The Heart of the Deal Page #6

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Get some gaffer tape.

Levy, we got a

bit of a situation.

- Get me coffee.

- Terrorist number 2 has

got a stomach thing.

- I don't give a sh*t.

- He does. He's stuck

in the bathroom.

- There's a giant hole.

Something's definitely missing.

- Need to say something.

I've been chasing this

motherf***er the whole movie.

I need to say something.

How about,

"Adios, motherf***er."

- A spiritual dimension.

- Yeah, a wisdom thing.

These are my people.

From Moses to Moishe.

That's a good line.

Use that.

- Rabbi, wke the script more Jew

ish?

- This script?

You could circumsize it,

it wouldn't be Jewish.

- That's the

f***ing problem!

- Say a barucha

over the bazooka,

- I like that.

- I was joking.

- [Levy]:
No, not there!

- You're the writer,

come up with something!

- Hey, shut the f*** up.

You're the writer, write!

- OK, I have,

"Lechaim, let's fry 'em."

OK, "Shalom to the dome."

- Shalom to the dome.

- Shalom to the dome.

- Thanks for joining us at 2:00.

Haven't gotten off a shot. Lunch

was supposed to be an hour ago.

- You know what it is?

- Hans can't get the scrim--

- I mean, you know what

we're having for lunch?

- Yeah, I do.

We're having a giant meal

penalty over rice

and a side of kiss my ass.

- Ha!

- Here you go.

- Thank you.

- Enough putzing.

Skip, enough playing.

-Ladies and gentlemen,

listen up, please,

we're going hot!

- 5-6-8 split.

-Little bit more

smoke in the background!

Action!

- Say it to me one more time.

[ Hebrew ]

- Ah!

[ Hebrew ]

[ Skip shouting instructions ]

- Yeah!

[ Crew coughing ]

That's my signature

shot! I love you all!

- 78 alpha, take one!

- Fascinating.

-That's a wrap!

- Yo,mazeltov!

- Very believable!

Excellent shooting,

- Thank you.

Thank you very much.

- It was enchanting!

- Ah...

I don't want to curse it,

but we could be doing some

significant sh*t here.

A real mitzvah.

- Hey!

I've been looking for you.

Lionel did a really nice

job on this scene.

Do you want to see it?

- If you like it, I like it.

- All right.

Well, that was a good day.

Levy pulled off his signature

shot, God love him.

- Yeah.

- You seem more

bizarre than usual.

Oh... Nice talking to you.

- I told a joke. I don't

think it's funny anymore.

- Well, let's hear it.

- It's long and boring.

- What else is new?

- A rabbi, and actor,

and a producer,

are fishing for scrod.

Did I tell you my

daughter got married?

- Is this part of the joke?

- It might be.

Here's the punchline. Ready?

- Yeah.

- She forgot to invite

me to the wedding.

[ Chuckling ]

- Well, you're going to

have to work on that joke.

[ Phone ringing ]

It's Andrei.

Hello. Hi, Andrei.

What?

God! When?

[ All talking ]

- Sorry, you can't

come in here.

- They're OK.

They're the producers.

- One of Bobby's guys was shot.

He's OK.

No one's claimed

responsibility.

- You sure

it's a kidnapping?

- Yeah, Jamal was tied up,

Bobby was taken from his car.

The guys wore military

gear, ski masks...

- Oh my God. I don't

know what to do.

- We can shoot

Nigel and the girl.

- Should I call Howard?

- Lionel will write Bobby

out of the tent scene.

- Shouldn't I call Howard?

- Who's Howard?

- [Charlie]:

There's no war here.

- [Deidre]:
I tried his cell.

I have an emergency and I need

to speak to Howard now.

Who are you talking to?

- The insurance company.

- Somebody has to

be running the studio.

- Fine, shut it down.

It's your dime.

I can shoot around him.

- If I don't speak

to him before then...

- A week? Here's

another idea.

Eat me!

They're calling it

an act of war.

They're not gonna pay.

- [Both]:
We're f***ed.

- Does Bobby belong to any

political organizations,

causes, that sort of thing?

- I don't think so.

- He recently

converted to Judaism.

- Yes, I read that

inPeople Magazine.

- Good evening, Ambassador.

This was delivered 10 minutes

ago to the embassy.

-"My name is Bobby Mason

"I've not been harmed and have

been treated humanely.

"The August 1st Brigade demands

that Colonel America

"ends its support of the puppet

regimes that destroy--

"That colonial America

ends its support

"of the illegal and immoral

puppet regimes

"that continue to destroy our

lands and rape our cultures.

- What if we

offered the kidnappers

Adjusted gross points.

-The terrorist group,

the August 1st Brigade,

is said to be linked

to the kidnapping.

The Scorpions are apparently

investigating the matter.

Although Mr. Mason has

recently converted...

- They'll get Bobby

back, won't they?

I mean, what are they

going to do with him?

-...but what has been confirmed

is that two bodyguards

were tied up by

unidentified men

and one member of his entourage

has been wounded.

The men were apparently

wielding automatic weapons.

The American star is currently

in South Africa

shooting the film

Ben Disraeli...

Freedom Fighter.

- Think we'll get

a detention?

- If we're lucky.

Who's the grey suit?

- I don't know.

Those two are Bobby's la

Did you know Mark was coming?

- No.

- Grier Clark, head of

legal affairs, CGC.

- Charlie Berns,

Deidre Hearn.

- Let me get you up to speed.

Insurance calls it an act of

civil disorder and anarchy.

They're not paying.

We're shutting it down.

Save the set,

salvage what you can...

- I can keep shooting.

- Mason's in every scene.

I've read the script.

Don't bullshit a bullshitter.

I need to go to the set

and make the announcement.

Is that us?

- Yup.

- Yeah.

- Bobby Mason is a corporation

and I'm vice-president

of that corporation.

First I'm going to sue the

studio, then you, then you.

- Mark...

- Gross negligence,

contract violation...

- Mark, we'll get him back.

We've beefed up security.

- The horse has

already left the barn.

- He's got a point.

- Yeah.

This is what I

think we should do.

Go back to the hotel,

get everybody together,

because everybody's

going to be very upset.

- ? Everybody get on down ?

? Get on down now ?

- Sounds like people are pretty

shook up about Bobby.

- Deidre wanted more security.

I said no.

- Bad decision.

- Going to the party?

- I'm trying to stay on

good behaviour this trip.

- She's an excellent producer.

You going to fire her?

- Yeah.

- Because of this?

- No.

- What about- He's staying.

- That's a stupid move.

- I'll send a memo.

? ? ?

- ? Shake your stuff

We can't get enough ?

? We're gonna

boogie down tonight ?

- Woo!

- ? Everybody ?

? Get on down ?

? You get on down now ?

- Charlie, this is Glenn.

Charlie Berns, our producer.

- It's great to

meet you finally.

I'm so sorry.

What a disaster.

- Well, people get kidnapped.

- Glenn has been flying

for like, 26 hours.

- Very gallant.

- Well, I heard the news--

- When's the big day?

- Sorry?

- When you getting married?

- How long you

think it will take for us

to wrap out of here?

- You go home.

I'll take care of it.

How long have

you been engaged?

- We've been seeing each other

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