The Hungover Games Page #7

very much underage.

DOUG:
Seriously?

Ed, buddy,

there are laws against that.

You cant statutory

rape your soulmate.

Jeepers creepers!

You guys, dont you remember?

Were a brotherhood!

You heard the announcement.

Its every man for himself.

No! I have an idea.

We all need to eat these.

Theyre Midnight Berries.

Its the only way to end this.

That is what got

us into this mess

in the first place.

Yeah,

these berries would kill us.

But the Capitol

wont even let

us swallow them.

Theyd rather

have four winners

than no winner.

So before we even

get these in our mouths

theyll cancel

the whole thing.

You have to trust me.

Absolutely not.

Doubt me all you want,

but dont doubt

my knowledge of

young adult fiction.

Lm in.

What?

Me, too.

Really?

Fine.

Me, too. Lm in.

But only because

I love you guys.

Okay.

On the count of three.

One.

Two.

Three.

What do we do now?

Come on!

Kinda tasty.

(GAGGING)

Zach, you dumb motherf***er!

What the...

Morning.

You guys sleep well?

Yeah.

Pretty well.

Anyone have floss?

I think lve got

Midnight Berry seeds

stuck in my teeth.

Wait, wait.

What time is it?

Lts 10:
00 a.m.

Well never

make the wedding.

Wanna bet?

You guys think

you can take me out

of the straitjacket now?

Guys,

I am just so pumped to be

a real member of this group.

Its so cool

youre gonna let me

have more lines

in the next movie.

Thats right, yeah.

Totally gonna happen.

Yeah, more lines, definitely.

(TYRES SCREECH)

Come with me if

you want to attend

a gay wedding.

Sorry. Getting here

was a real bloodbath.

What the fucksticks, you guys?

Honey,

I am so, so, so sorry.

You had better

have a good

explanation for this.

Trace,

the last three days were,

without a doubt,

the most backwards, f***ed up,

inexplicable experience

of my entire life.

I saw brutal death.

I saw murderous

talking puppets.

I saw gay Thor.

But all I could

think about was you.

Can you forgive me?

Well,

boys will be boys.

So are we gonna

talk about last night?

Okay.

Whatever the hell

we think happened,

it obviously

didnt really happen.

Zach just got in our heads

with that dumb book of his,

so just forget about it

and move on.

Lm over it, too.

Lm onto Fifty Shades now.

This rich guy is erotic.

You know what?

You guys are wrong.

Over the course of

one day, I loved,

I lost, and I almost died,

like, 10 times.

You also ate

a boatload of sh*t.

Thank you for the reminder.

But thankfully,

it wasnt real.

You gotta let it go, man.

You know what?

You can believe what you want,

but I know

my connection with

that girl was real.

Theres a lot of wiener

in this book.

But lm not mad about it.

This probably would make

a really good TV movie.

Get Alyssa Milano.

Oh.

Sorry.

So sorry about that.

Its been a bit of a...

Dont worry about it.

Weddings that way.

(LAUGHS)

Well, it was nice

bumping into you.

Hey, bud.

We gotta go.

I know. Do you...

What are you

stammering about?

MAN:
We are gathered here

today to celebrate the pure

and magical love of

these two deeply,

deeply passionate men.

Guys, thats her.

I swear to God,

shes right there.

Stop, man.

There is no her.

Yeah...

Do I need to set

you up with a shrink?

Lm telling you,

shes...

Dude.

Enough.

Fine.

Letting it go.

Thank you.

MAN:
Some people say

love is nothing

but a battlefield.

Not me.

These days,

people dont view marriage

as something to enjoy.

They view it as

something to survive.

So Doug, Tracey,

with that, I say

may the odds be

ever in your favour.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

This tree has a vagina.

(LAUGHING)

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