The Inbetweeners Page #9

- In a few weeks.

Oh, what? Just cos Will's going?

- No. 'Cos I want to.

- Well... what about me?

What?

Well, what am I gonna do?

Um... I don't know.

Look, I thought you knew

I was going to uni.

Yeah, course. No, but...

it's just that I was going to use

my grandad's money

to set us up in business,

selling car stereos

to Premiership footballers.

Neil was going

to work in the depot, but...

me, you and Rio Ferdinand are on sales,

like, having a laugh and that.

Oh, right.

Yeah, I'm going to do sociology.

F***.

I'm sorry I ripped your tickets up now.

Could have had a bit of a send-off.

- What tickets?

- Boat party ones.

I bought them when I was pissed the

other night. I thought I'd surprise you.

- Oh, well.

- You what... You tore them up?!

- Yeah.

- What, after we had the fight?

Yeah, I... I was angry

'cos you had a go, and that.

Yeah, no...

Makes sense.

You two go on,

I'm just going to have

a little recovery snooze.

Come on, mate,

you can have my bed tonight,

this one's a bit bitey.

Did I tell you I touched a boob tonight?

Like... Like a real boob.

A girl's one.

I didn't get to lick it, though.

This has been the best night of my life.

It was the day of the boat party,

and it looked like literally

everyone in Malia had a ticket.

Well, everyone except me and Simon,

whose mood was now bluer than his balls.

If I could, I'd give you my ticket, Si.

You can, just give me your ticket.

Yeah, but I really want to go,

so you see, actually, I can't.

- Take Jay's ticket.

- No, I think he needs it.

What, cos of Jane?

No, in case the captain dies

and they need me to drive the boat.

Eased up on the vomiting,

mainly retching now.

For the record, they don't clean

that toilet floor very often,

lots of pubes on hands, knees...

and my face

when I had a little lie-down.

I cannot believe we've been eating here.

Wow, they look hot!

- Bit young for you, ain't they, Neil?

- Behave.

Lucy. Lucy!

Alison! Aliso...

Oh. I give up.

All right, boys? Who killed Will?

- What's up with Lucy?

- I don't know.

If you ask her rather than

talking about your ex the whole time,

- you might find out.

- Oh, God, really?

Fine.

- You coming to the boat party, then?

- You try and stop me.

We just saw two hot fellas

dressed as firemen getting on board.

Might need a hand with their hoses.

Might have to set fire to my knickers.

- I'll come with you, if you like.

- No, thank you.

Come on, Lisa.

You look as bad on the outside

as I feel on the inside.

Oh, don't worry,

I feel like sh*t on the inside too.

Although...

I don't have a pube on my cheek.

Oh, God.

Anyway, seeing you in such a mess

has at least cheered me up a bit.

Glad to be of service.

You know I have a penis

sunburnt on my back too.

Must be reassuring to know

that however bad life gets,

you're not me.

It is.

Good. That means every time you're down,

you have to come and hang out with me.

Yeah, I think I might.

Starting with today.

I've got Nicos's ticket for the boat

party. Do you fancy joining me?

Um, yes.

More than anything.

Great. On one condition, though.

Anything.

At no point are you allowed

to say, "I told you so".

Ooh, not sure I can guarantee that.

So it's not that I'd rather go

to a party that infinitely heightens

my sense of being out of kilter

with the rest of the world,

it's just that Alison is sort of

the fittest girl I've ever met

- and maybe...

- It's fine, Will, honestly.

Go for it, I'll just find a quiet spot

and hang myself.

Great. Lucy, make sure

he doesn't hang himself.

I'm off. Look at me,

following my cock like a normal person.

Sorry for saying cock.

I didn't realise

I was being such a dick.

You were.

- I'm trying to say sorry.

- Well, say it, then.

Sorry.

For being a dick.

Sorry for being a dick.

And for having too much gel

in your hair.

I don't think I've got that much...

OK, I'm sorry for having

too much gel in my hair.

You should probably get going.

I'm not that bothered.

Really?

Yeah.

If you like, maybe we could hang out,

the two of us.

I quite fancy just staying by the pool.

Yeah, I mean, why spend the day

having unbelievable fun on the party boat

when you could be taking a depressed man

swimming at a family hotel?

I'm serious.

I don't mind.

I might even cheer you up...

if they let you back in.

I honestly don't think

I'll be very good company,

but thanks for the offer.

You go, I'll be all right.

Look...

it's obvious how much

Carli means to you.

She's lucky...

I think.

I'm sure you'll sort it out.

She goes back tomorrow.

I can feel her slipping away.

Simon...

if she really means that much to you,

I want you to take my ticket.

Lucy...

If you really want to go, take it.

If you really want to go.

God, you'd do that for me?

Yeah.

Thanks!

I'll see you later,

enjoy the pool! Will!

Will! I got a ticket, I got a ticket!

Will!

I got a ticket, I got a ticket!

# We are go!

# The time has come to leave this place

# Leave it all behind

# There's so much more here to envision

# Out of your mind... #

The boat party

was Jay's promised land...

sun, sea, booze, and who knows,

maybe even some sex, minge,

fanny and tits... and booze... and sex.

Mental!

- Cheeky shot to get us started?

- You are kidding.

Oh, come on, it's the best cure.

Fair enough, what are we toasting?

To the Pussay!

The Pussay!

Neil?

To being playas!

Playas!

Si?

To me and Carli!

- No, you're all right, mate.

- F*** off.

Fine. Well, I'm going off

to find her, anyway.

- Oh, Si, I forgot something.

- What?

Ah! For f***'s sake.

You know I should probably find Jane,

I promised her a dance.

- What?

- Well, no, just a dance.

And then we can get

some proper fit gash.

But Jane's all right, you know.

She's a laugh.

The fat ones are always jolly.

Neil, what a horrible thing to say.

- Just you and me, then, Will.

- Oh, no.

Oh, God.

What was I thinking, tequila?!

Sh*t, sorry!

Sorry!

Make your bloody mind up, you wally!

Richard! All right, mate?

- All right!

- How's it going?

Yeah, not too bad.

Anyway, the other day, right,

I started crying and couldn't stop,

so yeah, my mum and dad have flown over

to take me home. Pretty cool.

Yeah...

Come and say hello?

All right.

Dad, Mum.

Hiya.

Back off, b*tch!

Not this time.

Jane?

- Jane!

- Oh, hello.

Sure you want to be seen with me?

Yeah, I do. I really do.

Can we have that snog now?

What? Now? Here?

Right in front of everyone?

Um... yeah. Yeah.

Yeah? Well, I'm not that kind of girl.

Oh.

So, I suggest

we find somewhere a little more private.

- I don't mind.

- I told you,

I do. And, to be fair, in private

you might get a blow job out of it.

- Simey!

- Oh, hi!

Carli!

Where have you been?

- I've been looking all over for you.

- I need to tell you something.

Ssh! I know.

Get it all up.

Little easier

on the sunburnt cock, please.

Sorry.

It's fine.

I mean, what a total twat!

Me?!

No, Nicos, the total

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes