The Inbetweeners 2 Page #6

Well, I asked her, so, yes, I have.

God, how has this happened?

Marriage woes, yeah?

Dr Doobs prescribes

a toke of Jesper's finest.

A friend with weed is a friend indeed.

Um... all right, cheers.

- Si.

- What? I'm a f***ing mess.

She's cutting up all my hoodies.

God.

Yes.

Ooh.

F***ing hell, mate,

you are the full package.

You're funny and spiritual.

I can't believe you're single.

It is hard to believe, but I am single.

I never know when you're joking

and when you're not.

But, let me tell you, if you could play

guitar, I would jump you right now.

Actually, I can play guitar.

F*** off!

I've had a lot of time on my own at uni

to practise.

F***ing knockout!

Go on, then, mate. Give us a song.

OK.

Hey, Ben, man, can I have a go, man?

Wow. Erm...

Well, you don't really

have a go with a guitar.

It's... Not in front of

this many people, you know.

I just wanna play a song for

a friend, for... for Katie.

- Sure you've got this?

- Yeah, I think so.

- It's quite a lot of people...

- I can handle it.

- OK, well, just go for it, man.

- I'm trying to.

Just take the guitar.

Remove your hand from the

neck of the guitar, then.

Thank you. Thanks, man.

This is a... slight

change of mood but erm...

Yeah, hope you like it.

The first time

Ever I saw your face

What is he doing?

I thought the sun

It's weird. I don't like it.

Rose in your eyes

And the moon and the stars...

I'm trying to stop watching, but I can't.

Were the gifts you gave

To the dark

And the empty sky

And the first time

Ever I kissed your...

- Woo!

Mouth

I felt your heart

So close to mine

Right, well, I'm going to bed.

Neil, you coming?

No, I might wait a bit.

The first time

Ever I saw

Your face

Your face

Your face

Your face

Your face

Your face.

This is very nice.

Is it a little bit public?

No-one cares.

Ooh. Hello. I sort of care.

Erm, should we be doing this here?

This is what travelling's about.

Now, get in bed.

I'm on the top bunk.

Look, you just lie there and I'll ride you.

What is this?

That's very hard.

Sorry. Let me get that out of the way.

This is someone else's bed.

Let's get on my bunk. It's just up there.

You're so sexy.

Um, Katie, this is great,

but you're very drunk.

Why don't we get a hotel for tomorrow?

My treat.

- Anything. You're gorgeous.

- Ssh.

Nah.

What? You're no fun!

I am. I am fun.

It's just... here?

Come on, let's have fun here.

Yeah, do it like that.

That's nice.

Yeah.

Your friend is asleep on my bed.

Now, this is not what it looks like.

You piece of sh*t!

After I'd explained to everyone

that it was my rape alarm,

and once they'd stopped laughing,

we got some sleep.

The next morning,

Simon was the first person in history

to get the munchies

ten hours after smoking a joint.

- You two not having breakfast?

- No.

I've got irritable bowel syndrome.

Gets worse when I get stressed.

I'm finding travelling stressful.

You should have seen me sweating

in the toilet block.

It's not even runny. It's just like

massive ones firing 'emselves out.

This foreign muck I'm eating don't help.

- You've only eaten McDonald's.

- Yeah, Australian McDonald's.

- Good morning.

- Here he is, the singing sex pest.

Say what you like. The song worked.

- Someone had a good night.

- Yes.

After the unpleasantness with Agnetha

was sorted out.

I think we have to call

last night a success.

A beautiful girl wants to have sex with me.

And there she is.

Yoo-hoo! Katie!

Katie! Katie!

F***ing hell, mate.

There's no need to shout.

Goon hangovers are the worst.

Look, it's all right, mate. I can walk.

God, I was so pissed last night.

You were a little. You passed out.

- I remember, like, an alarm or something?

- Yeah, don't worry about that.

Apart from that I literally cannot

remember a single thing that happened.

It goes straight from sitting

round the fire to puking this morning.

My God. Did we?

Well, sort of.

- We f***ed?

- No.

- Did we kiss?

- Yes.

My God!

That is so funny.

- Isn't that funny?

- A bit.

God, I'm so bad when I'm drunk.

- Bad?

- No, no, not in that way.

Not that you're not, like...

My God, I'm digging myself a hole here.

Change the subject, Katie.

I'm gonna go and get some breakfast and I'll,

er, I'll catch up with you in a bit, OK?

I've got to work out what adventures

people are on today.

Got the money for those

Splash Planet tickets?

Yes, of course. Erm, how

much do we owe you?

400 bucks.

400'? I thought it was $75 a ticket.

It is, but there's this

premium when I get them.

- It's just a thing.

- OK. Cool.

Looks like I'll have to get out

my mum's emergency stash.

All right, kinky.

Ha. No, no, it's not that.

She gave me a bit extra for emergencies

as a precautionary thing.

Well, cheers, mate.

I'll see you at the water park.

- So I've sorted out the...

- Wait. I'm thinking.

Swimming, swimming, swimming,

swimming, swimming

Just stay in your lanes...

To be fair, Splash Planet looked amazing.

And even though Jay insisted that 80%

of the water was made up of vaginal fluid,

we still couldn't wait

to try out the rides,

or, better still, work there.

I'm looking for a job as a dolphin trainer.

Are you a qualified marine biologist?

No, but I'm English.

OK. We don't have any jobs.

But you can swim with them for 75 bucks.

Cool, like work experience?

- No.

- All right, I'm in.

- Did you get the job, then?

- No.

- That's well racist.

- I'm gonna swim with one, though.

And I'm gonna give it the time of its life.

Is it just rne or did it sound like

he's gonna wank off a dolphin?

That is what it sounded like.

We split up and I went to find Katie.

Last night she said I was sexy.

So, today, I just had to seal the deal,

by laughing at anything she said or did.

Got ya.

Yes. Yes, you did. What

a good joke that is.

- Always funny.

- Hi.

Let's get on these rides, then.

It's the best hangover cure ever!

Yes. Erm...

I've heard the water pressure

on some of these slides is quite... high.

Look out. Hypocrite alert.

Ben, you came! Cool. Hi.

Hi. Yeah, I wanted to see

what the tourists saw in the place.

I'm not a tourist, man.

I've got a backpack, for one.

In Bolivia, they say,

"if you put a shell on a donkey,

does that make him a crab?"

- Don't know what that means, Ben.

- You'll find out.

- Right, let's ride some flumes.

- Yes!

Jay and Simon had left

me to, as Jay put it,

"Chase after Katie like a little prick,"

while they, for some unknown reason,

headed to the Lazy River - a child's ride.

- Does Jane work on this ride, then?

- No.

But, as you can see

from this map of the park,

the Lazy River

pretty much covers the whole place.

So, basically, we get on,

drift around till we see her. Simples!

Is that map entirely accurate?

There are pirates and crocodiles

having a sword fight on it.

It's a map, all right? Maps don't lie.

I'm so sorry if the kids are bothering you.

Course not. No, not at all. I love kids.

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