The Interestings Page #3

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is guilty of harboring a fugitive.

Detective, if we knew where my son was,

we would insist he turn himself in.

Good. 'Cause it doesn't

get any better for him.

Fugitive warrants don't expire ever.

Until he comes back to stand trial,

he will be considered a wanted criminal.

Listen, did it ever occur to

you that we are missing our son?

We've lost our son. We

don't know if he's alive.

- [stammering]

- Please

try to find a little compassion.

I'm sorry, Mr. Wolf. I can

see you're a close family,

which is probably why I think

you will hear from Goodman soon,

if you haven't already.

But just bear in mind that when you do,

you are legally required to contact us.

And if you don't, you will go to jail.

[door closes]

God, they're like the Gestapo.

Instead of barging into your

home and intimidating you,

they should be out there

trying to find Goodman.

We can handle this, Jules. Thanks.

No, we can't.

- Ash.

- I can't.

You have Mom to talk

to, but who do I have?

- This is a family matter.

- Jules is family. We can trust her.

Ash, please.

We've been in touch with Goodman

and we know where he is.

Jesus Christ, Ash! I hope your happy!

'Cause now our lives are in

the hands of a 16-year-old!

No, I'll be careful,

Mr. Wolf, I promise.

You didn't tell Ethan?

No, I couldn't. I mean,

you know how he is.

He'd probably think he had

to report it or something.

No, you're the only one.

And nothing leaves this room

until we can prove Goodman's innocence.

- So what do you think?

- It's fantastic.

- Not too much?

- I'd hire you.

Or at least sleep with you.

You don't think I'm too overdressed?

Maybe I should just wear jeans.

No!

I think you look really

nice, very professional.

I got a good feeling about

this, Jules. I really do.

Me, too. You're gonna be great.

Too many things about it

are just so right, you know?

- I do.

- The clinic's on the west side.

I'm great with sonographic scanners.

And the fact that they're

looking for someone

who's had experience with obstetric

and gynecologic ultrasounds.

They would be lucky to

have you, Dennis, really.

- Nothing to be nervous about.

- I'm not.

Good, 'cause you shouldn't be.

Keep breathing and be yourself.

You look great, Den.

You really do.

I'm gonna nail this f***er.

- You said the "F" word.

- All right.

Don't have to be a wisenheimer.

Go give your daddy a kiss.

Wish him good luck.

[growls]

[laughing]

Baby, we can do it

Take the time, do it right

We can do it, baby

Do it tonight

Baby, we can do it

Take the time, do it right

We can do it, baby

Do it tonight

[panting, moaning]

Is it me, or is sex, like,

so much better than

when we were in college?

I'm not sure. Maybe

we should try it again

and confirm your hypothesis.

- [both laughing]

- No!

No, you're amazing. You

have some serious skills.

But there are other factors

to consider, you know?

Okay, like what?

Well, look at us.

- I'm looking.

- [both chuckle]

I mean, our bodies, they

may not be perfect, perfect,

but they're probably more

perfect than they'll ever be

for the rest of our lives, you know?

Okay. That's really depressing, Jules.

Yeah, but it's true, right?

And we're not all insecure

and fumbling around,

like when we were in college, you know?

Well, you know, I've been

practicing a lot since graduation,

Of course, most of it's been by myself.

[both laugh]

But you know what they

say about practice.

I can't. I have to go.

I'm gonna be late for work again.

So when am I gonna see you again?

Um, I don't know.

I have to figure out

what my work schedule is

and prepare this thing for acting class.

I bet you're a great actress.

I really admire you, Jules, you know?

Going after your dream,

working your butt off.

Well, you're doing

the same thing, right?

I mean, you're not gonna be a lab tech

for the rest of your life, right?

I don't know. The work's pretty cool,

and the hours are great, you know?

I get to spend time with my friends

and play ball with some

of the guys from work.

I think I actually really lucked out.

I think that's great

that you're so content.

I mean, if a lab tech

is what you wanna be...

Is not what I wanna be,

it's just what I'm doing.

For now. It's my job.

Maybe one day I'll

wanna do something else,

but for the moment, it really

makes me happy, you know?

- We can't all be Hackneys.

- Who?

That guy who's exhibit we went to

who paints all those swimming pools.

- Hockney. David Hockney.

- Right. We can't all be Hockneys.

Or Jacobsons. Some of

us have other gifts.

- Stop it.

- It's your fault.

You and your perfect body.

Hey, come by the park tomorrow.

We got a game in the late afternoon.

I don't know. I'll try.

Well, we will be thinking of you.

So when are we going to meet him?

What's wrong with him? Is he married?

- No.

- Is he deformed?

- [chuckle]

- Ethan.

He's Republican.

- Mm-hmm.

- Jesus.

He's a... a f*** buddy. Okay?

I'm sorry to be so crude,

but that's all he is.

Nobody cares, Jules.

It's just you've been seeing him

for, like, three months,

which surpasses the official

f*** buddy time limit.

What are you talking about?

It's impossible to allow someone

access to your vagina for

three consecutive months

and not develop some feelings for them.

Okay, no more Dr. Ruth for you.

Look, he's a very nice guy,

but we have zero in common.

And he's a lab technician, okay?

He's the guy who squirts

jelly on your belly

and takes X-rays.

He's not exactly Proust,

if you know what I mean.

- I've never read Proust.

- Me, either.

Okay, neither have I,

but the point is we could.

So he's blind?

- Don't be ridiculous.

- Ethan.

He's part of your life,

Jules, for however long.

Since when do we keep

secrets from each other?

Bring him to dinner next week

when we celebrate

Ethan's first paycheck.

Yeah, I've never met

a bona fide f*** buddy before, so...

Look, I know I sound

like a big fat snob,

but I just think I can do better, okay?

I mean, I want to be with somebody

who wants to do something

important with his life, right?

I'm playing a mermaid for one week

outside the New York Aquarium.

You are being paid to act.

And you just got a job on

a network television show.

It's an animated piece of

sh*t, Jules. Have you seen it?

The point is you're going somewhere,

and so am I.

Not getting there as

fast as you two, clearly,

but I'm aspiring,

and frankly, I don't want to

be with somebody who isn't.

I mean, we're artists, right?

Man:
What about your tits?

Your nipples.

Uh...

you do know where your

nipples are, don't you?

Do not look at Miss Wolf.

She can't help you.

You're the one in the shower.

Now take the soap

and wash your a**hole.

Your p*ssy.

Oh, excuse me. Your vagina.

[sigh]

You know, I hope

that you really do

wash your private parts

on occasion.

[laughter]

You think that's funny?

Do you?

I don't. I think it's sad.

You want to be actors?

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