The Hoax Page #6

And we...

We are not afraid of civil litigation.

That's the tone, right there.

You got that? Watch it.

Is that it?

All right, Shelton,

while you're reading this,

assuming that Howard wrote

what he told me he was gonna write,

I will give a summary to the group here.

Howard doesn't know who Eaton is.

The book is a fake.

But that doesn't really matter now

because when he found out

that McGraw-Hill sold

the serialization rights to Life magazine

without his authorization,

he became...

What's the word? Apoplectic.

You got a problem, Ralph.

Your magazine is owned

by Henry Luce.

What's the matter with Henry Luce?

According to Howard?

Well, Luce is in bed with Juan Trippe

at Pan Am.

He's a goddamn socialist

and he's a lousy golfer.

It's just... It's a rant.

It's basically a three-page rant

about what a bastard Luce is.

That's Howard's words, it's not mine.

I don't have a problem with Luce at all.

And the postmark is Nassau.

That is completely irrelevant.

And we are talking about

a business agreement

that will hold up in a court of law.

We had a business agreement.

Not anymore.

I pleaded with him to reconsider,

but I was unsuccessful, so...

Per Howard's instructions,

I am returning

his $ 100,000 advance check to you.

Now, if you want to,

you can chase us around in court.

Meanwhile, we're gonna look

for another publisher.

Wait, no, Clifford.

Wait, no, Clifford.

Mr. Irving, we have a contract with you,

which means that our company

owns the property.

Wrong.

Through all of my pleading, hours of it,

believe me, it could be yours, Shelton.

It could. You could make a public

announcement within the week.

You know, and he's all right, actually,

with Ralph still being involved

with this thing,

provided you increase his advance

to one million dollars,

and not a penny less.

- What? A million dollars?

- Yes.

A million dollars?

Wait, I think we should try

to maintain an atmosphere

of goodwill and trust here.

- Trust?

- Yeah.

The man's a Texan copperhead.

"Trust."

Thank you.

Where are you going?

Where are you going? Wait a minute.

Let me tell you something.

That book is mine, signed and sealed!

And I'm not paying any goddamn

million dollars for it.

You understand that?

You listen to me,

Mr. Clifford f***ing Irving.

- You go and tell...

- I'm not Clifford Irving.

I'm Howard Hughes!

Howard's mouth, Howard's words.

One million dollars, or we walk

across the street to Doubleday.

It's your choice.

All right.

You know, Shelton,

I just want to share this with you.

You know, one of Howard's

alternate ideas,

he said, "Why don't I just buy

a controlling interest in McGraw-Hill?"

What was it he said?

"I'll just keep the printing presses

and get rid of the idiots."

That's an exact quote.

Bye.

UP AROUND THE BEND PLAYING

- That's it. Thank you.

- Sure.

Why are the boys so glum?

In the midst of our brilliant scheme,

we forgot to figure out

how to cash a check

made out to Howard Hughes.

Open up a Swiss account in his name

for yourself.

We were going to do that.

And then we found out

that you need social security numbers.

And it's traceable, even in Switzerland.

Trust me, we've gone over everything.

What if a woman deposits the check?

No, no. The same person

who opens the account

has to be the same person

that cashes the check.

Howard Hughes. It has to be a man.

Tell his publishers

he changed his mind.

He wants the checks written

to his initials now. H.R. Hughes.

Then, a fake passport, a fake name,

Harriet Rhonda Hughes,

Helga Rhinoceros Hughes,

And I can cash the check.

- No, you're not going to Switzerland.

- Oh, Jesus. That's a great idea.

Cliff, that's gonna work.

She can cash the check.

- She's my wife, Dick.

- Yeah, I know she's your wife.

I've reminded you of that fact

from time to time.

You know, when he doesn't call,

stuff like that.

We've talked about it already.

No, I'm...

- It's just about anonymity, that's all it is.

- I wouldn't...

- Great. Which one's mine?

- That... No, that's the old one.

So you're gonna destroy this?

- Okay, very good, thanks.

- Okay.

It's gonna take at least a week

for the check to clear,

so you're gonna have plenty of time

to enjoy Zurich.

The McGraw-Hill

Book Company and Life magazine

announced the publication

of the Hughes' autobiography...

... that he interviewed

Hughes on many occasions.

... autobiography, urging

buyers to place an order now

for what may prove to be the most

controversial book of the century.

I have phone calls, I have telegrams,

I have cease-and-desist orders.

Miss Tate, am I going to pay this man

a million dollars

for a book that he is going to sue me

for publishing?

My back is broken.

What did you order?

If you were concerned,

maybe you can ask Howard

to stop the more adamant denials.

Yeah, yeah. I gotta run.

Let me see if I can do

something about that, okay?

"Hughes' lawyer

calls book complete fabrication."

That's it, we're liars.

Hughes' lawyers calling us liars.

We knew this would

happen. Why are you so nervous?

My name's in the goddamn newspaper!

Barbara's very concerned about this.

A month ago, you wanted more credit.

Yeah, well, you know, Hughes' people,

they're all ex-CIA.

Did you know that?

They're all trained in martial arts.

Good, good. I hope they drop-kick

some sense into you.

- Sh*t. What is that about?

- Is it over with her?

- Over with her?

- I don't know what this is.

Edith, she did this

deliberately, maliciously,

because I cut off

communication with her.

She wants this to separate us.

Did you see her? No, don't, don't...

I don't want to know.

I don't want to know.

I don't want you to go to Switzerland.

It might be dangerous.

I don't care about the money.

Bullshit.

You care only about the money.

Oh, and being a famous man.

Anyway, f*** you. It is my money, too.

F*** you!

Oh, my God.

We got him.

We got him.

- Dick! Dick!

- What?

- Dick, we got it. We got it.

- Got what?

You won't believe this.

Okay, listen. Rebozo...

"Rebozo accepted $ 100,000 in cash

to redecorate Nixon's home.

"The acceptance was understood

to mean that our TWA appeal

"and the Airwest matter

would be of highest priority."

And also, in 1956, Hughes gave

Nixon's brother $205,000 dollars

to secure Pentagon contracts.

This is money-laundering. It's bribery.

It's the end. This is...

We publish this,

Nixon... Nixon, the president,

is impeached.

Do you understand

the power this gives us?

Cliff, I'm not sure

I want the power this gives us.

Yeah, well, I do.

Cliff, you publish this, you will have

a storm of sh*t rain down on you.

And there are people now,

God knows who,

Nixon's political enemies, Hughes'

advisors, they know where you live.

Yes.

- I say you forget you ever saw this.

- Forget it?

This is like a Torah

sent down from God

to make us part of history,

and you want to forget it, Dick?

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