The Iceman Cometh Page #6

farmer's small garden.

By God,

there is space to be free,

the air...

(sniffs)

like wine is,

you don't need booze

to be drunk.

I'll make my stake and

get my new

gamblin' house open

before you boys leave.

You gotta come

to the openin'.

Bejees,

Jimmy's started them off

smoking the same hop.

Be God!

This bughouse will drive me

stark, raving loony yet!

What, what'd you say?

Nothing, Harry.

I had a crazy thought

in my head.

Crazy is right,

the old wise guy.

Damned old fool Anarchist.

I-Won't-Worker!

You'll pay up tomorrow,

or I'll,

I'll start

a Harry Hope Revolution!

(chuckles)

I'll tie a dispossess bomb

to your tails

that'll blow you out

in the street!

(chuckles)

I'll, I'll make

your Movement move!

(men laughing)

Sure it's hot,

parching work

sittin' here laughin' at your

jokes so early in the morning...

on an empty stomach.

Who asked you

to laugh anyway?

Bejees, Bessie'd

never forgive me

if she knew I had you

living in her flat,

throwing ashes

and cigar butts

on her carpet.

You know her opinion

of you, Mac.

"That Pat McGloin

is the biggest drunken grafter

that ever disgraced

the police force,"

she used to say.

"If I had my way

"he'd get booted up

in the gutter

of his fat behind."

And sometimes she didn't say

"behind" either.

(laughs)

She didn't mean it.

She was angry at me because

you used to get me drunk.

Hmm.

But Bess,

she had a heart of gold

underneath her sharpness.

She knew I was innocent

of all the charges.

(slamming table with glass)

One moment, please.

Lieutenant McGloin!

Are you aware that

you're under oath?

You know what the penalty

for perjury is?

Come now, lieutenant.

Isn't it a fact

you're guilty as hell?

No, don't say

"How about your old man?"

I'm asking

the questions!

Gentlemen of the Jury!

The court

will now recess

while the D.A. sings out

a little ditty

that he learned at Harvard.

It was composed

in a wanton moment

by the Dean

of the Divinity School

on a moonlight night

in July, 1776,

while sobering up

in a Turkish bath.

"Oh come up,"

She cried

"my sailor lad "

And you and I'll agree

And I'll show you

the prettiest

(slamming table)

Rocky!

Aay!

Yi.

Harry, please, please!

Don't make Rocky

bounce me upstairs,

I'll go crazy alone!

I apologize,

I apologize, Mac.

Don't get sore,

I was only kidding you.

You will let me...

take your case?

Won't you, Mac?

Yeah, sure Willie,

and it'll make

your reputation.

Hey, Mac.

What the hell you thinks

happened to Hickey?

I hope he turns up.

(chuckles)

You remember that gag

he always pulls

about his wife

and the iceman?

(men laughing)

Opening time, boss.

Why don't you go

to bed, Boss?

Hickey'd never turn up

this time of the mornin'.

Someone's comin' now!

Oh, that's only

my two pigs,

it's about time

they showed.

You keep them

dumb broads quiet!

I'm gonna catch

a couple more winks here,

and I don't want no damn fool

laughin' and screechin'.

Hey.

Never thought

I'd see the day

when Harry Hope's

would have tarts living in.

What would Bessie

think, hmm?

But he don't let 'em use

my rooms for business.

Pay their rent, too,

which is more than

I can say for...

Bejees, Mac,

I, I'll bet

Bessie's doin' somersaults

in her grave!

(women giggling)

Hello.

Jees, Pearl.

This place is a morgue

with all these stiffs

on deck.

Hey, you Old Wise Guy,

ain't you died yet?

Not yet, Margie.

But I'm waiting impatiently

for the end.

Yeah.

Hey, who's the new guy?

Friend of yours?

Hey, kid!

You wanna have

a good time, huh?

Hey, hell with him!

You dumb broads!

Cut the loud talk!

Sit down before

I knock you down!

Ohh, you!

What, what, what, what?

(sighs)

Well, how do you

tramps do?

Ah, pretty good,

uh, Pearl?

Sure, we nailed

a couple of all-night guys.

On Sixth Avenue,

b*obs from the sticks.

Stinko,

the both of 'em!

We think

we's in luck you know,

so we steers them

to a real hotel.

We figured they're too stinko

to bother us much

and we could cop

a good night sleep in beds

that ain't got cobble stones

in the mattress like the ones

in this dump.

Yeah,

but we was outta luck.

They didn't bother

us much that way,

but they wouldn't

go to sleep either, see?

Jees, I never heard

such gabby guys!

So... here we are.

Yeah, I see you,

but I don't see

no dough yet.

Right on the job,

ain't he, Margie?

Yeah, our little

business man, that's him.

Come on, dig!

What, you're scared

we're holdin' out on you?

Way he grabs, you'd think

it was him done the work.

Here you are,

grafter!

I hope it chokes you!

Hey, you dumb baby dolls

give me a pain.

What would you do

with money if I wasn't around?

Give it all

to some pimp.

Jees, what's

the difference?

Oh, didn't mean that,

Rocky.

A lot of difference,

get me?

Sure,

don't get sore.

Jees, can't you take

a little kiddin'?

Hey, come on, Rocky!

Pearl was only kiddin'.

We know you don't live off us,

you got a regular job.

That's why we like you,

you're a bartender.

Sure, I'm a bartender,

and I treat you girls

right, don't I?

(together)

Yeah.

Jees, I'm wise

you hold out on me,

but I know it ain't much.

So what the hell,

I let you get away with it.

(both laughing)

Hey, you know ought not

kid him about that stuff.

Serves you right

if he beats you up.

Jees, I'd bet he'd give you an

awful beatin' once he started.

Ginnies got

awful tempers.

Anyways,

we wouldn't keep no pimp

like we were regular old whores.

We ain't that bad.

Oh, no, we're tarts,

but that's all.

Right.

Ahh!

Hey, Rocky.

Cora got back

around 3:
00 o'clock.

She woke up Chuck

and dragged him

outta the hay

to go to for a

chop suey joint.

Imagine him standin'

for that stuff!

I bet they been sittin' around

kiddin' themselves

with that old pipe dream

about gettin' married

and settlin' down

on a farm.

Jees, when Chuck's

on the wagon,

they never

lay off that dope.

Yeah,

of all the pipe dreams

in this dump,

they got the nuttiest.

They been dreamin' it

for years,

every time

Chuck goes on the wagon.

What would gettin'

married get them?

But the farm stuff

is the sappiest part.

When both of 'em have been

dragged up in this ward,

and ain't never been

nearer a farm

than Coney Island.

They'd get D.T.'s

if they ever heard

a cricket chirp.

I heard crickets once,

on my cousin's place

in Jersey,

I couldn't sleep a wink.

Jees, can you picture

a good barkeep like Chuck

diggin' spuds?

And imagine a whore

hustlin' the cows home.

Hey, Rocky,

you oughtn't

to call Cora that.

I mean, she may be

a tart, but...

Oh sure, sure,

that's all I meant, a tart.

Yeah, but he's right about

the damned cows, Margie.

I bet Cora don't know

which end of the cow

has the horns!

I'm goin' to ask her.

Here's your chance.

Hello, bums!

Jees...

the morgue

on a rainy Sunday night.

Hello, Old Wise Guy,

ain't you croaked yet?

Not yet, Cora.

Damned tiring

this waiting for the end.

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