The Incredible Jessica James Page #3

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- Joking.

Everybody scream as loud

as you possibly can.

Oh, my God. That was awful.

Now, you're on a trampoline.

Boing, boing, boing.

Who can backflip? Just kidding.

Don't do that, it's a liability.

Hands up in the sky. High, high, high.

Get on your tippy-toes.

Now, wiggle your fingers

like your tickling a giant.

- Except he's got armpit hair.

- Ew!

Gross. Gross, gross.

Okay, you just dropped your ice cream

and you don't have money to buy a new one.

- Oh, sh*t!

- Kayla.

Valid reaction. Don't say sh*t.

- Oops.

- Your best friend moves to Hawaii.

Send me a postcard.

It's too hot there.

You get stood up at your own wedding.

Woo!

Marriage is an outdated social construct

anyway.

- I don't care. I don't care.

- I don't care.

I don't care. I don't care.

I don't care.

All right, guys, great job today.

Also, don't forget

that I need your permission slips

for our writer's weekend coming up.

And I haven't gotten anything from anybody

except for Shandra.

Seriously, don't forget

to ask your parents.

Or I will do it myself.

I will make it weird.

Kayla? Seriously.

Hey, Ms. James?

Hey.

You okay?

I can't go to the writer's weekend.

What? Why?

Shandra, no, you're the only one

who turned in your permission slip.

I'm sorry.

Is somebody coming to pick you up?

I wanna see... Oh, there it is.

Excuse me. Are you Shandra's mom?

Yeah.

Hey, I'm Jessica James.

I know who you are.

All right, uh, Shandra mentioned

something to me earlier

about her possibly not making

the writer's weekend next month?

- Yeah, that's right.

- She cannot miss that weekend.

Well, unfortunately, she has to.

- Why?

- It's complicated.

It's just that it's a really big deal.

Sarah Jones is gonna be there.

Look, I don't know who Sarah Jones is,

but Shandra can't go.

She's an amazing playwright.

She, like, won a Tony.

Do me a favor, when you get home,

google Sarah Jones TED Talk.

- Okay. Come on.

- Seriously, why can't she make it?

Well, if you must know,

Shandra's dad is taking her

and her brother to Six Flags that weekend.

I'm sorry, Shandra's mom.

That is the stupidest thing

I've ever heard.

It's her dad's weekend.

This is the weekend

where they actually write their plays.

You know how long it took

to reach a custody agreement with my ex?

Two years.

Two years, six lawyers, and $34,000.

We just signed an agreement last week.

He gets that weekend.

Do you mind if I talk to him?

You're kind of an annoying person,

aren't you?

Yes.

Hey, uh, Mr. Phillips.

This is Jessica James

from the Children's Theater Project.

I was just calling because...

Well, because I'm 25

and I haven't been completely broken

by life yet.

But also, I was hoping to try

and convince you

to rethink taking Shandra to Six Flags

during the writer's weekend.

And I know from talking to Mrs. Phillips

that you all have had a really hard time

the last couple of years

and that you just reached

a custody agreement.

I don't want to butt in,

but I just want to say

that I kind of know

what Shandra's going through.

I think it could be

really empowering for her

to sort through all those really confusing

and scary emotions

and turn them into something good.

And, look, I know that a lot of people say

that theater is a dead art form

performed by the rich

for the even richer, and...

I guess I do agree with that

to some extent, but...

I still really believe in it.

I think it has the power

to transform lives.

I mean, it completely transformed mine.

So, Mr. Phillips, can you please, please

let her come to the writer's weekend?

I promise you will not regret it.

- Mr. Phillips?

- Hey. No. Uh, it's Boone.

- Who?

- Yeah. We had dinner.

Remember? We, um, stayed over at my place

and we had dessert?

The divorced guy.

Oh, wow. Sh*t.

Sorry, I forgot that was your name.

No, sure, that's understandable.

Uh, how are you?

It's, um, kind of a weird moment for me.

But... I guess I'm okay.

- What about you?

- Oh, I'm great. Thanks for asking.

Listen, I had a terrific time

the other night.

Oh, my God. Is this a booty call?

No.

No. No.

Do people still say booty call?

This is totally a booty call.

Oh, Boone.

Okay, I guess it's kind of a booty call.

But I did enjoy spending time with you.

Just because you catch

a unicorn in the wild

doesn't mean you get to tap it

whenever you want, buddy.

Are you calling yourself a unicorn?

Maybe.

I didn't realize unicorns

were so arrogant.

All right, look, we can go for a walk.

But only if it's in my neighborhood.

And that's it.

Okay. Cool.

I'll, um, I'll take that.

All right. Well, don't forget.

We're just literally walking...

- Boone, are you okay?

- I'm fine.

- Are you sure?

- Huh?

Did some trash cans fall over on your end?

Is that your end?

- Ew. What?

- Oh, no, I don't know.

Okay, I'll see you soon.

- So this is, uh, this is Bushwick, huh?

- Yeah.

- It's pretty great, right?

- It's delightful.

So, when are they gonna burn it down?

Well, not all of us can afford to live

in neighborhoods

where you got artisanal pickle shops

on every corner.

Every person that I've seen

in this neighborhood, so far,

looks like they work in a pickle shop.

That is true.

So, I think my wife has started seeing...

My ex-wife has started seeing somebody.

Oh, Boone.

Is that what you wanna talk about

right now? Really?

- Come on.

- I'm struggling.

- How'd you find out?

- F***ing Instagram.

- Oh, no.

- Yeah.

How many times a day

do you check her Instagram?

Oh, you know, not that often.

- Yeah, pretty much every waking moment.

- Yeah, me too.

- Do you still talk to him, though?

- No. I don't want to talk to him.

You just prefer to obsess

about what he's doing online?

- Yeah. Yeah, I do.

- Don't think that's very healthy.

Well, that's coming from a guy

who checks his ex-wife's Instagram

like a thousand times a day.

- Oh, true, that.

- Yeah.

Hey, what do you think would happen

if you unfollowed him?

I don't know.

What do you think would happen

if you unfollowed her?

To be honest, I'd be kind of relieved

that I didn't have to look

at so many pictures of food

on my timeline.

Oh, is she one of those ladies

that posts photos of food all day?

It's the worst.

How could you marry somebody like that?

Well, to be fair, she is an award-winning

food photographer.

- Oh, that's kind of cool.

- Yeah.

Hey. I'll do it, if you do it.

- Do what?

- Unfollow my ex.

- Oh, are you serious?

- Yeah.

Yeah, this is really good.

Actually, we should do this.

That's like a really big step, Boone.

No, it's just a couple of little taps.

Then, we can get on with our lives.

- Okay. Fine. F*** it, let's do it.

- You're gonna do it?

- Yeah, I'm gonna do it.

- Sweet.

- Let's do it on three.

- Hold on.

- Okay.

- One, two, three...

Bye-bye.

Okay, how do you feel?

I already hate it.

I want to know what's going on already.

What about you?

Yeah, I've got this belly-full of regret.

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