The Incredible Jessica James Page #2

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that you are the best playwright

- in the history of the universe.

- In the history of the universe.

And you turn to me, and...

Hey, Oprah knows my name!

Oprah knows my name.

Oprah knows my name!

- So...

- I like this future.

- It's pretty cool, right?

- Yeah.

Mm.

So, um, Tasha tells me

you're a playwright.

Yeah. I write plays.

That's something that I do.

Have you written anything

I might have seen?

Do you see a lot of plays?

Did you write Hamilton?

Have you seen Hamilton?

- No.

- No.

No, I didn't write Hamilton.

I haven't had a play produced in New York.

Oh.

I have had interest from a small handful

of theater companies, though.

And they want to work with me, so...

I'm just waiting.

Right place, right time,

so I can make my mark.

I don't know anything about theater.

It's pretty much all I care about.

Well, that's great.

That you're committed

to something you love.

Why did you get divorced?

That's a pretty brutal transition.

Don't you think?

No offense, but I don't even know

if I wanna be here right now.

Oh, wow, why would I be offended by that?

I don't know,

Tasha thought this would be good for me.

To help me get over this guy

I thought I was in love with.

But, to be honest, this whole thing

is making me think of him more intensely.

Oh, yeah? How so?

I'm just really reminded

of how much of him you're not.

Cool.

I mean, I get it.

Um...

You are the complete opposite

to my ex-wife.

What is she? Dumb, short, and fugly?

What I meant was...

compared to her, you are much more...

forthright.

Honesty is, like, the only thing

that matters to me.

Oh, yeah. I believe in honesty.

- Really?

- Mm-hm.

So, can we be totally honest

with each other?

Absolutely.

Why are you here?

Well, it's been a little while

since my divorce. Bleh.

And I thought if this went well,

then we could make out later.

You just want to make out?

Why did you say that you think

you were in love with your ex?

I don't know. It's complicated.

We were together for two years,

and then he just sort of gave up on us.

I'm sorry. That must be rough.

Why did you get married?

I think I was in a hurry

to get on with my life.

What went wrong?

I'm still figuring that out.

But I'm pretty sure it was her fault.

You have a great smile.

What's your go-to karaoke song?

I do not care for karaoke.

Really? Boo, dude.

You're booing me when I'm being honest?

You're right. I'm sorry. That was rude.

How do you pay your rent?

I work at a non-profit in Hell's Kitchen.

I teach public school kids how to write

and produce their own plays.

So, how do you pay your rent?

I, uh, I live in deep Bushwick.

Like, deep, deep, deep Bushwick.

What about you?

I invented an app.

Thank you.

Okay, well, thanks. This was interesting.

In, like, an anthropological way.

I'm gonna take that as a compliment.

Oh.

Yeah, I guess you could.

Look, I don't want to disappoint you

or anything, but...

I don't think we should make out.

Don't worry. I gave up on that idea

halfway through the meal.

I enjoyed being honest with you.

- That's the only way to be, so...

- All right.

Well, good night.

Oh, we're hugging. Good night.

- Are you going this way, too?

- Yeah.

That's awkward.

I wouldn't say this is any more

or less awkward

than every other part of the night.

That's funny.

You're funny.

Yeah.

I'm also good at cunnilingus.

Well, that's good to know.

So, which way do you go now?

What?

"You can talk, but no one hears you."

You can see, but can't be seen.

Nothing you do matters to anyone.

- "It feels like you don't exist."

- Wow.

That was amazing.

That was really well put.

Shandra, do you feel like that a lot?

I don't know.

Has anybody in this room

ever felt like that?

Raise your hand if you have.

Girl, you just articulated

a pretty complicated feeling

that everybody in this room can relate to.

How does that make you feel?

Uh...

Hey, everybody, guess what?

- What?

- What?

This is your one and only life.

What do you want to tell people about it?

Damon?

- What the hell are you doing out here?

- I've been thinking, all right?

- Yeah?

- Yeah, I made a lot of mistakes.

Damon.

I should have never let you go.

Damon, this is literally so crazy.

Please come off the ledge.

I can't. I won't go on without you.

You're being so melodramatic right now.

I live on the second floor.

I need to tell you how I feel.

Okay. Fine. How do you feel?

I... I don't know.

You hurt me a lot. You know that, right?

I know. I know, okay? I'm an a**hole.

- You know, I'm just gonna jump right now.

- No, no, no!

Wait, wait, wait!

You smell like Vick's medicated vapor rub.

What?

You smell like Vick's medicated vapor rub.

What do you mean, like, right now, or...

Yeah, like, right now.

Like, usually, always.

It's kind of been your thing

ever since we first met.

Well, why didn't you tell me this before?

I don't know. I guess I didn't

wanna hurt your feelings.

But, you know, here we are.

Well, what else did you want to tell me?

Um...

You're not as funny as you think you are.

Okay, now, you're just... Whoa!

Oh, my God!

- Yeah?

- Hey. Are you busy?

I need to go out.

If you listen close

You might hear the sound

Well, I would never let you down

I thought you were a man of action

- Hey.

- Hey.

I'm getting a lot of inquiries

regarding your status.

Yeah. It's my raw feminine energy.

It really fucks up the room.

Yeah, that's actually

what most of the girls are saying.

Hey, ladies! You're all queens.

Or however you choose to identify.

- Woo-hoo!

- Woo!

Hey, what kind of vibe

are you rocking with these days?

Hm?

I need some recommendations.

You mean, like,

what is the one vibrator I'm using?

- Yeah.

- Do you only have one vibrator?

Do you have more than one vibrator?

Uh, has one man ever fulfilled

all of your needs?

There was one.

- Hm.

- Bullshit aside.

He was pretty dope at sex.

Oh, how did the date go

with the divorced dude?

I spent the night with him.

You ended up spending the night with him?

Yeah, you said he was cool.

Yeah, no, I don't actually know him

that well.

I only did it

because you said you knew him.

No, I just acted in a diversity workshop

at a retreat for his app.

You spent the night with him!

You are so baller!

Well, it wasn't even like that, dude.

There was no P and V penetration.

Oh, well, what did you do?

Everything else?

Oh, my God. Anal?

What? No! Are you crazy? Anal?

Well, do you like him?

I'm not even sure if I like dudes anymore.

Well, let me know if you wanna make out

because I would totally be

into helping you transition.

You know, just to see how it feels.

Appreciate it, but I'm going to stick

with this basic peen for a while.

Mm.

You know, he was very thoughtful

in his role-playing

during our sexual harassment scenarios.

- Really?

- Mm-hm.

What's his app called?

Oh, I don't know.

It's like a Tinder thing

for people that have herpes.

- What?

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