The Heat Page #6

because no one can

see my cervix yet?

I'll cut them shorter. No, stop it!

We're finished.

Okay, let's do you now.

I don't need that!

What do you mean?

I put my sexuality

out through motion.

When this starts going, it's all...

You'll get it.

So I have to look like this and

you get to look like that?

I know, it's not fair.

We gotta tackle the helmet.

It's got a real style

memory, huh?

You gotta flip that sh*t over.

Bend over.

Why?

You look like Darth Vader.

Just flip it over.

God Almighty.

I gotta just finger tease

the sh*t out of this.

Wait. What?

I'm gonna finger tease it.

What is that?

What does that mean?

Not what you want it to mean.

Hit it!

What are you looking at?

I like how your friend's shorts

make me feel in my shorts.

I am sorry. That was much

cruder than I meant it to be.

I stand corrected on the shorts.

Let's proceed.

Oh, God, we're dead.

At one o'clock.

Let's do this.

All right.

Get in there.

Get in there.

How do you get in?

I don't know how.

Back it in.

Get in there. Get your hands

in and get the phone.

Okay, Pinky.

Do the cop drop.

I'm trying to!

Do the f***ing cop drop!

I can't do it

from this position!

No. No, no, no!

Okay, coming in one more time.

Get her away.

I got her! But

you're like a f***ing nanny!

Picture time!

Damn it. Can somebody

get my phone?

I got it!

I got it! Let go!

Thanks a lot, bro. And close

a couple buttons... club policy.

God bless!

I got

the orange one!

I need some water.

Stop it! Stop it!

I will f***ing kill you.

Where is he?

Get in there.

Okay, one more time.

Get her away.

Jesus,

there's too many of them!

- LeSOIRE Hello.

- Hi.

Your moves are weird

as sh*t... and I love it.

You have really soft hair.

Oh, yeah,

it's the shampoo move!

Use your b*obs!

You see these?

Oh, God, yeah.

I'm looking, I'm liking.

Oh, girl, so great!

Hey, what is this?

What's going on? Whoa!

Oh, God, back it in.

Whoa, please!

Hi.

Hi.

You're the first chick over

forty to give me a boner.

Great.

Want to go get a drink?

Okay. Yeah.

Maybe. Maybe.

That's the only reason

girls hit on me.

Oh, sorry, yeah.

Every night, the hottest

chicks come in here.

They're like, "There's LeSoire!"

Short skirts, too much makeup.

Looking like f***ing gremlins.

Oh, I hate that!

Don't feed them after midnight, right?

They turn into more sluts.

Give me a whiskey.

I just noticed that lion.

That is amazing.

F***!

Who the f*** keeps putting

lions in the back?

Fourteen dollars.

Fourteen dollars?

Is it magic f***ing whiskey?

Do I get a motorcycle with it?

Is it served in Jesus's shoe?

Can I sit in your lap?

Obviously.

I like where this is going.

Me, too.

I would love to!

We're having

a big foam party later.

So sorry.

I am so sorry.

Drunk b*tch.

Get her out of here.

She holds her

liquor like a five-year-old.

I'm so sorry!

- All right, sweetheart, you're out.

- Sorry.

- I'm a pony!

- Sorry.

Get her the f*** out!

Take her home.

I've got to drive the school bus tomorrow!

It's my shift.

- It's my shift!

- Here we go.

I didn't get your number!

I'll find you. I'll find you.

Oh! Pretty nice, right?

Ooh!

I have to say that

was pretty awesome.

It really was. Put her there.

Put her there!

No, put her there.

Ah!

Don't do that.

You just make it odd.

I'm trying not to

lash out at you,

and you make it

really impossible.

What was that about?

We got company.

Oh, sh*t.

Hold on, I can lose them.

You want me to take the wheel?

No, I was a precision

driver at Quantico.

They thought I was the instructor...

I was that good.

Oh, shoot.

Lose them!

What do you think

I'm trying to do?

Stop it! Stop it!

I got it.

Hold on.

Ah!

And that is how

you lose a tail.

Nicely done.

I'm surprised.

Our friends are back.

I got it. I got it.

Tag out.

What are you doing?

I'll show you

how I stop a tail.

MULLINS; Watch out!

FBI! Drop your weapon!

Oh, my God.

- What the hell is that?

- I don't know.

Special Agent Garrett, DEA!

Drop it!

No, seriously,

what the f*** are you?

What are you, f***ing deaf?

I just told you, DEA!

Drop your f***ing gun!

Now!

Sh*t.

I'm very sorry about earlier.

I just thought you

were an assassin.

Because of your... weapon.

And because you

look evil as sh*t.

Yeah, I get it. I'm an albino,

so I look like a bad guy, right?

No, that's not what we were...

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, well, I'm DEA! And

let me tell you something.

Two months we've been

sitting on that club,

then you two

come in one night...

...like a couple of amateurs and

almost blow the whole thing!

Obviously you have no idea

who you are speaking with.

I'm Federal Agent

Sarah Ashburn.

Yes, I'm sure your credentials

are quite impressive,

as is your choice

of... wardrobe.

Nice hot pants.

You might want to try

shaving above

the knee next time.

Are you giving beauty tips?

Do you own a f***ing mirror?

Listen. This whole "female

professionals in the workplace" thing,

I'm fine with it.

But the problem, all due

respect with you people...

...is that you get all excited,

your emotions take over...

...your hormones kick in, you're

riding the cotton pony...

Next thing you know

you're complimenting

the bad guy on

his f***ing couch!

Oh, all due respect to you,

who's your wife?

A five-pound bag of flour

with a hole in it?

Hey, hey, hey!

Listen, ma'ams.

We've been cramped inside

this van for two months.

We're not gonna

let you swoop in

from nowhere and

take all the credit.

I don't want to see you two

anywhere near this case!

We have got

informants everywhere!

We've got

surveillance everywhere!

We do not need

the two of you...

...coming in with your estrogen

flying at full speed...

...sticking out in the middle of broad

daylight f***ing things up for us!

Because the two of us are

gonna bring these guys in.

F*** you, chalk balls!

Not even on your birthday,

sweetheart.

That's right, keep walking.

This isn't over.

FYI, we women were born

with hair on our legs.

You don't have to stop.

What are you doing? Whoa!

You want to tell me

what was wrong back there?

Nothing.

I saw your face when

you watched the footage.

It looked like you saw someone you knew.

Possibly your brother?

You did not read that

from my f***ing face.

You read my file, didn't you?

God, you're an a**hole!

Yes, I read it,

but it is my job

to know everything

about a case,

including who I work with.

I don't like that.

We should talk to him tomorrow.

Where is he?

Probably at my parents'.

Well then... let's

go to your parents'.

No, I can't go to my parents'.

Why?

I'm the one that

put him in jail.

Okay, never mind.

It's not like I liked doing it.

He got mixed up with a lot

of really bad people.

And then he started...

He started using that sh*t. I

just had to get him out of there.

You know, ironically, a lot

of people become addicted...

...when they're in prison.

I think it's like...

...80%-85% of the inmates

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