The Heat Page #5

Synopsis: Sarah Ashburn, an FBI agent, is extremely ambitious and has her eye on a promotion, but she doesn't get along with her co-workers. She is sent to Boston to uncover the identity of an elusive drug lord, Mr. Larkin, by tracking down his proxy, Rojas, and is told that she'll have a good shot at the promotion if she finds Larkin. When she arrives in Boston, she learns that Larkin has been eliminating his competition and taking over their operations. She learns that Rojas is in Boston PD custody and goes to see him to ask him what he knows about Larkin, but is warned that the cop who arrested Rojas, Shannon Mullins, is very territorial, and she is not exactly sociable. When the two meet they don't get along. When Mullins learns why Ashburn is in Boston, she decides to find Larkin herself. Ashburn is told by her boss to work with Mullins, but it won't be easy because Ashburn does things by the book while Mullins does things her way.
Genre: Action, Comedy, Crime
Director(s): Paul Feig
Production: 20th Century Fox
  7 wins & 16 nominations.
 
IMDB:
6.6
Metacritic:
60
Rotten Tomatoes:
65%
R
Year:
2013
117 min
$158,300,000
Website
8,127 Views


I got it on eBay. It was supposed

to be bigger and different.

It doesn't matter.

I'm gonna "Bad Feedback"

his ass, though.

LEVY; All right, ladies.

Here's the DNA results

from the book of matches

and the cigarette butt

you got from Tatiana's.

We pulled two sets of prints.

First one's a real nut job.

Look at this. Reckless

driving, assault, arson.

Oh, God.

Ahem! Really?

Who the f*** is this guy?

He's my assistant.

You know I'm an agent, right?

Arson?

It was a drug house!

I really feel the need

to finish reading your files.

I feel the need for you to

stay out of my business

so I don't punch

you in the teeth.

What did you find out

about the cigarette?

Okay. Hank LeSoire.

Local businessman.

Got tons of ties to the

drug world, black market...

...as well as prostitution rings.

Co-owner of Club Ekko.

It looks like we found our distributor.

Can you back that up, please?

Back up to which one?

That.

I'm not into you!

Your breast is

invading my space.

Keep your finger

out of my areola.

Contain your areola!

There. Now we're even.

He looks like a real Chatty Cathy.

Did you tap the phone?

I haven't been able to. Guy

gets a new prepaid every other week.

By the time I can

get his phone number

and hack in,

he's got a new one.

Let's get a bug into the

phone he does have.

I want to know what

he's saying this week.

Just get a court order and a bug.

We'll do it ourselves.

If you're gonna boss me around,

at least buy me dinner first.

No.

Okay. Cool.

I'll get that to you ASAP.

You got to work on your game.

That was weak.

What? I thought I

was being charming.

I don't know what to say to that.

Now I just feel bad for you.

Okay, so LeSoire

co-owns Club Ekko.

Let's start surveilling it and figure

out how to get a bug in his phone.

Tell me everything

you know about it.

It's just

a shitty club downtown.

I've never been inside,

but there's always a line of

awful people around the corner.

They've called P.D. a couple

times to break up fights.

Oh, sh*t.

What's wrong?

Just don't look. Don't look!

Act like we're talking.

Hey, Shannon.

Hey, Robin.

I really enjoyed our night together.

You just disappeared on me.

Yeah, I know.

I was there.

Can I take you to dinner,

or a movie, or something?

Do you not hear how pathetic

everything out of your mouth sounds?

There's a girl out there

for you, but it's not me.

Maybe it's her. Her lady business

is like an old dirty attic.

It's full of broken Christmas

lights and doll shoes and sh*t.

Why don't you

clean that out for her?

That's a

misrepresentation of my vagina.

Wow, what was that about?

You sleep with a guy one time and he

wants to marry you. Jesus Christ!

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Who was that?

My mom.

Ortiz

settles in the batter's box.

Verlander with the pitch.

A ground ball...

...through the legs of Cabrera

into right field.

Pedroia is headed for second base.

He slides, and he is...

How about I tell you

a little something

about myself?

Oh, God.

Let's see...

I went to undergrad at Yale.

