The Horse in the Gray Flannel Suit Page #5

three medals and qualify for Washington.

Washington?

Oh, you are one.

The worst kind.

- If-if I weren't so fond of Helen, I'd...

- Well, now, just a minute.

Oh, all you need is a...

is a bullwhip and a pair of jackboots.

- Now it's all very well for you.

- Excuse me, Mr. Bolton.

I promised Barnaby

I'd watch this go-round.

[Sighs]

[Announcer]

Trot your horses, please.

That's very good, Barnaby.

Miss Clemens, what would happen

if you gave Helen a lesson every day...

including Sundays?

She might start winning.

She's got natural talent.

She's got a good animal,

but she needs work on basics...

simple horsemanship.

She's gotta develop

a partnership with that horse of hers.

Will you do it?

- Do what?

- Whatever you said.

Every single day,

and don't ask me why.

- Why?

- [Chuckles]

I like you, S.J.

Is it a deal?

It's a deal.

That's absolutely t... t...

- [Sneezes]

- Now you try it again and

don't depend on the reins.

Balance, legs. Make him know

what you want him to do.

Okay, I'll try.

Come on, Aspie. Communicate.

You know, I've been sitting on this

bony fence for almost a month now...

watching you and Helen.

And I've been asking myself

a question... about you.

I know, Mr. Bolton.

I've been watching you sitting here...

on this bony fence every day

for the past month...

and I know

the exact question.

- You do?

- I do.

Helen, that's much better.

Now take him through again slowly...

without the jump.

Question:
How come

a pretty girl like you:

A. Isn't married?

B. Isn't engaged?

C. Prefers a quiet evening

at home with a good book to A or B?

That's very close.

How come?

Two years ago, I was one day away

from getting married.

His name was Archer Madison.

And he had several million dollars

more than was good for him.

- Whoops, I'm sorry. I knew

I shouldn't have asked.

- No, no, no, that's okay.

Balance, Helen.

Balance.

Archer looked so beautiful

on a horse.

He rode on

the U.S. Equestrian Team.

So, well, it would have been

a perfect marriage the way Archer saw it.

We would tour the world

together forever... on horseback.

But that wasn't the way

you saw it.

Not quite. I didn't want the patter

of little hooves.

I wanted a two-footed family with

an ever-faithful, true-blue helpmate...

and all the rest

of the cornball trimmings.

You're okay, S.J.

[Chuckles]

That's enough, Helen.

Walk him for a while.

When I return tomorrow,

we can discuss your early childhood.

You won't have to come back, Mr. Bolton.

Helen's graduated.

I've entered her

in the Oak Valley show.

I think now she's ready

to start winning some ribbons.

[Chattering]

- Isn't it beautiful, Daddy?

- Honey, it is absolutely gorgeous.

- Look at that. Our first medal.

- Oh, it's marvelous.

- Two more, then on to Washington.

- Washington? Mr. Bolton...

- Suzie, from now on, it's Fred.

- [Charlie] Okay, everybody.

Cheese.

Hi.

Uh, hi.

Wait a minute.

You're putting it on backwards.

You know, you look

kinda flaked out.

Oh, it's just a cramp.

L-it's gone now.

[Gasping]

Oh.

Bolton, I've had my agents

checking on you lately.

You're tensing up.

Why don't you kick the horse show habit

for a couple of weeks and relax?

I'm having a wonderful time,

Ronnie.

Yeah?

- Uh, would you like a root beer?

- Uh-uh.

I'll tell you what. I'll take charge

of this case personally.

How about a movie tonight?

A movie? Me?

I mean, us?

Then afterwards,

maybe a pizza or somethin'.

- I really have to practice.

- Well, let the horse practice.

- Thanks, Ronnie, but I can't

tonight, really.

- Then how about Friday night?

Friday's the show

at Rockford.

Then Saturday, for sure.

And no excuses.

Okay.

I'll come by for ya around 6:00.

And you be ready. Ya got it?

- Oh, and good luck.

- Huh?

- On your medal class.

- Oh.

[Bolton]

When nothing's feelin' well

I said, a-reach

a-reach, brother

A-reach for Aspercel

- Did you write that, boss?

- Sure I did.

- That's pretty good.

- Yeah, yeah, you know,

I used to play guitar.

- Hello, Freddie.

- Well, well. Well!

Well, Mr. Dugan,

this is a pleasant surprise.

Ah, Aspercel, meet your sponsor,

Mr. Thomas Dugan.

Mr. Dugan, this is

your four-footed, subliminal gold mine.

I'd like to speak to you

privately, Freddie.

- Uh, privately.

- About this subliminal gold mine.

Sure thing, Mr. Dugan.

Hank, walk him around a little bit.

- Then saddle him up, will ya?

- Sure, boss. Come on, meatball.

Uh, Hank,

his name's Aspercel.

Yeah, I know. How come you picked

a stupid name like that?

A lousy stomach pill,

no less.

[Chuckling]

Hank thinks he's a comic.

I only keep him around

because the horse laughs at his jokes.

Well, I've been working on a brochure

of our progress so far, Mr. Dugan.

Soon as the dust settles

just a little bit, I want you to...

The dust has already settled,

and most of it's on you.

- What's that?

- I'm gonna give you a chance

to level with me.

I think this whole campaign

is something you cooked up...

just so your daughter

could get a horse for nothing.

- Now wait a minute.

I've got faith in this idea.

- I don't want faith.

I want that international

class publicity you promised to get me.

I want Vogue and Harper's Bazaar,

the Illustrated London News.

I want TV cameras,

and what do I get?

After two months of hard work,

you come up with this:

"Miss Helen Bolton won

first prize last Saturday...

mounted on "Aspirin'."

Oh, that's a hot item

to bounce offTelstar.

Now I have gotten better stuff

than that, and you know it.

That's a dirty curve.

- I didn't come here to argue.

- Then lay off.

- What did you say?

- I said lay off!.

I got a great idea here, Mr. Dugan,

and you're smart enough man to know I have.

Now give it a chance

to build.

I'm going on the road next week.

I'm gonna see editors

in Cleveland, Detroit, Chicago.

If I don't flood the class media

by the time my little girl gets

to the Washington International...

you can have myjob,

the vice presidency...

- You have a lot of

confidence, haven't you?

- You bet I have.

No.

No, I haven't.

I'm just as insecure as the next guy,

but get off my neck.

Give me a chance

to make this thing work.

All right. All right!

You get your little girl to Washington.

She needs two more medals.

She'll get one of them this

afternoon. She'll get the other

one next Friday at Rockford.

That doesn't sound

as insecure as the next guy.

Well, fortunately,

I'm not riding the horse.

Oh, yes, you are.

There's a lot riding on that horse:

The Allied Drug account,

your job with Tomes.

Oh, I'm gonna keep my eye

on that horse.

I only hope he's strong enough

to carry the load.

[Exhales]

[Gasping]

[Sneezes]

[Announcer] Next exhibitor,

number 189, 1-8-9...

- Aspercel, ridden by Helen Bolton.

- Come on, Aspie.

Make me look good.

We've got to win this one.

- Good luck, Helen.

- Good luck, Helen.

Will all entries in Class Number Three

move back into the ring, please?

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