The Haunted World of El Superbeasto Page #4

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aren't you?

- Daddy likey.

- Ohh...

Oh, you want to make

little sounds.

Ow-a-ya-ya.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

Yowza!

Damn, baby, your sh*t is tight.

Mmm-mm-mm.

- Burt?

- Hey, Beasto.

Burt, you sly dog.

Hey, listen, have you seen

a monkey run through here?

Man, he went that way carrying

some grade-A booty, you dig?

Hey! That's cold, baby!

Give me a call if this

doesn't work out.

Hey, squirrel, do I look like

I want to talk to you?

I ain't here to talk. I'm here

for the all-American ass party.

How about you make yourself useful

and go get me some beer nuts?

Oh, Mama, I got your nuts

right here. Why don't you salt 'em--

Sorry about the door.

I just had sex.

All right, babies, listen up!

It's Suzi X!

I just remembered I've got to go

visit my sister Bernice in Newark.

I've got to put some

ointment on her fistula.

So long!

You see that girl?

The one killing?

She's my girlfriend.

- Oh, let's spank them pushin' cushions!

- No!

That's fresh.

Funbags are fully inflated and are

ready for official clown business.

Oh, you want some clown business,

do you, greaseball?

Well,

dig these buns of steel!

Ow, my hand, you b*tch!

I need some info on

an ugly, filthy, stinky ape,

and I'm gonna squeeze every one

of you zits until one of you pops.

I have to take this.

It's my agent. Pilot season.

Uh, have we heard anything?

Oh, really?

Fred Savage? Great.

That's all I'm saying. If Flavor Flav

can do it, why not me?

See, now we're on the same page...

Dr. Satan, that is the

barrel-chested luchador

that saw me kidnap

Miss von Black!

So? The graveyard is

crammed with security.

What's the big stinkeroo?

Ooh, pretty.

I'm not yelling at you!

I'm not-- I'm not yelling at you.

I'm just saying I deserve

to be a star.

Well, I am-- I know I'm a star,

but I want to be a

bigger f***ing star.

Um, I gotta go.

Listen to me, tootsie.

Ain't no dame ever gonna

make me turn pigeon, you hear?

I've been kicked around by the best!

Joey the Roach, Frankie the Mug,

Jimmy the Cracker--

All right, you little worm,

you got until I count to three

to tell me who that smelly ape

with the screw in his noggin

is working for or I'm gonna

blow your little friggin' worm head

- into a million pieces!

- Aw, blow me!

- Uno...

- "F" you!

- ...dos...

- Bet you can't even count to three.

...and three--

I mean tres!

Go ahead, blondie.

I don't want to live, you hear me?

I don't want to live!

Ah, fine. Dr. Satan.

Murray, we've got a name, an address.

Let's move, Tin Man!

Thanks, fellas.

Nice ass kicking!

Ta-ta!

You picked the wrong guy

on the wrong night.

I just lost another goddamn pilot

to that punk from "Malcolm in the Middle"!

You like that?

This is the result of several pushups

and that new ab thingy.

It looks kind of shitty

but it really works.

Ow, my ball joint!

Listen, ass pile,

get out of my f***ing fuckface.

No, you get out of my friggin' face!

Out of the way, Sally.

No siree, Barbara!

Look, Mary,

I'm an A-list celebrity.

I don't have time for this sh*t!

Oh, yeah? Well, you're

also on private property,

you stupid baby.

Hold that thought.

Yello?

Who loves you, baby?

Dig it-- I got the lowdown

on the hoedown.

Yeah, the ape works for

some cat called Dr. Satan,

and he's trying to take

over the world.

Huh. Yeah, right!

Dr. Satan? Holy schnikeys!

What would that crazy fruit ball

want with my lady?

Did you say "your lady"?

I knew this was about p*ssy!

Cell phone people are so rude!

Beasto, are you all right?

Are you okay?

Fred Savage, is that you?

Murray, I can dig a scene, and

this one is about to swing mondo.

Beasto's hit the ultraskids and

I ain't a dame to take it on the arches

with a brother in Dragsville, baby.

# Check it out,

I'm imp the dimp #

# The ladies' pimp #

# The women fight for my delight #

# But I'm the grand master

with the three MCs #

# That shock the house

for the young ladies #

# And when you come inside,

into the front #

# You do the freak, spank,

and do the bump #

# And when the sucker MCs

try to prove a point #

# We're treacherous trio,

we're the serious joint #

# From sun to sun

and from day to day #

# I sit down and write

a brand-new rhyme #

# Because they say that

miracles never cease #

# I've created a

devastating masterpiece #

# I'm gonna rock the mike

till you can't resist #

# Everybody, I say it goes like this... #

Oh, my!

God damn it,

Otto! Don't you ever knock?

Oh, ho ho. Who the f*** is that?

Quit with the charade.

Nobody's buying it.

Everybody in this room

knows who I am.

Am I right, people?

- You!

- Hold the short bus. I know you!

You're that dorky freshman

who was obsessed with my sister.

No, I'm not.

I'm Dr. Satan!

Yeah yeah yeah.

You're little

Stevie Pee-Pee-Pants Wachowski.

Be aggressive!

B- E aggressive...

- # If you love blueberries... #

- ...Be aggressive...

- #...Kiss my toes... #

- ...B-E-A-G-G...

# If you've got an appetite

for some sticky-sweet #

# Huffin' and puffin' #

# Eat me up! #

# I'm your real love muscle! #

Okay, nice song, nerd.

Listen to this one.

Hey!

Yeah!

Get a load of this, ladies.

I'm awesome!

I'm awesome! I'm awesome!

Let's not go through all that again.

Just hand Velvet over

like a good little nerd

and I can get busy

tapping that ass.

All right, listen up,

you dumb jock.

Velvet von Black is mine!

At midnight she will be

my unholy bride and all mine!

Mine! Mine mine mine mine mine!

Oh, is that me?

I gotta take this.

Yello?

Talk to me, baby.

Give me some good news.

Oh, really?

Krongarr, discipline him!

Yes, master, yes!

That's right, b*tch!

Yeah, we'll see who's wedgie boy now,

hmm, hotshot? Hmm?

Ouch!

There you are. Yo, go pass me

some more of that Champagney sh*t.

Oh, God.

Hold still.

Hey hey, easy with

that brush, you creep!

I'm tender-headed!

Believe me, I don't want to

do this any more than you do.

Don't front. You know you

staring at my Wonder Twins.

You want your monkey juice

on these shits, don't you?

No, put the twins to bed.

I would rather shuck out my eyes

with a rusty clam knife.

Mmm-hmm.

Hand me that bottle, Bozo.

Here you go-- oh!

Hey hey hey, you're dirtying

my bathwater, monkey.

Whoa. Oh.

Ooh, hey, that's not half bad.

Hidden talents and sh*t.

Agh!

Oh, the stench!

It's like bilge water

from the River Thames!

Now why'd you stop?

I'm the one who tells you when.

- Sh*t!

- It was a mistake, I assure you,

like casting George Lazenby

as 007.

Mistake, my ass. You know, once

you go black you never go back.

That's von Black, b*tch.

I need some mouthwash

and a mind eraser immediately!

Why? Why? Why?

Why? Why?

Why?

Hey, brother, snap out of it!

That's just perfect.

All right, who said it?

Who dared interrupt

my big moment?

Well, that would

be me, brother,

the toughest mat-grappler

this side of your mama's panties--

El Gato!

Who really gives a sh*t?

Now if you'll excuse me,

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