The Incredible Burt Wonderstone Page #3

Would you like to see his latest stunt?

Alright.

"Rapist"

For 12 long days he's held his urine.

No!

Be there for the final hour of Steve Gray's incredible stunt.

"Holding it in"

Is there a fountain over there?

seriously could we turn that off?

Thats not fair.

Live on intense TV.

I'm sure this is normal but my legs are shutting down.

What is going through your mind, right now?

I really have to pee, Richard.

He's made it this far, but will he last?

He should be dead right now he's got more urine than blood.

so join us this Friday at 9/8c live on intense TV.

A magician? You call that a magician? You actually enjoy that?

I don't enjoy any of this sh*t.

Alright, Burt...

This is the brochure for my new signature hotel.

now this hotel is the same as all the other hotels, but

I'm going to be charging 70% more for everything.

You know why I can do that?

Because it's shinier?

Shut up.

Because its new.

and people love new.

And when people love something it becomes valuable.

So new equals value.

Do you understand whai I'm saying?

You've been doing the same sh*t since i hired you.

You even come on stage to that same goddam song

It's called "Abracadabra" and it is considered a modern classic.

It's sh*t.

I agree with him, Burt

there's no reason we couldn't do something big, headline grabbing.

I am not holding my piss!

Steve Gray already did that!

He owns that, he owns it, you need to do something else something fresh.

I suppose I could hold my poop.

I'll have a large meal, I'll eat some yogurt and granola and I'll hold my poop, for 24 hours.

What is wrong with him?

"Will Burt poop?"

"Will it happen?"

"Will he crap his pants?"

I think I've got something.

Now why do you call it the "Hot Box?"

Well the Vegas sun effectively turn the pexy glass box into an oven.

we estimate the interior temperature may hit 200 degrees.

And you and Burt Wonderstone plan to stay in the box an entire week?

That's right,reporter, hello.

Excuse us.

What are you wearing?

My magician's costume because I am a magician.

The whole point of this is to update our act.

You need to go change

No this is Vegas baby. Look at this crowd.

This is what I'm talking about.

This is awesome I wish I could come up there with you.

You don't want to do that son, it will smell like acid.

Ok guys, we're ready for you.

Your gonna wear that?

Yes.

It's velvet fur.

Your gonna die.

That's better.

Ladies and gentlemen we give you Nicole!

Remember all you have to do is nothing.

Alright,

I just realized I wont be having sex for a week.

What are you doing?

Breathing exercises, I've been doing them all week.

Your practicing breathing?

Yes.

OK,

Thats a nice view.

Its a little smaller than I thought it would be.

OK, maybe if you'd have come to even one rehersal...

"maybe if you'd come to one rehersal'

Maybe you need to reherse in a box Anton I don't.

Fine.

Not this guy.

I can't breathe!, I can't breathe!,I can't breathe!

Yes you can, yes you can.

Its so small.

Relaxe its only been 20 minutes.

Don't touch me!

We're just having fun!

Burt! Stop it!

PLease, you have to calm down.

Your gonna break the box.

You dare me to break the box!

Help us!

Help me, help me.

Burt!

Help me, I'm slipping.

This is the best trick ever!

Breathe Burt!

Don't panic!

Shut up!

Lower the crane!

What are you doing!

No, I'm climbing

Wait,not there!

Your killing me!

Pull me up!

No, Burt!

Ouch, my ankles are broken.

Your face got me right in the knee,

I told you this was a bad idea.

This wasn't a bad idea Burt!

It was a good idea,

screwed up like a puppies ass.

Oh, really?

This partnership is over, I quit

What? Just because a couple of broken ankles?

Some of his ribs are also broken.

You are so selfish!

Me!?

I can't beleive I put up with you for so many years!

Know what? I don't need you.

Nobody comes to you anyway.

That's why the call it "The Increcible Burt and Anton"

Not "The Incredible Burt and The Increcible Anton!"

The Incredible applies to both of us!

That is a hateful thing to say!

Whatever!

You're welcome to it!

Good Luck, you incredible a**hole!

Your gonna be alright.

We don't know that yet.

Your the a**hole.

Thats it?

Ladies and gentlemen...

the hockbocks

Uh?

Come on! Jr move your little ass.

Burt, are you here?

Oh hello Nicole, I'm taking a tub.

It's Jay and I'll just wait till your done.

No, no, no, its a bubble bath, you can't see anything.

Come on in.

OK, I just think we need to talk about everything cause I just...

Oh my god!

Burt!

The bubbles have seem to dissipated.

There, thats not better.

Listen I just wanted to talk to you about the show.

The show goes on.

Well, its called "Burt and Anton a magicial friendship"

Yes and?

Anton is gone.

So?

How are we gonna do your show without your partner?

Nicole...

Gee.

Let me explain something to you

I dont need a partner, I never needed a partner certainly not Anton.

He was just a weight around my legs.

What did he ever bring to the equation?

business, ideas, and friendships.

Better off without him.

You really think you can handle it on your own?

Why won't you give it a shot because I can't watch this.

I don't need him, and I don't need you!

Well good because you don't have either of us!

And another thing, why don't you get in the tub?

Oh god!

Ladies and gentlemen I'm Burt Wonderstone.

But of course you already knew that.

Now what you may not know...

Is that i've been magical friends with..

each other since I was young boys.

I've always known that there was something different

about my friendship...

with myself.

Hey remember my games of "Hangman?"

I sure do.

But I played them a little differently then the other kids.

Hold on, hold on

cloak.

That was sh*t, that was sh*t.

I think that went pretty damn well.

It was a train reck!

Thats is it! I'm pulling the plug!

What are you talking about?

You said you were going to do a new show.!

That was the same show just wothout Anton!

You can't be magical friends with yourself!

Fine! Any hotel in Vegas would kill to have

Burt Wonderstone.

Really?

And besides I've put away a ton of money.

You put away almost nothing.

What are all these works? This is gobble-dee-gook,

What about all my investments?

Yes, Ok good, what about them? Here you go.

There's your imported Mexican spring water "Agua de Leche"

That was a very classy product, high in packaging.

Its mexican water Burt.

You were selling the promise of diarrhea for $3 a bottle.

And how bout that millions you put into

that hair brain theme restaurant?

James Cameron's Titanic Cafe was a great idea.

Our only mistakes were...

A - Made the floor too slanty food kept sliding off the plates,

and B - Did not get James Cameron's permission.

Got to get the permission right? We talked about that.

its your lavish lifestyle don't you understand Burt?

You spent $75,000 last month on bed sheets

Are you telling me that I don't have any money?

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