The Interview Page #6

- Oh, it's cold!

- Just let everything go loose.

- I don't like it!

- The tip is....

t's the worst part.

Trust me on this.

nhale as you do ft.

- The tip of the package is secure.

- Comm One, that thing is in his butt!

You are almost in the end zone,

Aardvark. Just take it home.

The package is secure.

You are a hero.

You are a goddamn hero.

All right, they're coming in.

I gotta go. Over and out.

Oh, sh*t. Hi!

Hi, don't shoot me! Oh, God!

Stop it! Don't hurt me, please!

See? There's nothing in here!

What?

Oh, God. No!

Come on! What the f***?!

Vvnyv! wnyu you do mam

Why'd you do that'?!

Ls this what you want?!

There! You like it?!

You like it?!

t's all yours, f***ers!

Stay in the room, American.

Hey.

- Did they look in your butt?

- No, they didn't look!

- it's still in there?

- Yes!

- Must be deep

- It is.

- Get it out! I'm here to help.

- I'm gonna f***ing get it out

Hey, how'd it go?

- One ricin strip with your name on it.

- Got it.

- All right. See? Not so bad.

- Yeah, not so bad.

- What?

- Yeah.

- That?

- This.

- In your bu-?

- A**hole.

- No!

- Yes!

- l was picturing like this big.

- That I could live with.

Soon as you get home,

see a proctologist.

- I'm afraid to look.

- You got f***ed by RoboCop, dude.

Who is it?

It is Kim Jong-un.

What?

Kim Jong what?

I am the Supreme Leader of North Korea.

- What? What the f***?

- it's him.

t's him. What is he doing here?

What the f***?

Hide it. Put it back up.

No! I'm not putting it back up.

I'll hide it in my room. Go say hi.

- What do I do? Put it on right now?

- No, then he'll die when we're still here.

- Just put it in your pocket.

- Okay, fine.

- Come with me.

- No, I gotta hide this.

- Aaron. Just come with me.

- No. No.

Aaron. Aaron.

Hi.

Good morning, Dave.

Good morning. Hi.

Dave Skylark.

t's crazy.

- Oh, I have a gift for you. Yeah

- Oh, really?

This.

- Oh, this is me.

- it's you.

Oh, that's great.

I always wanted one of these.

A bust.

Dave Skylark.

- Hey! Thank you.

- You like that?

So you really like the show?

I might not show it,

but I'm freaking out

You're like a superfan

- I really am

- Yeah!

That's so cool.

Don't say something stupid, Kim.

Okay, so I thought

you might enjoy breakfast...

...and a tour of my home.

I'd absolutely love to.

You know, I have to admit

before I came here...

...I thought this place

was gonna be a dumpt

Of course. For decades

you've heard the false rumors:

"North Korea is a failed state.

We can't feed our people."

it's all propaganda

I see. Well, yeah, I mean....

I did see a fat kid

and a really nice-looking grocery store.

Oh, we have beautiful grocery stores

here in North Korea.

One of my favorite things to do

is just strolling up and down the aisles...

...to see the beautiful fruits

of my country's land.

I can believe that. It looks like you hit

the grocery store pretty often.

Screw you, Dave.

- Hey, you want to see something cool?

- Yeah.

Holy f***-a-moley!

Is that real?

It was a gift to my grandfather

from Stalin.

In my country,

it's pronounced "Stallone."

You're so funny, Dave

Right. Well, can we look inside?

F***, yeah, we can. Come on.

This is so cool!

- A tank!

- Yeah, a tank.

Is it still live?

I don't know. Maybe we should find out.

- Look. You have a sound system in here?

- Oh, no, no, no. Don't touch.

Katy Perry?

My wife must have put that in there.

- I've never heard this before in my life.

- I love Katy Perry!

Baby, yon/'re a firework

Come on, show them what you're worth

I love- I listen to this all the time.

- Really?

- I love her!

You know why I really like her?

She has such a strong message...

...for young women and girls

across the planet.

t's so empowering.

Yeah.

You know, Dave,

sometimes I feel like a plastic bag.

Drifting through the wind?

Wanting to start again.

As you shoot across

The sky-sky-sky

- Good times. Yeah.

- Yeah.

Dave, do you think that margaritas

are gay because they are so sweet?

Did someone tell you

that margaritas are gay?

No, it's just a question I have.

If liking Katy Perry

and drinking margaritas is gay...

...then who wants to be straight?

- Not me.

- Boring!

Margaritas are great.

And whoever planted

that in your head is crazy.

Let me ask you something

Does this thing still run?

Oh, man, this is great!

Can we fire the gun?

Think I'd tease you

and not take you all the way?

- Really?!

- Close that sh*t.

- Closing the hatch!

- Okay.

Boom, boom, boom!

Oh, sh*t!

F*** you, tree!

The control room will be fully staffed

to insure an uninterrupted transmission.

All right.

This is the kill switch.

During the interview,

if any parameters are violated...

...I will use it and cut the signal.

- We're gonna stick with the program.

- I will be in charge of this transmission.

Dave and the show itself

are dependent on me...

...when it comes to how

we shoot the show.

I know. I've watched every episode

in preparation.

I particularly enjoyed

the Miley Cyrus camel toe episode.

The camel toe episode.

That was good.

I've never heard this expression before.

But after seeing it, it is a perfect

representation of her vagina.

It is. It looked exactly like that. Yeah.

- it's very deep.

- Very deep.

Quite a moose knuckle.

You Americans are so creative

with your sexual innuendos.

- We do it very well.

- Many animal references.

Oh, yes, tons.

Please, take this printed copy

of the questions.

t's crucial Dave review them.

Officers Koh and Yu will now take you

to your room for lunch.

Come, American.

Time to get even fatter.

Great. Thanks, guys.

Making you my little Korean b*tch!

What are you gonna do,

drop nukes on L.A.?

- Nuke your mama!

- I bet they can't even make it to Australia!

Face!

Man...

...this is so nice.

Let me ask you something.

Don't take this the wrong way.

You can ask me anything, Dave.

Do you pee and poo?

You've heard the stories, huh?

- Yes, I pee and poo.

- So you have a butthole?

I've got a butthole,

and it's working overtime.

You are awesome

You know, this is so weird.

You are, like, the coolest guy.

But a lot of people say...

...that you're batshit crazy.

They're not wrong.

I'm 31 years old.

The fact that I am running a country

is bafshif crazy.

What am I to do

when 24 million people...

...look to me as their leader,

their god?

What am I to do when my father's

dying wish was for me to carry his torch?

Know what my father said to me

on his deathbed?

What did he say, Dave?

"I'm disappointed because you haven't

done enough with your life."

That is f***ed up.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Jordan!

They call me incompetent.

That's what they said about me

when I scored this interview!

- No way!

- They said, "Dave Skylark is stupid...

...and incompetent."

You're handsome, competent, suave.

How dare they?

I pretend like their insults don't get to me.

But they do.

You know what's more destructive

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