The Incredible Jessica James Page #5

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Boone?

Who wants to know?

Look, man, I...

I don't want to make this weird

or anything, but, um...

Mandy sent me down here

to see if you want to, like,

come upstairs and talk or something.

What? Why?

We saw you out here

circling around the block, it's...

It's sad, man.

I'm what...

Well, you can tell Mandy

that I happen to be on the phone,

arranging a date with a girl, a woman,

who is a wonderful playwright from Ohio.

I didn't even know

that I was in your neighborhood.

Yeah, no, I'm not gonna tell her

any of that.

Fine. Don't tell her. I don't give a sh*t.

You know, she still has a great deal

of affection for you.

Oh, she does, does she?

She still has a great deal

of affection for me?

Yes.

Did she say that?

Hey, look, I know it's hard, man.

I went through a divorce myself

a couple of years ago.

I didn't... I didn't realize.

I'm sorry. What did you say your name was?

Oh, that's right. I don't give a sh*t.

You all right?

Your sister is so excited you are home.

You don't even know.

It's like all she can talk about.

Yeah.

Well, it's not every day we get a visit

from our big city girl.

Please do not call me "big city girl,"

Kenny.

We missed you at Christmas.

Yeah, I know. I know. I'm sorry.

- I missed you guys, too.

- So...

Tell us everything. How's your writing?

How's Damon?

It's good. Writing's good, Damon's good.

It's all good.

Yeah?

Yup.

Oh, Jess, it's so good to see you.

Now I'm back in a world

That greets me with a smile

And what makes it all worthwhile

Who's here?

- Hi.

- Oh, my God!

You actually came!

Of course, I came.

- Thank you.

- Oh, my goodness.

Wow, this is amazing.

You're making a little human.

Yeah. What are you wearing?

What? This is a jumpsuit.

- You look like an auto mechanic.

- It's cool though, right?

Yeah.

I mean, you're not gonna wear it

to the party?

Nope.

I'm not gonna wear it to the party.

This is just...

This was for the plane.

- Hey, Jess.

- Hey, Duane.

- What's up?

- Not too much.

- What you got there?

- Cupcakes for the party, so...

You look nice.

- Thank you.

- Yup.

- Oh, my big sister's here!

- I know. Yay!

She's here.

- Yup. I'm gonna go change.

- Okay.

Let me get this.

Yeah. Thank you, Kenny.

- You're welcome.

- All right. See you later.

- Do you have heels, babe?

- No.

So, you're leaving next month?

- Yeah.

- Excellent. Wait, Jessica.

Jessica, you remember Mrs. Taggart,

don't you?

- I do. Hi, Mrs. T.

- Hi, Jess.

Well, Carol and her husband

are going to New York next month.

Cool.

But we were hoping

that you could recommend a show

for them to see while they're there.

Yeah, definitely.

What sort of shows are you into?

Um, well, we've heard

that Jersey Boys is good?

Oh, yeah, but that's a musical.

That's not really what I'm into.

What type of thing are you into?

Dialogue driven dramas

that explore the human condition.

Oh.

Uh, is there anything like that

playing next month?

The really great things are sort of few

and far between.

Theater is in a really troubled state

in America right now.

Most things are trash, like,

you'd be surprised at who they allow

to do shows on Broadway.

Or, I heard that Cats just opened

and it's supposed to be good.

Oh, I have heard good things

about that one.

Oh, great, thanks.

Jessica studied theater in college.

Oh, Kimmy, these are adorable. Thank you.

So sweet.

That one's mine.

Uh-huh. From my big sister.

- Aw.

- Hello.

- Mom, can you?

- Yeah.

Thank you.

"The ABC's of Subverting

the Patriarchal Paradigm."

I figure since you're having a girl,

although, boys can benefit

from that as well, right?

Oh, "P is for Peaches."

A singer performance artist,

"who challenges the traditional notions

of gender identity."

I drew those pictures myself.

- Wow. This is amazing, Jess.

- Thank you.

I figure it's never too soon, right?

Never too soon for what?

To start questioning the system.

What system?

The system that we're all prisoner to.

I'm not prisoner to any system.

You just...

pretended to eat poop out

of a diaper, so...

Let's open another present.

- Yes.

- Yes.

Thank you. Who belongs to this, huh?

- Yes.

- I'm really sorry.

I think my whole life,

I've been in love with love.

But I've never really felt love.

Until now, Dustin.

You complete my everything.

I love our love.

I love you.

Madison, I know.

You made me see

that the one could be anyone.

As long as there's love.

And having you by my side

is what completes me.

I can honestly tell you

this has been the best day

of my whole life.

When I look into your eyes,

I can see forever.

And I never want it to end.

Madison, will you marry me?

Yes, Dustin! Oh, my God!

- Is this real?

- It's so real.

Oh, my God.

I love you so much.

This is your idea of fun?

No, this is my nightmare.

I just, for some reason,

I thought you'd be better at it.

I am both flattered and offended.

No, I just...

I can't believe you've never skated.

I've been six feet tall

since I was 12 years old.

Not once have I thought,

"Oh, let me put some wheels on this."

- You're doing great.

- I'm not.

You wanna try without the baby thing?

I don't want to let go of this.

Everybody's kind of sniggering at you.

Nobody's doing that.

Come on, take my hand.

I'm rock solid over here.

You get this. This is no risk.

- Okay, all right. Okay.

- Trust me.

Hm...

- Okay.

- Okay, that's good.

- Nice, doesn't that feel good?

- It's okay, so...

Whoa. All right.

I got you.

You're good.

Oh!

Um...

I also brought a picnic.

Tight.

This is just like what you do

on a first date?

Yeah.

So, tell me about your app.

Oh, God.

Okay, I'll tell you,

but you have to promise not to judge me.

Is it Tinder for people who have herpes?

What? No.

- That's not a terrible idea, by the way.

- Right? They have to, like, date somehow.

No, mine is called "Hi, Mom."

- Have you heard about it?

- No.

Basically, we make it seem

like you're staying in touch

with your parents or whoever,

without you having to stay in touch

with your parents or whoever.

That's insane.

How do you do that?

We study users' text feeds,

and social media.

And we generate

a weekly personalized message

in their own voice

from their own cellphone number.

A typical one would be, "Hi, Mom."

I was just thinking about you.

Thought I'd say hi.

"You're so right.

That cat video was cute and funny."

That's amazing.

You're like a genius or something.

- You don't think it's awful?

- No, I think it's trash.

But it's cool that you do it.

- That's awesome.

- Thanks.

Do you think I could get a hook up

for like my mom and my sister?

- How thoughtful of you.

- Do you know a guy? Yeah.

Yeah, I, sort of, know a guy.

How about you?

Tell me about one of your plays.

Nah, let's just change the subject.

I don't...

I thought theater was all you cared about.

- It is.

- So, what's going on?

Uh...

Do you remember when I mentioned

that there was like

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