I have been with the Bureau

for about twelve years.

Up for a promotion.

See, I caught

the Red Falls Killer.

I remember thinking

that guy was innocent.

He's been in jail for eleven months.

That would make me...

...a horrible person if what

you said was actually factual.

Well, you can just tell

the judge you f***ed up.

I didn't. I did not F up.

Don't get your

panties in a wad.

They're not wadded.

I'm intuitive. I say what I feel.

I'm usually right.

Take it or leave it.

Oh, I did not know.

Okay.

There's our guy.

I see him as well.

Well, Daft Punk

is playing at my house

My house

I'll show you the ropes, kid,

show you the ropes

I got a bus and a

trailer at my house

My house...

There he is. Over there.

We got to get past

those bodyguards.

We won't have to,

because he'll come to us.

Excuse me!

Step aside, please!

All right.

This will go fast.

When I pull the alarm, the crowd

will head towards the two exits.

He will head toward

the nearest one,

which is northeast.

I will bump into him.

I will grab the cell, place the bug

in it, tell him he dropped the phone.

It's something I like

to call a "cop drop".

Yeah, I got it.

Okay... here we go.

My God, there are no wires

attached to this thing.

What is that? Gum?

Or is it Silly Putty?

Don't touch it!

It's a condom.

All right,

he's on the move.

We got to get out there and shake our

asses like the rest of the foxes.

Oh, yes, dancing to get close to him.

Fantastic idea!

Jesus. Don't!

Don't do anything you're doing.

But he's over that way.

Let's just go find a bathroom.

I told you, I don't have

to use the bathroom!

Did I ask about your bathroom habits?

You are killing us out there.

You don't fit in! Take

off that f***ing jacket.

This is a good jacket.

You look like you're

gonna set up a table

and do their taxes.

Take it off!

This is ridiculous.

Your shitty jacket?

My God!

Okay, jacket's off.

Jacket's off.

I can't watch whatever

process is about to happen.

Now unbutton your buttons.

I'm a federal agent!

I know, and you look like one.

You think you'll bump into him and

he won't think something's up?

Fine. How's that? Is that good?

Can we go?

No, I think it's getting worse.

My fear is I'm gonna

put you in a bikini

and you'll still look like

a f***ing bank teller.

Do you have to

use that language?

I'm trying to make a point!

I'm saying your face

and whatever is underneath this

shitty outfit is

maybe not terrible.

I'll have you know I

dress appropriately.

I got it!

It's when this...

...your big flapping mouth, starts

running, and then you put...

...this getup on top of it, and it's just...

it's a boner killer.

I'm gonna help you.

What are you doing?

Now I just want you to shut up.

on, my God.

Oh, my God! I only brought

five of these to Boston!

I'll cut the other four.

God, that's terrible fabric!

Just get that off your wrist.

This one was of

my favorite ones.

Just take it off.

Take it off!

Okay, just give me a second!

Okay, I look like

I've been attacked.

That's not my fault.

Oh, it's my fault? Let

me even out the bottom.

Would you stop

carving up my clothes?

I'm making shorts!

Everybody likes shorts.

Jesus! Hold still!

That feels... awkward. Weird.

Don't touch that area.

Don't duck down, or you're

gonna suck my hand up there.

Will you stop

pulling my pants off?

Jesus!

What?

What are those?

What are those?

Stop it!

They're my Spanx. They

hold everything together.

Why? What's gonna

come popping out?

Nothing! It just keeps everything

where it's supposed to be.

Sh*t, like medically?

No, not medically.

Just to...

It just keeps it right

where it's supposed to be.

You got to vent that furnace.

That's a lot of

compression and heat.

It gets plenty of

ventilation, thank you.

My hand's a foot off

and it's on fire.

Then why don't you

cut them shorter

Rate this script:4.5 / 2 votes

Katie Dippold

Katie Dippold is a screenwriter, actress, and comedian. She was a writer on the NBC series Parks and Recreation and wrote The Heat starring Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy. The Heat won the 2014 American Comedy Award for best screenplay and favorite comedy of the year at the People's Choice Awards. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "The Heat" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 26 Sep. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_heat_20413>.

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