The History Boys Page #7

Good point.

You keep saying, "good point".

Not good point, sir. True!

To you, th-the Holocaust is just another topic

on which we may or may not get a question.

No!

No! But this is history.

Distance yourselves.

Our perspective on the past alters.

And looking back, immediately in front of us

is dead ground - we don't see it.

And because we don't see it, this means there

is no period so remote as the recent past.

And one of the historian's jobs

is to anticipate what our perspective

of that period will be.

- Even on the Holocaust.

- (bell rings)

- Won the argument there, sir.

- What?

The Holocaust.

Yep, you really showed him.

- You flirt!

- I don't understand it.

I've never wanted to please anybody

the way I do him.

Girls not excepted.

- He's going, you know.

- The big man?

Yeah. Don't let on. Fiona says.

Sacked? Who complained?

That's why the lifts have stopped.

Poor sod. Though in some ways,

I can't say I'm sorry.

No. No more genital massage

as one speeds along leafy suburban roads!

No more of the bike's melancholy,

long, withdrawing roar

as he dropped you at the corner,

your honor still intact.

'Ey.

A lecher though one is,

or one aspires to be,

it occurs to me that

the lot of woman cannot be easy,

who must suffer such inexpert

male fumblings virtually on a daily basis.

Are we scarred for life, do you think?

Well, we must hope so.

(# "Never Stop (Discotheque)"

by Echo and the Bunnymen)

Dad.

Never gives an inch, does he?

"Lucid and, up to a point, compelling, but

if you reached a conclusion it escaped me."

- Seen your handwriting recently?

- Why?

- You're beginning to write like him.

- I'm not trying to, honestly.

- You're writing like him and all.

- No, I'm not!

Dakin writes like him.

I write like Dakin.

It's done wonders for the sex life.

Apparently I talk about him so much,

Fiona gets really pissed off.

Doing it's about

the only time I shut up.

- Would you do it with him?

- Yeah, I wondered about that.

I might. Bring a little bit

of sunshine into his life.

It's only a wank, after all.

What makes you think

he'd do it with you?

You complacent f***!

The Archbishop of Canterbury

know you talk like this?

I like him. Just wish

I thought he liked me.

Irwin does like him.

He seldom looks at anyone else.

- How do you know?

- Because nor do I!

Our eyes meet looking at Dakin.

Oh, Pos. With your spaniel heart.

- It will pass.

- Yes, it's only a phase.

Who says I want it to pass?

But the pain. The pain!

Hector would say

it's the only education worth having.

I just wish there were marks for it.

Mr. Crowther, now,

one of your interests is the theater.

Tell us about that.

Erm, I'm keen on acting.

I've done various parts.

Can I stop you?

Don't mention the theater.

Oh. Well, it's what I'm interested in.

Then soft-pedal it,

the acting side, anyway.

Dons, most dons think

the theater is a waste of time.

Music is all right, though, isn't it?

They don't frown on that.

No, you should just

say what you enjoy.

- Mozart?

- No.

Everybody likes Mozart. Somebody more

off the beaten track. Tippett, or Broekman.

- But I don't know them.

- May I make a silly suggestion?

Why can they not

all just tell the truth?

(all groan)

I hesitate to mention this

lest it occasion a sophisticated groan.

But it may not have

crossed your minds,

but one of the dons

who interviews you may be a woman.

I'm reluctant at this stage in the game

to expose you to new ideas

but, having taught you all history

on a strictly non-gender orientated basis,

I just wonder whether it occurs to any of you

how... dispiriting this can be.

- Am I embarrassing you?

- A bit, Miss.

It's not our fault.

It's just the way it is.

"The world is everything that is the case."

It's Wittgenstein, Miss.

Yes, yes, I know it's Wittgenstein,

thank you.

Can you for a moment

imagine how depressing it is

to teach five centuries

of masculine ineptitude?

(groans)

Why do you think there are

no woman historians on TV?

- No tits!

- Hit that boy!

- Hit him!

- Sir, you can't, sir.

I'll tell you why!

Because history's not such a frolic

for women as it is for men.

Why should it be? They never

get round the conference table.

In 1919, for instance,

they just... arranged the flowers,

then gracefully retired.

History is a commentary

on the various and continuing

incapabilities of men.

What is history?

History is women

following behind... with a bucket.

Erm... Rudge.

Now, how do you

define history, Mr. Rudge?

Can I speak freely, Miss?

- Without being hit?

- I will protect you.

How do I define history?

It's just one f***ing thing after another.

(raucous laughter)

I see. And why do you want

to come to Christ Church?

It's the one I thought

I might get into.

No other reason?

Do you like the architecture,

for instance?

But they'll ask me about sport,

won't they?

If you're as uncommunicative as this,

they may be forced to.

The point is, Rudge, even if they want to take

you on the basis of your prowess on the field,

you have to help them, at least pretend

there are other considerations.

Look, I'm sh*t at all this. Sorry.

If they like me

and they want to take me,

they'll take me because

I'm dull and ordinary.

I'm no good in interviews, but I've got

enough chat to take me round the golf course,

and maybe there'll be someone on the board

who wants to go around the golf course.

I may not know much

about Jean-Paul Sartre,

but I've got a handicap of four.

Where have you heard about Sartre?

- He was a good golfer.

- Really?

I never knew that. Interesting!

Peter, how did you know

Sartre was a golfer?

I don't know that he was.

How could I? I don't even know

who the f*** he is.

Well, they keep telling us

you have to lie.

(Lockwood) I have a feeling Kafka

was good at table tennis.

- I'll see you tomorrow.

- Sir. I never gave you my essay.

What degree did you get, sir?

You never said.

- Second.

- Ha, boring.

- Didn't the old magic work?

- I hadn't perfected the technique.

- No, come on.

- It's after four. I'm gonna.

- What college were you at?

- Corpus.

- That's not one anyone's going in for.

- No.

- You happy?

- There? Yeah. Yeah, I was quite.

Do you think we'll be happy,

say we get in?

- You'll be happy, anyway.

- I'm not sure I like that.

Why? Uncomplicated -

is that what you mean?

Outgoing? Straight?

They're none of them

bad things to be, you know.

It depends. Nice to be

a bit more complicated.

Or to be thought so.

It's Felix!

(Irwin) Oh, Christ!

- Shh!

- (giggling)

- Not very bright, are you?

- Am I not?

No, sir.

- How's Posner?

- Why?

- He likes you, doesn't he?

- Well, it's his age.

- He's growing up.

- It's hard for him.

Boring for me.

You're not suggesting

that I do something about it?

It happens.

I wouldn't anyway. Too young.

- You still look quite young.

- That's cos I am, I suppose.

- How do you think history happens?

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