The Heart of the Deal Page #8

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Show Levy London.

You know, this can't

get back to L.A.

- Understood.

I'll have them sign a

confidentiality agreement.

She'll do a lovely job.

- How far is Germany? Could we

send out for some coffee?

- This is coffee.

- Good coffee.

Blech.

- Excuse me, Colin.

- Yeah?

- Are we doing a picture

calledBill and Ben?

- Take a break.

Not you.

Are you Berns' assistant?

- Yes, sir.

- Where is he?

- Cape Town.

- Get him on the phone.

- I don't know how to reach him.

- You're his assistant and you

don't have his number?

- No.

- How do you

communicate with him?

- I take messages.

- I want to try the

jacket on him now.

- Chief, do you know

a Catherine Oxenmoor?

- No.

- She says she's

your assistant.

- Oh, yeah!

Hi, Catherine.

How's it going?

Oriental's fine.

I love orientals.

Who?

When?

When's he coming?

- What if we

lose the Thames,

put the chapel

dialogue in the pub--

- NO, NO!

Yes, but no.

Still 5 days minimum.

- Levy, can you

yell more softly?

- Sure.

- Thank you.

We don't have 5 days.

- He's going to be here

Wednesday, in two days.

- We could shoot

around the clock.

- Friends, I need more days.

-Skip, set ready.

- Everybody, keep thinking cuts.

We need to cut this sucker.

Where are you going? Sit.

- Cut.

- Levy, we've got a bit

of a situation.

- We are a week away

from having a film.

Why would they shut us down?

- They may be the

wee-est bit pissed.

- Isn't it great

they let Bobby out?

- It's wonderful, isn't

Think the terrorists

had to wear yarmulkes?

- Let's just come clean.

- Grier Clark's an a**hole.

He'd love nothing better

than to shut us down.

- Grier Clark?

- You know him?

- Christ, I do.

He's a total horndog.

- Oh my gosh,

you know Grier.

- Let's have a chat.

- Good grief.

- What?

- Hi, I'm Grier Clark.

You know where this is?

- Studio.

And I am Tanya.

Or perhaps I take

you to hotel first?

It's on the way.

-Background action!

[ Instructions in Czech ]

- Action!

- Oh, my dear, dear...

Dear...

I'm sorry, what is it?

- Daughter.

- Daughter, of course.

Oh, my dear, dear, child.

The pleasures of life rarely...

They rarely...

They rarely...

- Transcend.

- Yes, I know.

The pleasures of life rarely...

Oh, I am all flummoxed.

- Cut!

- No, don't cut it!

Oh, f*** it!

- Oh, you're bad.

- You have no idea.

- Oh!

-Background action!

- Action!

- Father, I know you think him

an inferior young man,

but my heart is--

- Oh, what folly.

You act as if no man had ever

gazed on you with admiration.

I was young once.

Look at me.

A glow has returned to

your cheek. I see that.

I'm an old fool.

- Cut.

Mazeltov.

- Thank God the speech

isn't any longer.

I'd address your foot.

[ Laughing ]

- Yeah, brilliant.

- No...

[ Growling ]

- Stay.

- Enough, enough.

I got to get to the set.

[ Knocking ]

- Housekeeping!

Oh, you need vacuum? Me?

- OK, OK.

Enough putzing,

enough playing.

- Skip, why aren't we shooting?

- We're minutes away.

- You help with the table?

Ooh! Pardon!

You got spot.

You got something...

Ooh!

[ All talking ]

[ Crash ]

[ Both moaning ]

[ Both moaning ]

- Do we have

another camera body?

- No, but we could

get one in two hours.

- Two hours?

Do we have 2 hours?

I don't think so,

my friend.

[ Sighing ]

- Sh*t!

- No, you sign!

[ Women giggling ]

- I hear they found

the black chap.

- Who?

- What's his name...

Fellow who played

Ben Disraeli.

- I'm playing Ben Disraeli.

- No, no. Chap with

the Uzi and so forth.

- What?

No, no! Linda, you can't!

They've left the hotel.

- Linda, go get them!

- It's too late. I did

everything I could.

Believe me.

- Well...

You lose some, you lose some.

Call it, Skip.

- Wait a minute, Charlie.

We're one shot away from

finishing this movie.

- Grier's shutting

us down in 15 minutes,

and we don't have a camera.

- We'll figure something out.

Something.

- Hang ten, guys.

Hey guys, camera's here.

What do you want to do?

- Set it up.

- [Skip]:
You heard the lady.

Set it up.

- Listen...

- Come on, come on!

- You're joking, right?

- No.

- Deidre, it's only a movie.

That's really sick.

- What? It's a page

out of your book.

- Out of my... What?

Out of my book.

That's just great.

Now my book is the sick book?

- Why don't you want

to finish this movie?

- I do! Why wouldn't I?

- Because...

- Because why?

- You know why.

- No, I don't know why.

- Because you know

as well as I do

that as soon as we wrap

this movie, you and I--

- While we're on the subject,

why are you even

makingBill and Ben?

- It's a beautiful

little script.

- Oh, bullshit!

Bullshit!

- Bullshit?

- Uh-oh.

- When did the brilliance

of this script hit you?

When you were

watching your fianc?e

input into his Blackberry?

- What?

- Have some guts!

Will you tell the poor

schmuck it's a pass?

- Guys, smoke 'em

if you got 'em.

- Even I'm starting

to feel sorry for him!

- I'm going to take marriage

advice from you now?

You on your 3rd, 4th, 5th?

- It takes guts to pull the plug

when it's not working.

And that's why

you're hiding out...

- A lecture on courage from you?

From Suicide Charlie?

- More goulash? Come.

- Lionel told me. I'm sorry.

- Give me the phone.

I don't know how to

call her. What do I do?

- Speed dial 2, press Send.

[ Ringing ]

-Da?

- It's Charlie.

Wreck the car.

Hit a tree, put him

in the hospital.

- OK.

I need map for location.

In back. You get please.

- Sure.

[ Crash ]

[ Speaking Czech

- OK chaps, we're ready.

Ready, ready.

Allrighty, then.

- For the love of God,

let's shoot it.

- I'm rallying the troops for

you, boss. We're so there!

OK, everyone!

- Yes, what is it?

- Remember, pick up the

book in your left hand.

- Yes, yes, yes.

I understand, the book

in front of the lens.

You told me 1000 times.

- You f***ed it up 999 times.

- And we wouldn't want to sully

your beautifully-designed shot

by putting an actor's face

in front of it, would we?

- How's the goulash sitting?

- It's good. It's fine.

- This is it. All the best.

- Oh, thanks.

- [Skip]:
Everybody,

first positions!

- Scene number 157, take one.

- Action!

- Mr. Speaker!

Gentlemen,

the honourable gentleman's

natural excitement

is, as we know,

a most prominent affliction,

as is his audacious manner.

May we humble servants

of the Crown inquire

as to the genesis

of this excitement?

- After a day of the most

unceasing labour,

I have purchased for England,

all of Egypt's shares

in the Suez Canal!

[ Applause ]

- Mr. Speaker, gentlemen,

I say grave questions of honour

hang darkly before us.

- The canal now

belongs to England!

[ Applause ]

All the grubby gamblers,

capitalists

and financiers

of the world

have been plotting to grab it.

And we have outfoxed them!

- Why was Parliament

not informed?

Why was this done

in deceitful fashion?

- Because haste was

of the essence.

I have never been

through such a day as that!

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