The Haunted World of El Superbeasto Page #6

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and those two are going to ruin it!

Now, hold still.

I don't think you're

taking this problem seriously.

Not taking it seriously?

Whose idea was it for the giant

cascading waterfall of shrimp, hmm?

You.

And who was going

to surprise you

with a life-size ice sculpture

of His Supreme Evilness

Dr. Satan in all his glory?

- You didn't.

- I did.

Well, that's fine and dandy,

but did you ever stop

for one second

and think that if you weren't

acting like a giant Froot Loop

parading around

knee-deep in doilies,

then you would have noticed

that there were two superheroes

about to throw a

goddamn monkey wrench

in my master plan,

you stupid monkey!

F*** you and your shrimp boat.

I'm doing this my way.

Oh! I meant to do that.

Mark my words, Steven.

They're all gonna laugh at you.

Oh!

Don't all try and crowd in

on this one.

There'll be another shuttle

along shortly.

Hmm. Perfect.

There's enough pigs-in-a-blanket

for everyone.

- Hi.

- Oh!

So, are you with the bride

or the b*obs-- the groom?

I'm with the groom, honeycakes.

Slut!

Please, Mildred,

don't make a scene.

She seems nice.

So, Latrizza, I'm just saying,

he's a crazy, fugly sonofabitch,

but I'm gonna get all that money,

you know what I'm saying? Half!

Half, b*tch, you

understand that sh*t? Half!

Darling, are you almost ready?

The guests are arriving.

Oh, I know you ain't talking to me.

Do I look motherfucking ready?

Yeah, you needs to

wait your ass outside. Sh*t!

No, I just thought that- that--

Thought what?

- Um--

- What?

- Uh, um--

- What?

Yo, spit that motherfucking sh*t

out or get out.

Please, sweetie pants,

your tone is distressing!

Special day.

Shrimp boat.

I'll be ready when I'm goddamn ready.

Yo, is this the way you gonna be,

acting like a fool and sh*t?

Act a fool?

No, cupcake.

I'm gonna act like this!

Is there something

you'd like to say, Otto?

I'll save my comments for later, sir.

Then get this frozen

b*tch to the altar!

Oh my God,

these pierogies taste like sh*t!

Here, you try them.

Time to blend in and mingle.

Holy mother jugs!

Look at those ass flaps!

Hey there, hot pants.

Let's get nude.

Take a picture.

It'll last longer.

Whoa! Hey, Suzi.

Creepy. Incest.

Places, people. Places, everyone!

The wedding

is about to begin!

All right, hotshot.

Why am I at a wedding?

Admit it, this was always

about P-U-S-S-Y, huh?

- Wasn't it?

- Well, no!

No. I mean, it was,

it was-- agh!

Then it wasn't.

It might be again, but--

Agh! listen, listen!

Dr. Satan is Steve Wachowski,

and if he marries this broad

we're all toast.

Steve Wachowski? Why does

that name make my panties cringe?

You know, I mean

if I wore panties.

Does the phrase, "Eat me, I'm

your love muffin" ring any bells?

I think I just threw up

in my mouth a little.

This demented maniac

must be stopped!

Uh, what do we do?

Whoa!

Oh!

Hey, baby, show me your tits.

Madam, please keep your

meat pillows contained.

You ain't the boss of me.

Nice!

All right, they're out.

Dearly beloved,

we are gathered here today

to join these two begotten

souls in unholy matrimony.

Some tears would be nice.

Anyway, here we will

marry Dr. Wachowski--

I mean Satan--

- and his big-titted...

- Excuse me, bro,

don't you think we should be out

kicking some Satanic ass right now?

I'm telling you, this plan is foolproof.

All I've got to do is pull this rope

before they get to the "I do's."

Hey, come on, have I ever

let you down before?

Well, there was that one time

when you left me to fly solo

against the dreaded man-eating

alligator men of Venus.

Ring a bell?

Ow! I told you, I missed my flight.

They overbooked first class.

I refuse to fly coach.

You know I can't have

my public see me like that.

Other than that my record

is clean as a whistle.

If there is anyone among you

that believes

this wedding should not

take place,

speak now or forever

hold your peace.

Then there was the time

you overslept

and missed the massacre

of the vampire women.

Does that one ring a bell?

Ding dong?

Clearly not my fault.

I set that clock to AM.

Do you, Velvet von Black,

take, um, this well-read

horror of a man

to be your

frightening husband?

Do I look stupid?

I mean, you know I do!

I love him!

Dr. Satan, do you take Velvet von Black

as your unlawfully wedded whore--

I mean wife?

I do!

- Wait. Did you hear something?

- Pull it!

I now pronounce you

man and wife.

Look out!

# This scene is so familiar #

# Like I've seen it once before #

# Was it in a dream

or another life? #

# I'm really not sure #

# Wait, it's coming to me #

# I think I got it #

# Ooh, why'd you

have to rip off "Carrie"? #

# Since the movie started #

# This part is the most retarded #

# Why, why'd you

have to rip off "Carrie"? #

# With the sound effect

and the split-screen thing #

# Did you ask DePalma

or Stephen King #

# If you could

rip off "Carrie"? #

Oh, yeah. Nice play, Shakespeare.

Uh, yeah.

Not exactly what I had in mind.

Okey-dokey, artichokey.

Time to do this my way!

Hah!

Hmm?

Cowa-ya--

You're too late!

Satan boombaye!

Satan boombaye!

Wake up, Beasto!

You're earth's only hope!

Caramels are chewy.

Now my dream has come true!

Steve Wachowski, vice-president

of the chess club,

and Suzi X, homecoming queen

together at last!

Hey, loosen up, man.

You're crushing my titties!

Oh, no he didn't!

I'm gonna get you, ho!

Holy mother of God!

Santa Claus is dead.

- Evil wins.

- Yeah!

Is-- stop that back there!

Is there anyone

who can save us now?

There they are.

I see them.

What?

Give me those.

Ow!

That two-timing playa wannabe

pimp-ass son of a b*tch!

I'm gonna beat his dumb red ass.

This is nice, isn't it?

Just the two of us reminiscing

about the good old days.

Oh, it's like we're back in homeroom

all over again!

Eww! Hands off, Dr. Perv!

Say, here's a real blast

from your past.

# If you love blueberries,

kiss my toes #

# If you like apple sauce,

lick my nose #

# If you've got an appetite for

some sticky-sweet huffin' and puffin'... #

# Well, then, baby, eat me up! #

# I said eat me up #

# I'm your real love muffin! #

Put the ho down!

I said back away

from that stank-ass ho!

What? Who you calling

a stank-ass ho?

Well, it must be you, b*tch.

You're the only stank-ass

brokedown ho I see.

Excuse me, Dr. Satan.

Would you mind putting me down

for a moment, please?

I really don't think that that's--

- Sweet baby mother!

- I said put me down!

Yes, dear.

Yo, what was that, be-atch?

Do I stutter?

All right!

Cat fight!

# Pull my hair,

I'll pull your hair #

# They'll struggle to the pavement

at the cat fight #

# Cat fight #

Is it wrong this is turning me on?

- # Hey there, mister, that's your sister #

- Come on, blondie...

# Boner's are a poppin'

at the cat fight #

# Cat fight #

# All will want to poke you when

the blonde chick goes to choke you #

# At the cat fight. #

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