The Inspector General Page #2

When I was six I had a....

At seven I developed...

When I was eight I got a....

By the time I was nine....

Doctor, why am I always so tired?

Doctor Cinger said

aaaaaaaaahhhhh.

And gave me the following

perscription.

Zalaminhalticnol, twice a day.

Since that day I haven't been sick

sir. And that medicine did the trick

sir. What was it, don't ask me.

I'll tell you.

Yakov's Golden Elixsir.

Come my friends. Who will be the

first to buy Yakov's Elixsir?

I have 12 pennies. My husband is

sick. Maybe if he had your

medicine, he'd get well.

Go away please. Will you take one here?

Sell it to her. Why, I did very well I

sold three. Ooooohhhh.

Here you go mother. What ever is

wrong with your husband, he is now cured.

All right ladies and gentlemen, here

it is. The most wonderful, the most

miraclous all cure. The Golden Elixsir.

- Mother, I'll give you your pennies,

give me back the medicine. - No!

- The medicine is no good.

- It's for my husband. He needs it, he's sick.

I know and this will fi nish him off.

Take the pennies and buy milk. It

will be better than the medicine.

Do you remember me? I'm the

fellow with all the diseases, but

there is nothing wrong with me.

The medicine is a fake, I'm a fake,

Yakov is a fake.

This is no good. I tell you mother, we are

cheating all the people, don't you see?

We wash windows with it, furniture polish.

All the people. Pardon me. All the

people back there.

Yakov!

Yakov...Yakov!

Georgi... Georgi!

You....

Look Yakov, a fish.

We can have supper now. Put it

near the flame.

- It's mine Yakov.

- It's mine now. Yeah, but I caught it.

I took it.

When you learn a little more about

taking and a little less about giving,

you can come back.

- I'm sorry about that poor old woman.

- Being sentimental is not good.

In this life it's dog eat dog. Bite and

scratch. Grab everything for

yourself and hold on like a leech.

- You can't even pick a pocket.

- Yes I can so do it.

I'm a good thief Yakov. Even better

than you, see?

- That's my watch.

- When did you get it? In the water.

Please Yakov don't send me off. I'll

do anything you want. I'll be hard as nails.

- I'll steal my own mother's teeth.

-I'll believe it when I see it, get out.

Oh all right, I'll go.

- Right after supper.

- You get out of here.

- Why you iliterate numbskull you.

- I'm not iliterate!

You're not huh? Read that.

- Read it?

- Read it!

- Who can read on am empty stomach?

- Read it and I'll give you supper.

It's say ah, ah.

Oh this is very interesting. Your

handwriting shows defi nite

character, it shows...

your generous and wouldn't refuse

a hungry man...

- Read it!

- It says, dear sir.

- It says, "To whom it may concern".

- That's right, I was testing you.

Best personal regards, Napoleon.

Here you are.

- Maybe I can't read or write, but I'm not iliterate.

- You're nothing just a mill stone, get

out of here.

- GET OUT!

-Good-bye Yakov.

To Whom It May Concern. What a

silly way to start a letter.

To Whom It May Concern. What a

silly way to start a letter.

The sailor loves the sea when the

wind blows fair.

The Arab loves the desert and the

sand which is there. The Farmer.

Sandwiches...

- Go get it.

- Oh, just the bottom of the barrel.

What do you want?

I thought you men wouldn't mind

sharing a little of your food with a....

- On your way you tramp. We

hardly got enough for ourselves.

- Go on, get on your way.

- Well you just gave a little piece to the dog.

- The dog does something for his food.

What'd I tell you. Go on. Go away.

- Oh he's moody.

- If I could just have a little piece.

Wait a minute. Otto, come here.

Roll over.

- Can you do that? Could I have a little piece?

- Can you do that?

Roll over? Let's

see you do that.

Hurry up. Lie down, lie down.

Wait a minute. I bet he can run

faster than you can.

No thanks Otto. You won it fair and

square.

A bargain is a bargain.

Any good?

Would you mind if I tasted a few?

I haven't had anything to eat in a

couple of days.

I appreciate this. Thank-you very much.

Don't put that heavy stuff on top of

the crystal. Where's the wagon?

- Now please go back.

- Stop thief! Go get him.

-Stop that thief. Is there somebody

over there that can stop that thief?

- I caught you, you thief!

Who me? You have the wrong

person. The horse followed me, I'm innocent.

Then you'll hang with a clear conscience.

Take him to jail. Take him away.

Hold it, hold it. I'm innocent. Stop!

Ask the horse, I'm innocent.

Gentlemen.

- To business. Gizzy or is it Izzy?

- I'm Izzy uncle.

- You can always tell by the strawberry mark.

- Never mind. The hospital, have

you cleaned it up?

We cleaned up the floor, put sheets

on the bed and got the goats out of surgery.

And I put charts on each of the

patients beds, indicating the nature

of their illness.

Good, at least now they'll know

what they die from. Kovach...

Well, I've patrolled all the roads

leading to and from Brodny.

So unless the Inspector General decides

to disguise himself like a bird and fly

into the city, he'll never get past me.

- Good. And the jail?

- I've had new locks fitted to all the

cells, burned all the rubbish.

- I even have a prisoner.

- Good, who is he?

Oh I don't know , just a tramp.

I apprehended him in the city square.

He was trying to make off with a

horse and wagon, the one we were

loading with silver.

- My silver? My valuables?

- Yes, but I got him before he.....

- Who is he? Where did he come from?

- Oh I don't know he's just......

a common tramp. Dressed in rags.

You idiot! Did you cite him,

question him?

It was so near lunch time and he

was just a common tramp.

The Inspector General? Well that's

ridiculous.

Why not a tramp? In Falsburg he

appeared as a travelling shoe salesman.

In Clamatti he was disguised as a

peddler. And here, why not a tramp?

My horse and wagon. The wagon I

loaded with valuables to ship out of town.

Of course, the evidence he needed.

Now he knows.

-I would like to take this opportunity

to tender my resignation.

- To the jail.

Who's there?

- Want some water? Water?

- I want some food.

- I'm sorry. The prisoners are fed

promptly at 3 o'clock.

- I guess I can hold out til then.

- Wednesday and Saturday.

- But today is Thursday.

- What is time?

- Look I haven't eaten in two days.

What kind of jail is this where they

won't even give a man a crust of

bread. All I want is a little piece of food there.

This is a nice jail. Really it is.

We've had some nice hangings here.

- What's nice about the hanging?

- Oh, you should see the ceremony.

- And the last meal.

- The last meal?

- Can you order anything you like?

- Anything! The town of Brodny

may have its faults, but they certainly

do it right when they hang a man.

The Mayor and all the commissionaires

come dressed in their finest clothes.

And the town band assemblies at

the door of the jail.

Such beautiful music. And they

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