The Inspector General Page #3

play the prisoner right up to the gallows.

- I'll never forget one hanging we

had a few years ago. - What's that?

- What's what?

- What's that music?

-What were you arrested for?

- Nothing, I'm innocent.

It the commissionaires and

everybody and they brought the band.

Who are they going to hang?

- There's only one prisoner here.

- Well, if he doesn't fi nish his last meal...

HELP! HELP! HELP!

You let me out of the jail, you hear,

or I'll go right to the Emporer.

Help! What a fine crooked village this

much be. The thieves you must have here.

Let me out! Help! Help!

- A common tramp eh?

- Why was I put in this jail? Help!

- Open the gate.

- No trial, no justice.

I will report this to the Emporer.

This is a crooked village, this is.

Don't any of you come near me. If

any of you come near me. I

demand to be released.

If you have been put to any

inconvience, I assure you that my

colleagues and myself are deeply destressed.

This is just a small community. Not

rich or powerful.

Be it citizens or travellers, be they

humbled or clothed to the highest

degree of nobility....

be they vagrants or inspector

generals appointed by the Emporer...

in our village they find courtsey, honor and

strict adherence to the principals of justice.

Command us you Excellency and

we will obey.

Believe me your Highness,

I nderstand and value your desire to

remain incognito.

Permit me to compliment you on

your amazing disguise. It's most convincing.

In a corrupt city, with dishonest officials,

such a strategy would be most effective.

But here in our fair village of

Brodny, we beg you to accept our hospitalilty.

Why don't we discuss the entire

situation at dinner.

Go to my house and tell my wife we

have an honored guest. To her to

make a feast, a banquet.

Your Excellency, how can we talk in

these sordid sourroundings? At my

home, dinner will be just about ready.

A roast, a turkey, several kinds of

game, a rack of lamb and a

magnificent pot-roast.

You will probably want a change of

clothes. Quick, some suitable

clothing for His Excellency.

- Where will I get the clothing?

- Your uniform, take it off. Now?

Your Excellency. Our chief of police

regrets his mistake.

He will be delighted for you to wear

his uniform until your luggage arrives.

-He's tall, I know he is. Is he going

to stay long? - I hope not.

- What's taking you so long, hurry.

- But I can't get it, it's too tight.

I wonder if the Inspector General will think

it's too tight? Tell me did you notice the

color of his eyes? Are they blue?

What are you staring at stupid?

Get busy and set the table.

And you two. When you serve, see

that your hands are clean. You

Bela, you remove the dishes when I ring.

Lateues, you bring on the fresh

course and move quickly and see

that you don't spill anything on our guests.

- Did you hear me?

- What did I say? I take a bowl of fruits.

- When?

- When you ring the bell.

Lisa you serve the wine and do

anything else to make yourself

useful. Come Burbus.

Put on a clean apron. Did he say

anything about Paris? Budapest? Vienna?

That dress was too tight. So tight, it

made her eyes pop out.

This is my humble home, Your

Excellency. It isn't large, I've only a

small pittance of a salary.

Maria, my jewel. Maria.

You're Excellency, this is my wife, Maria.

His Excellency, The Inspector General.

- Oh Your Excellency, this is such a pleasure.

- Let me take you hat and sword.

Your Excellency, this is my wife Catherine.

Laslo...

We must get rid of him. I'll give him

plenty of brandy, anything to stop

the inspection. You get the glasses.

A toast Your Excellency. Something

to prepare the pallate.

- I'll see about the dinner.

- Dinner?

Your Excellency, this way.

A toast to His Excellency. Love live

His Excellency.

Laslo, get the wine, the brandy, quickly.

Quickly. More brandy Bela.

Now Your Excellency, how

charming it is.... May I present

Mrs. Burbus Your Excellency.

She's the wife of our tax collector

and chemist.

Here we are. Your Excellency, a

little more wine. And a toast to His

Majesty, The Emporer.

Long live The Emporer.

This is Izzy and his twin brother

Gizzy. They're in charge of our

postal department.

- The Inspector General Izzy.

- I'm not Izzy, he is.

- It's very easy to tell by the strawberry mark.

- No, no, no, some other time. One

more aperitif just before dinner.

- Dinner is served.

-One last drink Your Excellency.

Here's to the righteous.

Here's to the evil-doer.

I suppose after Paris and Budapest,

your returning here must be very

distasteful?

What do you think of Switzerland? I

have relatives there. The

Berghoffs. Did you ever run across them?

Your uniform is just beautiful One

husband has one just like it.

I hope you're not disappointed in

the simple fair we serve here.

Ladies and gentlemen! I would like

to propose a toast.

To the fairest city in all the land. To

the home of courage, integrity and honesty.

To Brodny.

Even if I'd had time to prepare the

proper kind of dinner, I don't suppose....

Your Excellency would have found it

comparable to the table they set at

The Emporer's Palace.

I do wish my husband had given me

a little more time.

Maria! His Excellency's glass is empty.

Lisa more wine. Quickly, quickly.

After you've eaten, perhaps you'll

tell me about your life in Vienna?

- I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to.

- That's all right, it was just an accident.

Why you clumsy druge.

Oh it was nothing, just merely an

accident. I always spill wine all

over my suit.

She didn't mean it. It was just an

accident. Water is very good for wool.

Just that she didn't mean it, it was

just an accident.

She really didn't....

Latus, bring on the meat course.

Bela the meat courses.

- Bring on the meat courses, quickly.

- Pardon me.

Is it true about the women in Paris?

- Is there something wrong Your Excellency?

- Oh try this. I always carry it with

me, it'll cure anything.

Good-morning Your Excellency.

I thought you would like a glass of

milk before breakfast.

- How did I get here?

- We carried you up after dinner,

Your Excellency.

We undressed you and you were in

a very playful mood, Your Excellency.

-What a naughty Inspector General.

- What!?

Maria. All right, all right. Good-

morning Your Excellency.

- May I express the hope that you

spent a comfortable night.

- What time is it?

It's just past nine. But you've ample

time for a substantial breakfast,

Our program is 11 a.m., reception at

the Town Hall, and an inspection of

the Guard of Honor and a town concert.

At 11:
30 a parade to the jail and 12:

15 a public hanging.

- Hanging?

- Followed by lunch.

- This hanging? It isn't anyone I

know, is it?

- It's just some rascle the police arrested.

- He was impersonating a police office.

- Impersonating?

- He made off with a sack of apples

from the local fruit merchant.

- Hanging is much too good for him.

I realize that His Excellency wants

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