The Horse in the Gray Flannel Suit Page #7

- "Crime in the suburbs."

- Sergeant, let's be...

Look at these shorts!

Now, would a self-respecting

thief go around stealing horses

in shorts like this?

- Why not?

- Because it's insane!

Hey, there's a fresh angle.

Call the psychiatric ward...

and see if they misplaced

one of the patients.

[Grunts]

Okay, that's enough.

You and the beard, out!

Certainly, sir.

Just one more picture. Alex.

Sergeant, Sergeant, please...

Sergeant, call my house just one last time.

Now, my aunt is bound

to be there by now. She'll identi...

Alex! [Sputters]

She'll identify me!

She'll also tell you

who that creep is.

Name-calling will

avail you nothing, sir. Come on, Alex.

Charlie Blake!

Ha, ha! Ha, ha! See that?

See that? He knows his own name!

Of course, I know my name.

But what's your name? That's the question.

Thanks for your cooperation,

officer. Come on, Alex.

Sergeant, Sergeant, don't

let him out of this building.

They're gonna make a fool

of me in the newspapers.

- That won't be no uphill battle.

Believe me.

- Oh!

- Hey, Sarge.

- Yeah, Eddie.

The lady from Westhill Road

just called. She came home and

found the horse in its stable.

Did ya ask her?

Did ya tell her?

Well, I told her we got a suspect here

who says he's your nephew.

- Yeah?

- And she says, "My nephew isn't

a suspect. He's in Chicago."

But l-l-l-I took an early...

I demand that I call her

back immediately!

Too bad, Mac.

You just ran out of phone calls.

Why don't you make yourself comfy?

You've had a very busy day.

[Murmurs]

[Door Closes]

- [Bluegrass]

- As if I didn't have enough problems...

without you running away.

You ought to be ashamed

of yourself.

Don't you ever

do that again.

[Man On Radio] And now

for five minutes of the latest news.

On the lighter side,

Connecticut's first horse-napping...

in many years is solved.

Aspercel,

a well-known jumping horse...

returned late this afternoon

to his owner, Miss Helen Bolton.

- Aspie, that's us!

- But here's the topper.

The alleged horse stealer

turns out to be the young lady's father...

Mr. Fred Bolton

of Westhill Road.

[Chuckles] Don't ask us why, folks.

We can't figure it either.

On the international scene,

things are not proceeding quite as well.

[Radio Clicks Off]

- Oh, Aspie, it was one of

daddy's publicity things.

- [Car Approaching]

[Horn Honks]

- [Honking Continues]

- Ronnie!

Hey, tiger, that you?

That man is here.

- Hi, Ronnie.

- Well, hi.

Hey, why aren't ya dressed?

- Dressed?

- Well, it's Saturday. Remember our date?

Oh, yes, uh, it is Saturday.

Hey, uh, you aren't

standin' me up, are ya?

Well, Ronnie, you see,

Aspie disappeared this afternoon.

You are standin' me up!

- And I have to wait for Suzie.

- Suzie!

- She's coming over to see

if Aspie's all right.

- Aspie!

I'm sorry.

Oh, you're sorry. Hey, that's great.

That takes care of everything.

All my plans,

my whole Saturday.

Look at me.

I even wore a tie.

Isn't there anything you

think of besides horse shows?

I hate horse shows!

- What?

- I hate 'em!

Well, then, for pete's sake,

why do ya keep goin'?

If I don't win at Millbrook,

I won't win another medal.

And if I don't win another medal

and go on to Washington...

my father will lose

his job and...

And... l...

I'm sorry you had

to wear a tie for nothing!

- [Nickers]

- Well, I didn't mean to...

Get out of the way, will ya?

Hey, wait a minute!

[Whinnies]

- What the heck was that all about?

- [Nickers]

[Sighs]

[Clears Throat] Uh, Mr. Bolton,

we'd, uh, like to apologize, sir.

You do and I'll never buy another ticket

to your annual clambake.

- Hmm.

- Souvenir.

- Well, good night, gentlemen.

- Uh, good night, Mr. Bolton.

[Both Laughing]

Uh, I'll return

the costume tomorrow.

- It was a pleasure booking you.

- Yeah. Ha, ha.

Uh, if I decide to steal another horse,

I'll call ya. [Chuckles]

Mr. Bolton?

Oh, hi, Ronnie. Yeah, I thought that

was your car out there.

What are you doing?

Waiting for Helen?

No, sir.

I was waiting for you.

- There's somethin' I gotta say,

even if it does get ya upset.

- Upset?

You may really get mad,

but I'm gonna say it anyway.

Mr. Bolton,

I've always admired you.

Is that supposed

to make me mad?

I always thought you were a real nice guy

and a real swell father.

- I admired you.

- Until tonight?

Yes, sir. I mean, I don't want to

tell you what to do, but...

But I know when I have kids,

if there's a situation where

they don't wanna do somethin'...

well, I'd never

make 'em do it...

even if the only reason they were doin' it

was so I wouldn't lose my job.

- Lose my job?

- Shh! She's crackin' up,

Mr. Bolton. She really is.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. What are we...

- Are we talkin' about Helen?

- Yes, sir.

- I've always admired you, Mr. Bolton...

- You said that. Sit down, Ronnie.

Now, suppose you tell me

everything you know.

- Well, all I know is...

- And slowly.

Well, all I know is we had

a date tonight, and I showed up

with a tie and everything...

and I asked her why

she was standin' me up.

Then she started ravin'

about winnin' medals...

and how she had to go to Washington

or you'd lose your job.

And then

she started bawlin'.

Oh, hi, Daddy. Aunt Martha's

at her garden club,

but your dinner's on the stove.

I seem to be coming down

with a cold.

Uh, how come you never told me

you hated horse shows?

What? Who told you that?

Ronnie told me that.

Oh, Daddy.

And, uh, what's

this nonsense about, uh...

my losing my job?

It isn't nonsense, Daddy.

I heard what Mr. Dugan said at Lakeville.

I didn't mean to listen.

I just heard.

Well, I don't care

what Mr. Dugan said.

You know,

a job's just a job.

But what's here at home...

between...

That's what's important.

I mean, that's important.

I'm not gonna lose that.

You're not gonna ride

in any more horse shows.

Oh, Daddy.

- Daddy, I can get to Washington.

- No.

Suzie... She's coming over here.

She was gonna work with me all week.

- Daddy, if I practice...

- No!

- Even if I want to?

- Now, listen, you try to con me...

I'm gonna take you across

my knee like I used to.

- You never took me over your knee.

- Well, I should have.

Now, you, uh, wipe that smeary face

and get outside.

Ronnie's waiting on you.

But I look terrible, and he's

wearing a tie. I'm not even dressed.

Somehow I don't think

it'll matter. Now, go on.

Daddy, will we have

to sell Aspie?

Are you kidding? Of course,

we're not selling Aspie.

He's a member of the family.

[Laughs]

Ronnie!

[Door Closes]

Well, Herbie, I wonder

how the market is...

for slightly used

vice presidents.

- So?

- He's fine.

- Only a few scratches. That's all.

- Good, good.

Now all I have to do is

figure out how to feed him

on my unemployment check.

- You'll find a way.

- I do have one angle.

I'm thinking of joining the circus

as a bareback rider.

Don't knock it. Aspie and I went over

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