The Honor List Page #3

This is so much fun!

(LAUGHS)

I don't wanna be...

(MUSIC AND ENGINE STOP)

Um, actually I...

I want to tell you something.

Could you put this back on?

I... I just feel like

I might actually tell you

if I pretend I'm talking to Mo.

You talk to Mo?

Sometimes.

Do you think

that's confusing for him,

because I'm like

his alter ego or...

Anyway, uh...

here it goes.

I'm a virgin, too.

Not by choice, exactly, but,

yeah, I've never done it, so...

maybe we're not

so different from each other?

Can I see your ring?

Yeah.

Pretty.

Thank you.

(STEREO PLAYING MUSIC)

(HONOR CHUCKLES)

(GASPS)

O.M.G. Eww!

Is that what they look like?

Wait. What? Wait.

You've never seen one before?

- No.

- (SQUEALS)

It's so angry-looking.

Ugh. I know. (SQUEALS)

- (CELLPHONE CHIMES)

- Wait.

He wants me to send him nudes.

One in a million

Yeah, I'm one in a million

- (LAUGHS)

- I burned a bridge

And I got out of town

Whispered winds pulled me in

- Now I'm not coming down...

- (LAUGHS)

Wait. What did you just do?

Oh, I'm just kidding.

I sent him

a picture of my granddad

when he went to the beach

and lost his Speedos.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Oh, my God. Eww.

Don't make me feel like

I've never known life

I'm one in a million

Yeah, I'm one in a million

Baby, you feel like

I've never known life...

You know,

when I was dating Antony,

he pressured me all the time.

He told me that if

I wanted to kiss and hug,

we'd have to do it first.

I-Is that why

you broke up with him?

(SIGHS)

(GROANS)

It's so stupid.

Like, why does it

always have to be about sex?

I know.

Why don't we make a pact

to stay virgins?

Really?

Yeah.

It's us versus the whole school.

Let's wait to have sex

until we're married.

Or at least engaged.

(BOTH LAUGH)

PIPER:
Do you see

any chicks up here?

Yeah, there's no way

we can do this.

That's sexist.

Yeah, totally sexist,

but true.

I've researched

competitive eating.

If we stand up, it'll give us

more room for food.

If we dunk each slice

into water,

it'll lubricate the pizza

going down our throats.

Ugh. Yeah, no, I'm pretty sure

I'm allergic to garlic.

I'm lactose intolerant,

but I'm still doing this.

Yeah, I'm just not sure.

What, you're too afraid

to desecrate

your perfect online image?

No, I don't care about that.

Sure.

Think of Honor.

Her whole life was grapefruits

and hard-boiled eggs.

(SONG IN ITALIAN PLAYING)

(SCOFFS)

Uh, we're here for the Big

Mama & Papa's Pizza challenge.

Perfecto.

First we need you

to challenge another group.

We choose them.

Seriously?

- (SIGHS)

- Boom.

Boom.

- Pow.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, I don't know.

- Think is gonna be okay.

Bathroom is back there. Okay.

You have one hour

to finish these pizzas.

Let's make history, girls.

I mean, I'm on my period,

so I've got this.

Pronte, attente, via.

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Ooh ooh ooh ooh

Ooh ooh ooh ooh

Ooh ooh ooh ooh

Ooh ooh ooh ooh

Let's go, let's go

It'll all,

it'll be all right

Let's go, let's go

So much fun,

I can dance all night

'Cause we're rocking,

and we're rolling

Going to the party tonight

Yeah, we're rocking,

now we're rolling

Going to the party tonight

Ooh ooh ooh ooh

Ooh ooh ooh ooh

Ooh ooh ooh ooh

Ooh ooh ooh ooh

Ooh ooh ooh ooh

Ooh ooh ooh ooh

- Let's go, let's go...

- (LAUGHING)

What?

It looks like someone

threw up on your face.

Okay, have you seen your face?

Or Sophie's?

(LAUGHTER)

No, no, no, no, no.

Can't laugh. It hurts.

You have one minute left.

Look, we're not gonna finish.

We just have to beat them,

wipe their saucy smiles

off their CrossFit faces.

(GAGS)

I can't. No more.

I give in.

No, you can't give in.

Would you let

those Worth the Wait girls

star in "Girls Gone Wild"?

Mm-mm.

Then show me your willpower!

- Oh, God.

- (GROANING)

'Cause we're rockin'

Now we're rollin'

Going to the party tonight

Yeah, we're rocking...

Good job. Proud of you.

Going to the party tonight

- Yeah, we're rocking

- Rocking

- Now we're rolling

- Rolling...

- Time's up.

- (GROANS)

Yeah, we're rocking,

now we're rolling...

(CHEERING)

Ugh.

We tell no one about this.

Sophie, do you have antacids?

Yeah. They're in my purse.

Oh, no. Block your ears again.

- La, la la la la!

- (PLOPPING)

La, la la! (GROANS)

(LAUGHS)

(SPRAYING)

Okay,

I'm gonna cross this off.

Next one on the list is...

perform at an open mic night.

Piper, this has your name

written all over it.

What do you mean?

It's from that time

that you choked

before the variety show

in eighth grade.

(LAUGHS) That's right.

It was so embarrassing.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Hey, you cannot talk

about embarrassing.

We can literally hear you

shitting molten lava.

I hate myself.

(CELLPHONE BUZZES)

(CHIME RINGS)

You're leaving?

Yeah.

O-Okay.

Bye, Sophie.

Okay, bye.

There's really

not a... a good way to say this

or a good time.

Your dad is moving out.

We were gonna wait until after

graduation to tell you, but...

Your mom can't live with me

for one more second.

You're the one who said

our marriage was dead.

Suppose this

was a long time coming.

So you're

just gonna leave, too?

Got an early-morning lecture.

You seen my jacket?

It's in the back room.

(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

"There's something

both frightening

"and yet so very comforting

about darkness.

"It's in the way it hugs

every curve of your body,

"how it forgives

those mountains and plateaus

"that daylight does not.

"In the darkness, you can hide.

"You can hide

from pretty much anything,

so you turn off the lights."

I don't even know

if it's poetry,

just random thoughts,

brain excrement.

No one's ever read it.

I feel like I'm in the dark,

like I'm hiding.

You do? From what?

I keep listening

to "Appassionata."

Beethoven wrote it

when he was losing his hearing

and no one knew.

He hid it from everyone.

He was in the dark.

Can I tell you something?

Yeah. What's up?

You should keep writing.

Your brain excrement

is good sh*t.

(BOTH LAUGH)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Let go

We're climbing up

a step higher

Let go

We're reaching out

to touch gold...

No, no, no, no, no,

I am an average white guy.

But I'm expected

to somehow be doing awesome,

succeeding, and kicking ass,

despite being average.

Because I'm white?

Let me ask you something.

If being white was all

it was cracked up to be,

I should be hosting

my own show on cable TV, right?

Well, then why am I stuck

emceeing this open mic?

'Cause you suck.

- (LAUGHTER)

- Loser.

Yeah, my... my mom showed up,

everyone. Heh.

O-Oh, my God.

Guys. Hi.

Uh, w-what are you doing here?

We could ask you

the same question.

We're here for the gig later.

Oh.

Thought you were

helping your dad?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, I was.

I just... I just saw there...

We're here for open mic night.

(SNICKERS)

Why is that, J-Lo?

Because Honor wanted us to.

(MOCKING) "Because Honor

wanted us to do it."

Don't embarrass yourself,

Leah.

It'll ruin your spray tan.

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