The Inbetweeners Page #10

and utter Greek twat.

Did you see her?

She was hideous,

she must have been at least 30.

I told you so.

You arsehole, you had to say it,

didn't you?

Even in the f***ing state you're in,

- you couldn't resist.

- Sorry. But at least I'm consistent.

Yes, you are, aren't you?

OK, so I think I'd like

to revise my offer.

How about instead of having sex

with you in a year,

I have sex with you all year?

What?

- It's a one-time offer.

- To confirm,

do you mean like a girlfriend

or like a prostitute?

I was thinking more like a girlfriend.

- Could you write it...

- No! I am not going to write it down.

Look, what I'm trying to say is,

I like you.

Despite myself, I really do like you.

If you like me too, then we're on.

Um... but not till you've

brushed your teeth.

Oh!

- That should do it.

- You know we could do this for ever.

Yeah, I know, yeah.

Oh, God, Carls, I thought I'd lost you.

I thought I'd lost you!

And no matter how many times they hit me

in the balls, I knew I was right.

And I've worked it all out,

it was so simple.

I'll just get a job near your uni

for three years,

four if you do an MA,

and then we can be together for ever.

For ever.

Just like we should be.

Carli...

...what's wrong?

Did you hear what I said?

Something about being hit in the balls?

Well, yeah, but...

mainly about being together for ever.

Sorry, Simon,

could you just kiss me again?

Sorry, Carls, this is wrong.

What?

I've made a bad choice today.

I honestly wish you

all the best with your life,

but right now, I have to leave.

I don't think you'll ever see me again.

But I'll see you at your mum's birthday

in two weeks' time.

Well, yeah, but then after that.

And then your brother's 16th

the following week.

Yeah, it was more

of a metaphorical thing.

- Anyway, I'll see you around, Carls.

- Yes,

- at your mum's.

- Please, can I just...

Thank you.

Below deck, Neil was being as faithful

as ever to his girlfriend...

by aggressively dry-humping Lisa

to within an inch of her life.

Neil...

Neil, stop.

What's up? Is it my zip?

I can undo it, if you want.

No, it's not that.

I just think this is wrong.

I feel bad for your girlfriend.

- No, it's fine, we aren't kissing.

- Yeah, but...

look at what we are doing.

I mean, how do you think you'd feel

if you saw her doing this with a guy?

I wouldn't want to be treated like this.

- I've got ethics.

- Yeah.

Yeah, you're right,

it's just that, um...

...Nicole dumped me

before we got out here

and I didn't want to say anything

to the others cos I was embarrassed.

- Oh, Neil...

- Yeah.

She sent me this text, saying like,

"You dance like a twat, you are dumped".

It broke me up.

So... this is fine and, if you want,

we can even kiss.

Oh, Neil!

Is that true? Really?

Yeah, course.

If you like.

That was just... I mean...

Did it not taste funny?

Cos it looks funny.

All right, mate, who's this, then?

Hi, I'm Jane.

- She's my girlfriend.

- Oh, is she?

F***in' hell, you want to be careful

she doesn't fall overboard

- cos...

- Cos I'll get harpooned?

Cos they might think I'm a new island?

Cos all the water will splash out

onto the land?

I've heard them all, take your pick.

F***in' 'ell, tubs, all right,

it was only a joke.

Anyway, seeing as you're coming

out there like a naughty boy,

how about you do me a favour?

I need a note for the old toot.

We weren't doing drugs, actually.

Christ! For his sake, I hope you were.

There are laws against f***ing cow,

mate, even in Greece.

Now, I'm going to need to take that note

off you. Well, you're a mate.

You don't mind, do you?

Give.

No, no, not at all.

There you are, mate, already rolled.

Cheers. I'll keep this, yeah?

No problemo.

I think the Government's

anti-drugs campaign

would be more successful

if they pointed out

that every now and again,

there's a small chance you might

accidentally snort some poo.

Simon?

- Are you all right?

- Yeah.

Yeah, for the first time in my life,

I think I actually am.

I'm clear, anyway.

How'd it go with Carli?

Long term - good. Short term - horrific.

Have you murdered her?

No, but I am starting to think

that maybe Carli's not all that.

Well, it's taken a while.

- Better late than never.

- I think Lucy might be the one.

Yes, obviously.

Lucy's much nicer

and actually likes you.

But I'm worried I might have been

a bit of a dick to her.

You've been more

than a bit of a dick to her.

You've been a massive dick

to her.

- She still likes you, anyway.

- Good,

that's really good.

Does he always strip when he's happy?

Yeah, normally.

Simon!

You can't go up there, there's a sign.

Oh, sign

Alison, will you text Lucy

and tell her I'm coming to get her?

Course I will.

Brilliant!

All right?

Yeah.

What are you doing up there, then?

I'm going to swim back to shore

and tell Lucy how I feel.

How romantic.

It is, isn't it?

Is it a bit far?

Nah, bollocks. You can see the shore.

I've swum further than that underwater.

Do it! Just swim there

and show her what she means to you

and then kiss her.

On the fanny!

- Jay!

- Sorry, darling.

Right, f*** it, you only live once.

Jump, jump, jump, jump,

jump, jump, jump, jump!

Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump!

Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump,

jump, jump!

I think he might be drowning.

Simon!

Oh, I think I've sh*t myself.

Lucy, it's normally bigger, it was cold.

One of us should probably have

gone to hospital with Simon.

But, to be perfectly honest,

we had more important things to do.

# We like to sleep all day

and party all night

# This is how we like to live our life

# I got a feeling

everything is gonna be all right

# So come on, come on, come on

# We like to sleep all day

and party all night

# This is how we like to live our life

# I got a feeling

everything is going to be all right

# So come on, come on, come on

Let's party tonight

# Intoxication, yeah

# The feel of liberation, yeah

# We goin' like a rebel with a cause

and we breakin' the laws

# And we rock it, rock it, rock it

Whoa-oh

# No hibernation, no

# No, not until the day comes, no

# We gonna paint the town red

till God knows when

# Cos we rock it, whoa-oh

# And we don't got a worry in sight

and until it gets bright outside

# We breakin' all the rules that we know

# We outta control, we rock and we roll

# Ain't nothing gonna ever stop the party

You know we go, we all

# We like to sleep all day

and party all night

# This is how we like to live our life

# I got a feeling

everything is gonna be all right

# So come on, come on, come on

# We like to sleep all day

and party all night

# This is how we like to live our life

# I got a feeling

everything is gonna be all right

# So come on, come on, come on

# We gonna rock until the night is done

# We ain't gonna stop

until we see the sun

# And we don't ever have a problem

No need for solutions

# We starting up a revolution

# We like to sleep all day

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