The Heyday of the Insensitive Bastards Page #3

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intently. Call if you need me.

Monica:
I am fine, thank you.

Missy:
Have you

forgotten the way to El Paso?

I am doing all right - really.

I know you heard they cut out that lump

I had that you did not know about.

Which is why I am writing, because I

know some dumb somebody told you.

My own way of telling you would

have been more fun for both of us.

Anyway, it is out, and there is a little cut like

a smiley face under my nipple. You will like it.

Come see the girl who loves you no matter

what. Hear me? Do not step on my heart.

Your only one - miss famous

Monica:
Course I

will change all the names.

You do not have to get

permission to do that, do you?

I love you!

Stop it. Oh, thank you.

Oh-don't go get a tattoo now.

Mr. chin:
You bring your lunch

here often?

Monica:
Please do not sit down.

Monica:
I used to.

Mr. chin:
What is your name?

Monica:
That is not really

important.

I bet I can

guess your nickname. Foxy.

Monica:
Why do these banker

types always hit on me?

Monica:
Wrong its sting,

actually.

Sting! Your nickname is sting?

Monica:
I bet I know your

nickname.

Monica:
Poophead.

A**hole. Jerkoff.

What?

Monica:
Nevermind.

So you must like the police, the

band. Cause of the lead singer.

Monica:
Oh my god, that is

gross.

Mr. chin:
I guess they are not

a band anymore.

Monica:
Not for like

thirty years.

Monica:
The last man who called

me sting stepped on my heart.

That is too bad. You know I have

seen you before.

I have actually

been looking for you.

Brian:
You know I have been

looking for you for months.

Monica:
Well, here I am.

Thank god your book came out. Your

publisher gave me your number.

Monica:
He should not have

done that.

Brian:
Sweet Monica. Will you

marry me?

Monica:
It fits.

Mr Chinn:
So you say he broke

your heart?

Monica:
Huh?

You said the guy who broke your

heart.

Monica:
I did not say he broke

it. I said he stepped on it.

You have a resilient heart.

I like that. I like that a lot.

Excuse me. Hello?

I gotta bounce. Okay, yeah, I

will see you around foxy.

Mr chin:
Yeah, no, he called me.

Mrs. Nighetti:
Time for a break.

Monica:
I just started.

The way you dust you deserve

one.

Monica:
Here we go again.

Mrs. Nighetti only my Vincent makes

his mother happy with a grandchild.

Mrs. Nighetti [with Monica narrating over:

Nine boys, and only one grandchild.

But my Vincent he names his daughter

Carlotta, which you may not know,

but my name is Carlotta. He names

her after his mother, my Vincent.

Monica:
You have

told me that a million times.

Monica:
Do you have any new

pictures?

Mrs. Nighetti you would think that wife of

his would know I want new pictures every week

but she is too busy getting famous. I am

going to be a famous model, she says.

To listen to her talk, the baby

set her back years.

Oh, maybe you have not seen

this one...

Monica:
I bet I have.

There is my girl.

Monica:
Sweetie its time for

dinner.

Sally:
I wanna keep playing.

Brian:
Just let her play.

Mrs. Nighetti:
So has that

Brian come to his senses yet?

Has he come rushing to you with

an armful of roses?

Monica:
Have not heard a word.

Monica:
But I am sure I will as

soon as his wife pops that kid out.

Monica she is not that great

a little younger than I am

Monica:
Horrible laugh but she

sure knew how to trap him.

Monica:
Probably

was not even on the pill.

Brian:
Straighten out.

- straighten out babe!

Monica:
I will not go to him.

He has to come to me.

Babysitter:
You are late again.

Monica:
Sorry.

Babysitter:
She had a nap.

Monica:
Good.

Babysitter:
Thanks.

Monica:
After the book comes out.

Sally will need a private tutor.

I will be making appearances all

over the world.

Monica:
Turkey or bologna?

Sally:
Bologna!

Monica:
I will

start writing it soon.

I will describe his spotless

condo.

The way he walked.

The way his little voice rode

the air.

The mysterious woman from El

Paso

and especially his shirts.

The way they faced the same

direction, one after another.

Like promises kept. Like the

days of a life.

Monica:
Hey!

Sally:
Can you read to me?

Monica:
Um - sure I can

tell you a story

Monica:
Ummm

Monica:
There once was a very beautiful

young woman named Cinderella

and she lived in a castle, I

think.

And she lived with her evil step mom

and two or three mean step sisters.

And she had to clean the house

every single day. Top to bottom.

And then one day there was an announcement

on TV that said there would be a big ball.

And she really wanted to go

because she knew that the man she was

supposed to be with was going to be there.

And she knew if she went there

she would...

Live happily ever after and

be a very famous writer.

: Hi Paul, it is Laura.

I heard you were going to be in town

so I thought maybe if you had

time you could stop by

I would really like you to meet my

son Chris. We are at my moms house

: 'next message'

caddy:
Hi Paul. They just released

your father and we should be home soon

I do not want you to be surprised when

you see him, okay? He has gotten worse.

The stroke left him agitated. Maybe

you can take him for a drive tomorrow

he always liked that.

Caddy:
So good to see you.

Edmund:
L... let... let go.

Caddy:
Maybe you should get rid of that thing.

Do you not need a truck for your business?

Edmund:
Lazy, does not like

anything old.

Paul:
Stop that. Call her caddy

please.

Caddy:
Paul would you help me

in the kitchen please.

Caddy:
Laura brought us home

from the hospital.

Paul:
Did she?

Caddy:
She had the boy with her.

Edmund:
That boy looks exactly

like you.

Paul:
Boys not mine.

Caddy:
We know that.

Edmund:
That kid is the

spitting - mmm - mmm

Paul:
Spitting image.

Spitting image.

Caddy:
Not in the house.

There are blankets and sheets on

the couch.

And shower - I could smell

the wood lacquer on your skin.

Paul:
Stop that. Just stop.

Edmund:
Just like me. Not long

for the world.

Paul:
No just needs a little love that

is all. Just a little bit of love.

Watch this

see dad, told you, she is not

ready to leave me yet.

Paul:
What does mom make of

all that smoking stuff?

Edmund:
I do not know.

Paul:
I read somewhere a couple

weeks ago

that doctors are saying they're

actually good for you

especially if you had stroke

there suppose to really good

Edmund:
Oh that is perfect. I

am going to remember that.

Paul:
Good. Edmund: Yeah.

Edmund:
How is work?

Paul:
I quit the.. I quit the

paper.

Edmund:
Why? You are a good

writer.

Paul:
Yeah I make furniture

full time now

Edmund:
Well - you always

liked wood.

Paul:
Mom did not tell you that?

Edmund:
She does not tell me a goddamn

thing. But she she. She told me that.

Edmund:
Oh, I knew you would

make that turn.

Paul:
What do you mean? No, you said go

anywhere. I do not care we can go anywhere.

Edmund:
You cannot keep away

from her.

Paul:
What are you talking

about?

Paul:
Oh look, hey, no, no, I did not

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