The Great Muppet Caper Page #6

- Thank you very much.

- Are you all right?

- I must have tripped.

Wait a minute.

What's this?

I don't think these belong to me.

Sis, do you recognize this?

That was my necklace,

but where are the diamonds?

Miss Piggy stole my necklace.

- How could you?

- I don't know anything about it.

Somebody must have put it--

You! It was you!

Kermit was right.

You're a phony.

Yes, you are!

You know what?

You can't even sing.

Your voice was dubbed.

Watch out, guys.

Don't worry.

We'll get you out of this.

It just goes to show,

you can't trust anybody.

Excuse me, Lady Holiday.

Will you hire any more pigs?

I shall certainly

think twice about it.

Find out if they'll let me

keep the costumes!

What about your most famous piece of

jewelry, the fabulous Baseball Diamond?

As from Monday,

the fabulous Baseball Diamond...

will go on permanent display

at the Mallory Gallery.

I shall never have it

either on my person...

or in my possession again.

That's right.

It will be in our possession.

That's right.

It will be in our possession.

Tuesday at midnight

we'll go to the Mallory Gallery.

The Baseball Diamond will be ours.

So there I was,

backstage under a table.

I was doing a little

photographic essay on kneecaps...

and I heard them planning

to steal the Baseball Diamond.

- What?

- Bummer!

- So what's the plan, man?

- I already told you.

Tuesday midnight

at the Mallory Gallery.

That's all I know.

They're really going to try

to steal the diamond?

Quiet!

I said,

'' Look, Mother, it's my life, okay?

If I want to live on a beach

and walk around naked--''

Now if we want to get

Miss Piggy out of jail...

we'll have to catch

those thieves red-handed.

Yes, Beau?

What color are their hands now?

We're about to embark

on a potentially dangerous mission.

There could be physical violence.

There could be gunplay.

And there's the slightest chance

that somebody might even get killed.

So if anybody wants out,

now is the time to say it.

- I'm out.

- Me too.

Ditto.

Don't we have a gig around here

or something?

- Sorry, I got a dental appointment.

- I have to work all day.

Hold it!

Shame on you.

I thought we were

in this thing together.

I'm just as scared as you are,

but this has to be done.

We don't want the bad guys to win.

We gotta do this for justice...

for freedom...

for honesty.

- Boy, do I feel ashamed.

- Me too.

I feel like two cents.

- I'm back in.

- You can count on me.

I was only joking.

Yeah, it will be a lot of fun

to go out there and risk our lives.

- Yeah.

- All for one and one for all.

At times like this...

I am proud to be an American.

Thank you.

I knew I could count

on each and every one of you.

- Are you okay?

- That took a lot out of me.

We don't have any time to waste,

so everybody gather 'round.

The first thing we have to do

is make our plans.

Right.

Or we could get some sleep.

- Miss Piggy?

- What?

Your lawyer is here to see you.

Lawyer?

I don't have a lawyer.

Sure you do.

Little green guy.

No wonder he hasn't come by to see me.

He had to finish law school.

Two minutes, pig.

I've missed you so.

Please, the name is Rosenthal.

I'm your attorney. That's the only way

they'd let me in here.

Right.

I've missed you so, Rosenthal.

It's been an eternity.

It's been 45 minutes.

Time goes slow in the cooler.

I just want you to know

we'll get you out of here.

We'll catch those thieves

red-handed.

What color are their hands now?

I don't think this is the time

for that type of humor.

When you're in stir, you take the laughs

where you can get them, Rosenthal.

Yeah.

Anyway,just stay put.

We have a plan,

and we'll prove you're innocent.

Tomorrow night,

precisely at midnight...

those thieves will try to steal

Lady Holiday's Baseball Diamond...

from the Mallory Gallery.

And we'll stop them.

Kermit, be careful.

Don't worry.

I've got Gonzo and Fozzie...

and all our friends

from the Happiness Hotel to help.

Those clowns?

Great. I'll be stuck

in the big house for life.

'' Big house''?

Is that prison talk?

Yeah.

Big house. Squealer. Slammer.

That's the lingo

we use here in the joint.

Yeah, you may talk tough,

Miss Piggy...

but underneath I know you're still

the same beautiful, sensitive...

vulnerable woman

I went out with the other night.

The one who scarfed down

all that caviar.

You have such a way with words.

I love you, Rosenthal.

You're wearing my mustache.

Yeah? You have mesh marks

on your face.

- Glass cutter.

- Check.

- Nylon rope.

- Check.

- Computer deprogrammer.

- Check.

- Stop watch.

- Check.

- Pocket laser.

- Check.

- Infrared reflex.

- Check.

- Portable detonator.

- Check.

- Whoopee cushion.

- I think it's in the bus.

- Rubber raft.

- It's got holes in it.

Bag of chickens.

- Fake vomit.

- It's on order.

- Frisbee.

- Lost.

- Pneumatic drill.

- Check.

- Computer printout.

- Check.

- Radar gun.

- Check.

- Walkie-talkies.

- Check.

- Wax lips.

- I just had them.

Did you leave them

in your other pants?

I don't have no other pants.

- Yo-yo.

- For sure.

- Harpoon gun.

- That's you.

Check.

All right, team.

Let's go for it.

- Peanut butter.

- Animal ate it.

Sorry.

Kermit, I guess that's it.

All right, everybody.

Let's go for it.

Go for it!

Sorry, guys.

Back it up here.

Okay, be quiet.

You guys all got

your disguises in place?

Wow.

Wow.

Rowlf, hand me the blowtorch.

Blowtorch? Who said anything

about a blowtorch?

I got some paper towels.

How are we supposed to cut through bars

if nobody brought stuff to cut with?

I brought some hot mustard.

Maybe that will eat through the bars.

'' Eat through the bars.''

Animal?

What?

See if you can eat through

these iron bars.

Eat through bars.

- Doggy!

- The cops!

Do you know where Lady Holiday's

Baseball Diamond is being kept?

Do you know where Lady Holiday's

Baseball Diamond is being kept?

Funny enough, I do.

It's at the Mallory Gallery.

It's a virtually impregnable fortress,

many miles from here.

- I only have a half hour to get there.

- On foot? You'll never make it.

I know. How about a ride?

You can read, I presume.

'' No passengers.''

Couldn't you make an exception

for little old moi?

Not even for little old vous.

Pretty please?

I've tried to be nice.

What's all the racket?

What are you doing here?

A very brief cameo.

Me too.

Breaker one, this is Ham Hock.

Do you read me?

Loud and clear, Ham Hock.

This is Dirty Bird.

What's your 20? Over.

Well, good buddy,

we're westbound out of Highgate.

Any smokies between me

and Blimeytown?

Negatory, Ham Hock.

You're free and clear.

Ten-four, Dirty Bird.

Much obliged.

We got the hammer down,

and we gone.

I never ordered no pepperoni.

It's right here on the slip:

medium pepperoni with double cheese.

That's right. We don't make them.

We just deliver them.

Somebody here called Pizza Twins,

and that's us.

What's the name on that slip?

- What's your name?

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