The House of Yes Page #3

Oh, well, we are. I mean,

except when we're actually having it.

- Sex?

- No.

You know, "the visitor."

- That's what I call it.

- Are you saving yourself for marriage?

- How do you mean?

- Blood on the sheets, all that.

Well, we live together,

Marty and me.

Must be hard, saving yourself

for marriage when you live together.

- I'm not saving myself.

- No?

- You think I should've?

- If I were getting married, I'd wanna check out the goods.

- Me too.

- How were they?

- The goods?

- Marty?

Oh, I can't describe.

- What's the wildest place you've ever made love?

- With Marty?

- Yes.

- I can't talk like that about your brother!

Pretend he's not my brother.

I do.

Well, this one time...

- What?

- I can't.

- Why not?

- It's embarrassing.

- If you don't tell me, I'll just get it out of Marty.

- Oh, he would never.

- Never what?

- Talk like that.

- Marty and I tell each other everything.

- Everything?

We're twins.

Did he tell you

about his other girlfriends?

- Did he tell you about his other girlfriends?

- There was one, he said.

- Did he tell you about her?

- No. What was she like?

- Who?

- The girl.

She wasn't a girl.

She was a woman.

She was older than Marty.

No, they were almost exactly

the same age. Talk about glamorous.

She was glamorous.

I thought so.

Is she still here, in Washington?

- Very much so. I wonder...

- What?

- No, it's none of my business.

- What?

Well, if he plans to get together

with her while he's home.

- Why didn't he marry her?

- He couldn't.

- Why not?

- It was a family thing.

- Families objected?

- Something like that.

- He never told me.

- Men and their secrets.

- Not all men have secrets.

- We all have our secrets.

Jeez.

The fire's gone out already.

The rain must be comin' in.

Where's Jackie-O?

In her room.

- What she doing there?

- I don't know. Brushing her hair.

How's she doin'?

- I-I don't know. She's in her room.

- I mean, generally.

Good. I mean,

good for Jackie.

What does she do all day?

I-I don't know. I mean,

what does anybody do all day?

What do you do all day?

What do I do all day?

What do you do all day?

I don't know.

- She reads books.

- What kind of books?

- Assassination books.

- What else?

That's about it.

- How many assassination books can there be?

- A lot.

Lincoln, McKinley,

Kennedy, King, Kennedy...

- All right.

- And she watches soap operas.

She likes it especially when they have a

character, and that actress leaves the show...

and a new actress steps in

and becomes the character.

Nobody on the show notices

any difference, they just...

Jackie watches soap operas?

I guess you heard

about the seltzer water thing.

That was the last big,

you know...

- It was flat.

- Yeah.

So what'd she do?

Well, she started screamin' about

bubbles, how there were no bubbles.

So she started boiling

the seltzer water.

When the water started bubbling, she poured the

boiling water back into the seltzer bottle...

which was plastic and started

to melt and kind of melted...

into her hand

where she was holding it.

She had to go to the emergency room

with third-degree burns.

And on the way home, whenever

Mom and I asked her a question...

she'd tell us to,

"Stop giving me the third degree."

- - And she'd laugh,

kind of like, hysterically.

So, she's not what

you'd call "recovered."

Do you think I should stay?

Yes.

Yes, I do.

Uh, you're not supposed

to have that.

- What?

- The wine.

- Isn't there enough?

- There's enough, but...

- She's not supposed to have that.

- Why not?

- Because of her medication.

- Not this medication, Anthony.

The one before, I couldn't drink.

They've switched me.

I used to be green.

Now, I'm brown.

I wanted pills to match my eyes.

Color me beautiful.

Mama wants us to leave. She's afraid

I'm gonna push you over the edge.

Oh, I've been over the edge.

Now I'm back.

- Lesly doesn't know about the hospital.

- Oh?

She knows about the hospital,

but not what kind of hospital.

- Does she know about your hospital?

- Sort of.

Let me guess.

You had your appendix out?

- You did?

- No.

- Hey, Marty, you wanna show me your scar?

- No.

I'm sorry about that, by the way.

I didn't mean to maim you.

- I only meant to kill you.

- Well, these things happen.

I've noticed Anthony wears a lot of

layers around me, don't you, Anthony?

Look at him. He's got a T-shirt,

a dress shirt, a vest and a jacket.

- I'm wearing a jacket 'cause it's Thanksgiving.

- You weren't wearing it before.

- I put it on after Marty got here.

- I appreciate it. It looks nice.

I got it at the Treasure Trove.

I think it belonged to a Kennedy.

- Why, is there a bullet hole?

- Marty, you're home.

The lady said Mrs. Kennedy

donated a bunch of stuff.

She was pretty sure this was

in the Kennedy batch.

See, Marty, you turned

the household upside down.

Anthony went out

and bought a jacket.

And I went to a lot of trouble

to get sane, so you can't just leave.

Lesly, on the other hand,

is free to go at any time.

I've never been to a hurricane before.

Have you?

- Yes.

- When?

Before you were born. We went to Virginia

Beach. Our motel was on the water.

Mom and Dad were drinking rum and Pepsi

out of Styrofoam cups and giggling.

All the good stuff happened

before I got born.

- This wine's not very cold.

- Mama forgot to put it back in the icebox.

- I wish I had a piece of ice.

- I'll get you one.

- Oh, don't you go, Anthony. Marty, fetch me a piece of ice.

- I'll get it for you.

Marty's been in the car all day. I'm sure he'd

leap at an opportunity to stretch his legs.

He doesn't know

where we keep the ice.

- Everyone knows where you keep the ice, Anthony!

- I'll get the ice.

Are you gonna be good

when Lesly comes down?

- Marty, I'm the hostess.

- Yeah.

Make sure it's cold.

- She's pretty, isn't she?

- Who?

- Who do you think?

- I guess.

She doesn't seem like Marty's type. Do

you think she seems like Marty's type?

- I don't know.

- Now, you and she would make a cute couple.

Wow, I'd bet you're

just the same age.

They're getting married, Jackie.

She's got a ring.

- Tiffany's?

- I don't know.

I think she has

the sneak for you.

- Stop. I do.

- She's engaged.

So? She only just met you tonight.

Who knows?

These things happen

all the time.

- J-Jackie, I'm not gonna...

- What?

I don't know.

It's okay, Anthony.

I understand.

Understand what?

Just because Marty's attracted

to girls doesn't mean you have to be.

- I'm attracted to girls.

- Really? Are you sure?

- Yes!

- Hmm.

Anthony, look.

Isn't that the prettiest ice cube

you've ever seen?

- It used to be bigger.

- I wonder what happened.

Whatever it was, it happened

just between the kitchen and here.

Look, Marty, your hands are all wet.

Now, there's a clue.

It probably melted on the way.

Oh, my!

Good evening.

- Good evening.

- Is that an evening dress?

- I don't know.

- It certainly looks like an evening dress.

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