahead, walk!

- Should I walk? I'll walk!

Miss Piggy-- Listen.

- I'm doing my best.

- I know you are.

Piggy, I'm sorry.

- We have to get back to the movie.

- All right.

Kermit, I'm sorry I left you

last night at the nightclub.

That's okay, Piggy.

Pretty day

Sunny sky

Lovely pictures

dance in your eye

It all seems so right

It all feels so rare

Summer soft

sudden breeze

Watch the wind

play tag in the trees

The world is so bright

So perfectly fair

Lovers sing

Children dance

For a minute

we've got a chance

Why couldn't we fly

I know we'd get by

Sunny sky

Pretty day

Just a push

and we're on the way

Yes, couldn't we ride

Side by side

Look, Ma, no brains.

Gangway! Watch it!

Coming through!

Gangway! Watch it!

Coming through!

She's so wonderful.

She certainly seems to know

where she's going. It's time.

All right, everybody, keep it moving.

Don't linger.

We just want to give them a hint,

a taste, a soupcon...

appetizers

not full course meals.

Marie, I don't think

we should chew gum.

Stephanie, those false eyelashes

are coming unglued.

Those shoes are scuffed.

Yes, I know where they are.

I'll get them for you.

- Sorry.

- Watch it, buster.

Oh, Mr. Holiday, I'm sorry.

Hello.

- Miss--

- Piggy.

- Miss Piggy? Of course.

- Right.

Have dinner with me tonight.

Mr. Holiday,

really I'm very busy.

Could we meet just for a moment?

- Underwear.

-Just one brief moment?

You're a very different looking woman.

I'm so tired of the same type:

Those tall, thin creatures

with the long legs...

the aquiline noses...

the teeth like pearls,

soft skin.

Yeah, I can see where that might

make you sick to your stomach.

Please, now.

Don't put a door between us.

I was looking for the men's room.

I want you to meet someone.

This is Nicky Holiday.

Mr. Holiday, this is Kermit,

my special friend.

Nice to meet you.

Excuse me.

Need I say more?

Isn't he a frog?

Yes.

We could have had something

very special.

Now I can't be responsible

for what might happen.

Yeah, well, c'est la vie.

I don't know why you love her

like you do.

I don't know why.

I just do.

You better snap out of it

and fast.

You have to plant the goods on her

to take the heat off us.

I know the plan.

I just wish there was another way.

It is the only way, especially now

with the cops asking questions.

I'll do my job.

When I give the signal, you do yours.

Forgive me, Miss Piggy.

Am I dressed right for this?

- You look fine, Fozzie.

- Thank you.

And now, without further ado.

Roses, hyacinths...

lilac and bluebells...

make up our first fashion bouquet.

Pretty nice lines, huh?

Yes, and the dresses

aren't bad either.

Here's capricious Carla...

a dream in hyacinth blue chiffon...

with the classic allure

of the white pleated collar and cuffs.

THe skirt is a flutter of godets...

all complimented

by the cloudy folds of blue...

forming the perfect flower

framing hat.

Fantastique and thank you, Carla.

Pretty good-looking duds.

I found the white pleated collar

alluring...

but I was rather taken aback

by the flutter of godets.

And now...

here's delicious Darla...

in a swirl of apricot silk

above a tight bodice...

with a cleverly draped decolletage...

finishing with roses...

to match the confection of flowers

and silk on her head...

forming a teeny-weeny hat.

My knee!

I think I've twisted it.

Are you all right?

You have to get up and go on!

I can't go on.

You poor thing!

Don't worry, Marla.

I'll stay right here with you.

You can't.

You have to go on in her place.

And now, the Lady Holiday

Swimwear Collection.

Waldorf, wake up.

Here come the bikinis.

We'd better synchronize

our pacemakers.

A cloud of lavender starburst pleating

surrounds our next model.

I say.

A miracle of spring

A miracle of beauty

Bedazzled by the magic

of one smile

A vision of loveliness

A universe of charms

We'll never rest

until you're in our arms

Daffodils, Miss Piggy

Whippoorwills, Miss Piggy

Everything that's

lovely warm and spring

Miss Piggy

Fantasy, Miss Piggy

Ecstasy, Miss Piggy

All that's fair

or fine or wonderful

Or anything, Miss Piggy

When does the rapture begin

And grow

Where does devotion

And passion go

Happiness, Miss Piggy

One caress, Miss Piggy

All the world's ever wanted

was you

A dream come true

Miss Piggy

It's you

Are you okay?

Yeah, sure.

I was just looking

for my contact lens.

Excuse me.

- You'll get a chill.

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