The Iceman Cometh Page #8

they can be happy,

and feel at peace

with themselves,

why the hell

shouldn't they?

Hell, I know that game

from soup to nuts.

I wrote the book.

The only reason

I quit is...

well, I finally had

the guts to face myself

and throw overboard

that damned lying pipe dream

that'd make me miserable,

and do what I had to do

for the happiness

of all concerned.

Then all at once,

I was at peace with myself

and I didn't need

the booze anymore.

Well, what the hell?

Don't let me be

a wet blanket.

Set 'em up again, Rocky.

Here, keep the balls coming

until last kill,

then I'll ask for more.

Jees, a roll that'd choke

a hippopotamus.

Fill up, you guys!

That sounds more

like you, Hickey.

All that water-wagon bull!

Cut the act and have a drink,

for Chrissake.

It's no act, Governor,

but that don't mean

I'm a teetotal grouch

and can't be in the party.

Why else do you think

I'm here except to have a party,

like I've always done, and help

celebrate your birthday tonight?

You've all been

good pals to me,

best friends I've ever had.

And I've been thinking about you

ever since I left the house,

all the time I was

walking over here.

"Walkin'?"

Bejees, you mean

to say you walked?

I sure as hell did.

All the way from the wilds

of darkest Astoria.

I seemed to get here

before I knew it.

And that ought

to encourage you, Governor,

show you a little walk

around the ward

is nothin'

to be so scared about.

It was goin' on 12:00

when I went into the bedroom

to tell Evelyn I was leaving,

six hours, say.

No, less than that,

'cause I'd been standin'

on the street corner

some time before

Chuck and Cora came along,

thinkin' about all of you.

Of course,

I was only kidding Cora

with that stuff

about saving you.

But no,

I wasn't either,

but I didn't mean booze.

I meant save you

from pipe dreams.

Because I know now,

from my experience,

that they're the things

that can really poison

and ruin a guy's life

and keep him

from finding any peace.

If you knew how free

and contented I feel now.

Why, I'm like a new man,

and the cure for them

is so damned simple

once you got the nerve.

Just stop lying to yourself

and kidding yourself

about tomorrows.

Hell, this begins

to sound like a damned sermon

on the way to lead

the good life!

It's in my blood,

I guess.

My old man used

to whale salvation

into my heinie

with a birch rod.

He was a preacher

in the sticks of Indiana,

like I've told you,

got my knack of sales gab

from him, too.

He was the boy that could sell

those Hoosier hayseeds

building lots along

the Golden Street!

Now don't look at me

like that, boys and girls.

I'm not tryin' to sell

you a goldbrick.

Nothin' up my sleeves,

honest.

Let's take an example,

any one of you, eh?

Take you, Governor.

That walk around the ward

you never take.

What about it?

Well, you know

as well as I do, Harry,

everything about it.

Well, Bejees,

I'm going to take it!

Of course you are,

because I'm gonna help you.

I know it's the thing

that you've got to do

before you know

what real peace means.

Same thing with you,

Jimmy.

You're goin' have to try

and get your old job back,

and no tomorrows about it.

Ahh, I...

No, don't tell me,

I know all about tomorrows.

I wrote the book.

I, I don't

understand you, Hickey.

I admit

I've foolishly delayed,

but as it happens,

I'd just

made up my mind

that as soon as I could

get straightened out...

Fine, fine,

that's the spirit,

and I'm gonna help you,

Jimmy.

'Cause you've always been

damned kind to me,

and I wanna prove

how grateful I am to you.

When it's all over,

you don't have to nag

yourself any more.

You'll be grateful

to me, too.

And all the rest of you,

the ladies included,

are in the same boat,

one way or another.

Be God, you've hit the nail

on my head, Hickey.

This dump

is the Palace of Pipe Dreams!

Well, well,

the Old Grandstand

Foolosopher speaks, ah?

And you think you're

the big exception, eh?

Life doesn't mean a damn

to you any more.

You're retired

from the circus,

you're impatiently waiting

for the end

in the good old Long Sleep.

Well, I think a lot of you,

Larry, you old bastard,

and I'll try and make an

honest man out of you, too.

What the devil

are you hintin' at?

Well, you don't

have to ask me, do you,

wise old guy like you?

Just ask yourself,

I'll bet you know.

He's got your number

all right, Larry.

That's the stuff,

Hickey.

He's got no right

to sneak out of everything.

Well, hello!

A stranger in our midst.

I didn't notice you

before, brother.

My name's, uh, Parritt,

I'm an old friend of Larry's.

What are you staring at?

Oh, no offense, brother,

I was just trying to figure.

Haven't we met before...

some place?

No, it's the first time

I've been East.

No, you're right,

I know that's not it.

You see, in my game,

to be a shark at it,

you teach yourself

never to forget

a name or a face.

But still

I know damned well there's...

something that

I recognize about you.

We're members

of the same lodge...

in some way.

What are you

talkin' about?

You're nuts.

Don't kid me, little boy.

I'm a good salesman,

so damned good the firm was glad

to take me back

after every drunk.

And what made me good

was I could size up anyone.

But still, I don't...

Well, never mind.

I can tell you're havin'

trouble with yourself,

and I'll be glad

to do anything I can

to help a friend of Larry's.

Mind your own

business, Hickey.

He's nothing to you,

or to me.

You're keeping us all

in suspense.

Tell us more about

how you're going to save us.

Well, hell,

don't get sore, Larry.

We're old pals,

I've always liked you a lot,

you know that.

Forget it, Hickey.

Fine, fine...

Well,

that's the spirit.

What's the matter,

everybody?

Come on, drink up!

A little action!

Have another...

Hell, this is

a celebration!

Oh, forget it if anything I said

sounded too serious.

You think

I'm talkin' out of turn,

just tell me

to go chase myself.

(yawning)

No, boys and girls,

I'm not trying to put

anything over on you.

It's just

that I know now,

from experience,

what a lying pipe dream

can do to you.

And how damned relieved

and contented with yourself

you'll feel when you're

rid of it.

(yawning)

Oh, my God...

I'm sleepy

all of a sudden.

That long walk

must be gettin' to me.

I better go upstairs.

Hell of a trick

to go dead on you like this.

And no,

boys and girls, I've...

never known

what real peace was until now.

It's a grand feeling.

Like when you're sick and

suffering like hell and then...

doc gives you

a shot in the arm.

The pain goes and...

you drift off.

You let yourself go at last.

You sink down

to the bottom of the sea.

Rest in peace.

(keys clattering)

There's no further

you have to go.

Not one single

hope or dream

left to nag you.

But you'll all know

what I mean.

Excuse me,

I'll just grab 40 winks.

Drink up,

everybody...

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