The History of Mr. Polly Page #2

- Thought I'd look you up.

- (She chuckles)

Fancy, you coming to see us like this.

Explorations menanderings.

Wait a moment.

I'll tell Ma.

- Ma?

- What?

- Ma, Cousin Alfred's here.

- He ain't!

- He is.

- You lazy thing!

(Raised voices)

(Chatter)

Go on. Come on, then!

Come on! Don't keep him waiting.

I didn't mean to shut you out.

I've just told Ma.

- (Crockery smashes)

- (Raised voices)

We're all in a bit of a mess today,

you know. It's my cleaning-up day.

Hello, Elfrid. Come in, come in.

Come in, Elfrid,

you've caught us on the 'op,

but welcome all the same.

(Giggles) Oh, I am glad

to see you again, Elfrid.

I didn't know you could

ride a bicycle, Elfrid.

- What, all the way here?

- Yes. I had a bit of a contretemps.

An accidentulous misadventure.

Ooh! Why, whatever happened?

A stout elderly gentlemen, shirtsleeves,

straw hat, starts to cross the road...

You never run him down, Elfrid!

- Not me! I never run anything down!

- (Laughter)

- Wobble. Ring the bell. Wobble.

- (Laughter)

Didn't ring his bell. Ran into me. Over

I went, clinging to his vulnerable 'ead.

(Laughter)

(Coughing)

Well, what happened then?

We sat amongst the debris

and had an argument.

I said he oughtn't to wear a dangerous

hat. He ought to leave it at home.

- You never run into anything.

- Never. So help me.

- Never, he says!

- Don't be so silly.

Ooh! Steady, old nag!

Whoa, my friskiacious palfry!

(Laughter)

The things he says!

You never know what he won't say next!

(Laughter)

- (Clock chimes)

- (Watch ticks)

- (Door opens)

- (Footsteps)

- Evening, old man.

- Not had an accident, Alfred?

Not much.

No, the pedal got a bit loose

in Stamton, old man. I couldn't ride it.

I looked up the cousins while I waited.

- Not the Larkins lot?

- Yes.

- See any shops?

- Shops?

- Yes, shops.

- Er... no. Nothing to speak of, old man.

Don't waste too much time.

We're happy to have you here...

You're right. I'll look into it

tomorrow, first thing.

Go off on my bicycle.

- Good night, Alfred.

- Good night, old man.

(Birdsong)

(Birdsong)

This is all right.

Business later.

(Footsteps)

(She sighs)

- Goodness!

- Can I... can I be of any assistance?

I don't know.

I didn't know anyone was here.

Sorry if I'm... intrudaceous.

It isn't that.

I oughtn't to get over the wall.

It's out of bounds, in term time.

- But this being holidays...

- Holidays is different.

I don't want to break the rules.

Well, leave them behind you,

where they're safe.

I think I'll stay on the wall.

So long as some of me's in bounds.

You bicycle? So do I.

- There's no harm in our talking.

- No, no, it's a kindness.

I was just sitting here

in melancholic rectrospectatiousness.

You know, you make me feel

like one of those old knights

who rode about the country looking

for dragons and beautiful maidens.

Oh, why?

- Beautiful maiden.

- Nonsense.

Oh, yes, you are. A beautiful maiden

imprisoned in an enchanted school.

- You wouldn't think it enchanted.

- And here am I clad in steel.

Well, at least my...

my fiery warhorse is.

Willing to absquatulate all the dragons

and rescue you.

You should see the dragons.

Fly with me.

(Laughs) You are funny.

I haven't known you five minutes.

We don't know each other's names.

Yours is the prettiest name

in the world.

- How do you know?

- Well, it must be.

It is rather pretty, yes. Christabel.

There you are. What did I tell you?

- And yours?

- Alfred.

- I can't call you Alfred.

- Well, um... well, Polly, then.

It's a girl's name.

I shan't forget it.

There is love at first sight.

I think I ought to get back over

the wall.

It needn't matter to you.

I'm just a nobody.

But I know that you're the best

and most beautiful thing

I've ever spoken to.

There's no harm in telling you that.

I should have to go back

if I thought you were serious.

- (Hand bell)

- Lawks!

(Christabel) Knight! Knight there!

Lady?

(Christabel) Come again.

At your command.

- But...

- Yes?

- Just one finger.

- What do you mean?

To kiss.

(Departing footsteps)

(Whispers) Christabel.

Hello.

Look here. It...

it's been over a week now.

Now, I can't keep up

this gesticulations game any longer.

I'm not a knight.

I'm nobody and nothing.

But look here. Will...

will you wait for me for five years?

- You're just a girl. It won't be hard.

- (Mouths)

I've always been just dilletentillating

about till now, but I could work.

I've just woke up. Wait till I get

a chance with the money I've got.

- But you haven't got much money.

- I've got enough to take a chance with.

I mean what I say. I'll... l'll stop

trifling and shirking and if I do...

- Don't.

- Don't what?

Don't go on being like this.

You... you're different.

- Go on being the knight.

- Yes, but I...

(Girl) Shut up, Rosie.

You idiot, he'll see you.

You're spoiling everything.

(Scrambling at wall)

- You've got someone...

- Oh, you filthy little beasts!

Oh! Mercy, mercy! Oh, Christabel!

You idiot! You giggling little idiot!

Fool.

Blithering fool!

Larkins.

Talk bosh.

Forget about it.

You are a stranger, Elfrid.

Where you been all this time?

Looking round.

- What you been doing to your face?

- Er... bit of a scrase with the bicycle.

- Someone ought to look after it.

- All rough it is.

- Found a shop?

- Oh, one or two likely ones.

You're taking your time about it.

It don't do to be too precipipitous.

No. Once you've got it, you've got it.

Like choosing a husband.

Better see you got it good.

Oh, I'll find a shop all right.

You don't want to worry about that.

When I do, I shall have a cat.

Must make a home for a cat.

- (Mrs Larkins) To catch mice?

- No, sleep in the window.

Cat I'm gonna have, and a canary.

Funny I never thought of that before,

but a cat and a canary seem to go.

Summer weather, I shall sit

in the little room behind the shop,

sun streaming through the window,

cat asleep on the chair, canary singing.

- Mrs Polly...

- (Mrs Larkins) 'Ello!

Mrs Polly frying an extra bit of bacon.

Cat singing, canary singing, kettle

singing, bacon singing, Mrs Polly...

And who's Mrs Polly going to be?

A figment of the imagination, ma'am,

put in to fill up the picture.

I must have a garden.

But I don't mean a fierce

sort of garden. Earnest industry.

No, a patch of 'sturtiums and sweet pea.

Creeper up the back of the house.

- You will 'ave it nice.

- Rather!

Ting-a-ling-a-ling! Shop!

Smart little shop. Counter. Desk.

Umbrella stand. Carpet on the floor.

Cat asleep on the counter. All right.

I wonder you don't set about it

right off.

Well, I need to get it exactly right.

I got to have a tomcat.

Wouldn't do to wake up

and find the shop full of kittens.

- You can't sell kittens.

- (Both laugh)

(Laughter)

(Children shout and laugh outside)

I like cats.

I always say to Mother,

"I wish we had a cat."

But we couldn't have a cat here.

Not with no yard.

Never had a cat, meself.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes