The Horizontal Lieutenant Page #8

Except the 6 people

stationed there. All men!

Heh heh. You read me clearly?

I read... out!

Sir.

What do you think you're

doing, sergeant? Get to work!

Me? I was just...

what, are you planted there

or something? Look alive!

What did I do?

All I did, I was just...

you're supposed

to be sweeping!

Well, sweep!

This is a battlefront,

not Waikiki Beach!

Swing that broom,

you Buddha-head!

What are you looking at?

Get moving!

[Barking]

See anything?

Boy, there's not

a sign of him.

He's got to be here someplace.

Sure, even if they planted

him underground.

Don't.

If anything happens

to that kid, I'll hang myself.

[Man and woman laughing]

[Speaking Japanese]

Ohh! Whoo! Whoo!

[Speaking Japanese]

Psst, Tada. Come here.

Hi there, lieutenant.

What's a good word?

Get over here.

Sure.

And we were worried

about this guy.

What do you think

you're doing?

I was having my bath.

Akiko treating me real good.

Yeah, you're really having a ball

for yourself down here, aren't you?

I get by.

Yeah.

Well, look, Naki-Pu,

if you want to stay in this

oriental paradise,

you better dig

up some information, and fast.

I got information.

Very important.

The people down here say now,

it's a very good

thing for them

that American army

occupy this island.

So, Sunday night, they are going

to give a big entertainment

in honor of army brass,

and me... I'm going

to be in the show!

Now, that's what I call

hot news.

Yeah, we may give you the bronze

star, right in the teeth.

Wait! I got more.

You know who's going

to be here that night?

Kobayashi hisself!

How do you know?

What you mean, how I know?

I'm a spy, ain't I?

Akiko told me.

And something else, too.

Akiko going to point

him out to us.

What do you mean?

She's going to turn him in?

Sure. Akiko on our side now.

I been indoctrinating her.

I'll bet you have.

No fooling.

I tell her, it's better

Kobayashi gets captured.

Then, he don't get hurt.

[Cups rattling]

Excuse me. It's time

for my tea.

Those men,

what they want?

You knew they were here?

I am listening

behind the screen.

Oh, sure. It was nothing much.

Just some spy talk.

Ne, what does it mean,

"indocrinating"?

Indoctrinating?

That is very important.

It means... Like this.

I think perhaps

I like "indocrinating."

This is the greatest

failure in the spy racket

since Mata Hari

blew it in 1918.

Now, you remember if there's anything

you need, you or him,

you be sure and call

me at the hospital.

Understand? Hospital?

Ok, good-bye.

Blue, please.

I'm sorry about what happened,

and if you just try to forget,

I promise I'll never

lose my head again,

even if you lose yours first.

Brief me, lieutenant.

I lost my head when?

Well, that day

up on the cliff, you know.

I did no such thing.

Well, I still got black-and-blue

marks to prove it.

Where?

Well, let's not get technical.

Now, you look here,

Lieutenant Wye,

if you think you're going

to blame me for...

ok, ok, ok!

I'm the one.

It's me. I'm a beast!

And do you know why?

Because I'm out of my crazy

head about you,

that's why. Is that a crime?

[Crowd laughing]

Whoa!

Hey!

It's me... Roy Tada.

I'm wearing a mask.

Are you sure?

Maybe you're very, very sick.

Ha ha ha! What's the plan?

When Kobayashi comes,

Akiko going to point

him out to me.

Then I scratch my head

like this. See?

Then, you move in for capture.

Well, what time

will he get here?

Sometime during the show.

But Japanese show

sometime go all night.

Well, lots of luck.

Psst.

Merle:
Good evening, sir.

Time is running

out, lieutenant.

But, of course, I don't

have to remind you.

Are you packed yet?

I see you're wearing a side

arm, which in your case,

can only mean that you're

planning to shoot yourself.

It's not a bad notion.

[Gong sounds]

Greetings to American army.

We are invite you here

tonight with great honor.

To instigate the festivity,

we present now 3 so beautiful

Japanese dancing girls.

Hey, I haven't seen

any dancing girls

since I left the states.

[Applause]

For your next pleasurable

entertaining,

we present, for your approval,

exhibition of an ancient

Japanese fencing match.

Here comes our spy.

[Yelling]

[Laughing]

Ohh.

There goes our spy.

He may need medical attention.

Is he coming around?

I don't know.

We may have to take

him to the hospital.

Oh, he'll be all right.

Just throw some water

in his face.

Rub his wrists,

rub his wrists.

Oh, sure. Water in the face.

Where did you get

your medical degree, doctor?

Blue, please. We've got

to get this man on his feet.

We need him.

What are you talking about?

I can't explain now,

but he's an American.

He doesn't look

like an American.

Well, I can't help

what he looks like.

He happens to be

an American spy.

Hey, here he is. [Groaning]

Here he is.

Hi, lieutenant. How

you like my act?

Your act was fine.

How's your head?

I think I got bumped.

Not bad though, eh?

Just a small one.

Yeah, feels like a basketball.

I'll be ok, though.

Good boy, Tada.

I'm going to see

that you get the purple

heart for this.

Yeah, sure.

I'm going to be all covered

up with medals.

All I got to do is live

long enough, though.

So, that's what a spy

looks like.

I always wondered.

He's going to help us

capture Kobayashi tonight.

He is? Maybe you're the one

that needs water in the face.

Psst! Psst!

Psst!

[Applause]

It gives me great pleasure

to introduce to you Akiko Tanikawa,

the sweetheart of Rotohan

Detention Camp.

[Singing in Japanese]

I like a gershwin tune

[Speaking Japanese]

I like a fireside

When a storm is due

[Speaking Japanese]

How about you?

I like to read good books

Can't get my fill

But all the soldiers' looks

They give me a thrill

Holding hands

in a movie show

When all the lights are low

May not be new, but

I like it

I like it

I like it

How about

[Speaking Japanese]

You?

[Applause]

For another big attraction

of the evening,

we presenting now

the butterfly man,

the great Japanese

artist of tightrope.

[Audience gasps]

[Applause]

Psst!

That guy's Kobayashi?

Tada must have

ripped his buttons.

I'd like to rip his buttons.

Wait till I get

my hands on him.

Must have been that hit

on the head.

Look at him, will you?

He's gone goofy.

Let's go humor him.

[Applause]

And now, to so fine audience,

and to someone very

special to me,

I will perform a trick

as never performed before...

a back leap on the wire.

You ask him.

I feel like a dope.

Excuse me, sir.

We'd like to talk to you

about a man named Kobayashi.

Hey, I think it's him!

Kobayashi! Stop that man!

Stop that man!

Stop or I'll shoot!

Hey, look out with that thing.

I don't believe it.

I don't believe it.

You mean, the man who escaped

was actually Kobayashi?

Sir...

not a soldier,

but a circus performer.

Michido said he come here

to entertain the Japanese troops.

That's how she meet him.

Not even a soldier, and you let

him slip through your fingers.

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