The Interview Page #7

than a nuclear bomb?

Words.

And the people are jealous of men

like you and me.

t's as though they despise us

because they are not us.

Hate us because they ain't us.

Exactly. They hate us

because they ain't us.

- That's a great saying, okay?

- Hate us because they ain't us!

They hate us because they ain't us!

Kim! You got a break!

Alley-oop!

That's all right. That's all right.

Oh, my ankles.

- Okay.

- Hey, Kim.

Let me ask you something

Was your father the one

who said that margaritas are gay?

He said that my brothers and I

were all too feminine.

That our luxurious lifestyles

turned us into homosexuals.

I don't have to worry about that anymore.

Because guess what I get tons of?

- P*ssy.

- Oh, my God.

Hey.

Dude, you just spent the f***ing day

with Kim Jong-un. What happened?

It was amazing.

- It was amazing?

- Yeah.

It was one of the best days of my life.

- What?

- We smoked joints...

...played basketball...

...f***ed chicks.

We had the best margaritas.

Did you say you f***ed chicks?

Oh, my God. Kim Jong is an animal!

You know you have to kill

this guy tomorrow.

I've been thinking a little bit

about the mission.

Okay.

America, you know...

...always putting its nose in things

and screwing them up.

The truth is, Kim is a master

at manipulating the media.

- Yeah?

- You're the media.

You get what's happening here?

Maybe the media's manipulating you.

What the f*** does that even mean?

I'm the only one

who's spent real time with him.

Spent face-to-face time! Dick-to-dick!

It's just, man, I can sympathize with

people that get dumped on by the media.

- And it sucks.

- You know what else f***ing sucks?

Concentration camps, famine,

tiring squads-

- I didn't see any here. Have you?

N0

Your attendance is required in

the banquet room of the Eternal Leader.

- Hey, how you doing?

- Yeah, seriously. You look fantastic.

Your obsession with my well-being is

only making me more suspicious of you.

Don't be suspicious.

- I want to know what your routine is.

- Do you take vitamins?

- You're doing something right.

- You look good.

Do not ask us any more question.

Meet us in the banquet hall.

You see how big their guitars are

compared to their bodies?

I think it's funny.

That is funny.

Oh, no.

t's happening.

Dave.

Dave.

No.

- Wait, what?

- Look at the fu-

They're good.

Oh, sh*t. Oh, sh*t. Oh, sh*t.

Oh, my God.

- What do we do?

- He's gonna poo.

Oh, no.

Oh, sh*t. Oh, no. Oh, no.

t's happening.

So gross

Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, no! Oh, no!

Oh, my God!

- it's okay, man.

- No.

Come on, man.

We just killed two innocent men.

Look, first of all, it's not your fault

that those men died.

Second, they had to go.

They knew we were up to something.

- I'm out.

- What? You cannot pull out of this.

- I'm pulling out.

- You're way too deep.

- I'm pulling out.

- No. You are leaving it in.

- I've been pulling out for years.

- You are not pulling out of this mission

That's the only reason we're here.

We are doing this!

Kim is not evil. He was just born

into a hard situation.

You are f***ing stupid,

and you are f***ing ignorant.

- Who you calling ign'ant?

- You, motherf***er.

You're f***ing arrogant!

Everything he's shown you is fake.

He's shown you what you wanna see.

He's fooled you, you f***ing idiot!

God, look how ready you are

to betray me.

This whole time, I thought

you were Samwise to my Frodo.

But you're just Boromir.

I don't know who that is.

That's such a Boromir thing to say!

This is f***ing done.

You are f***ing done after this.

Once you kill this motherf***er,

this sh*t's over.

- You are going to kill him!

- You've turned me into a gun.

And you're pointing me

at the one guy who gets me.

Well, you know what, cowboy?

- A gun can't Ere without no bullets.

- What the f*** are you doing?

- No, no, no!

- Yes, yes, yes!

Realize what you just did?

- I just saved a life, you murderer.

- You piece of-

Mr. Skylark.

The Supreme Leader requests

your presence in Pyongyang for dinner.

He will be at your door in 30 minutes.

Hey, Dave. Thank you for being with me

in my time of sorrow.

That was super gross and f***ed up.

Hi.

Mr. Supreme Leader.

I'm Aaron.

- Aaron?

- Hello.

We never got a chance

to formally meet, Mr. Great Leader.

I just wanted to shake your hand.

Well, any friend of Dave

is a friend of mine.

No! Don't shake that hand.

- Why not?

- Yeah, why not?!

- Because Aaron's a Jew.

- Oh, gross.

- Let's go, Supreme Leader.

- Okay. It was nice meeting you

Don't you know Jews are bad luck?

- F*** you.

- Friends don't kill friends' friends.

Okay. Okay.

Oh, f***.

We need to review some new data...

...the Leader wants included

in the interview.

- Now's not really the best time.

- It will only take a moment.

Yeah, okay.

- Great.

- Thank you.

Would you like to share a drink?

Raise your glasses. Koh and Yu!

Koh and Yu possessed

the finest trait men can have:

Loyalty.

I know how you feel.

My dog Digby died when I was a kid,

and I'm still f***ed up about it.

Loyalty is what made my father

and grandfather so successful.

That's right. Hey, listen up. You.

Without loyalty...

...a country is a lawless jungle.

Welcome to the jungle, baby.

Welcome to the jungle.

On your...knees'

How else can I prevail...

...against so many enemies?

Defectors

South Korean capitalists.

The people in this room."

...who don't think

I can fill my father's shoes!

These bastards deserve no humanity!

To those who seek to undermine me,

at home and abroad...

...I cannot respond with anything less...

...than the totality of my strength!

If a billion people across the earth

and in my own country...

...must be burned to prove it...

...then my worthiness as a Kim...

...will be demonstrated!

Hey, Kim, I gotta go outside.

Is that okay?

I'm just feeling....

Too much...

...soju, whatever.

Okay.

I'll be back.

So how'd you wind up

as one of the heads...

...of a dictatorship?

One day, officials came to my classroom

in search of a young woman...

...to serve on

the Kim family personal staff.

They selected me

Over the years...

...I grew close with Kim Jong-un.

When he rose to power,

he took me with him.

And here I am.

Kind of have a guy like that

in my life too.

You've been with Dave a long time.

He's a hard guy to leave.

You like the money

and can't say no to Dave.

No.

Yes! I know you.

You're f***ing awesome.

- No, I don't understand you.

- You know, it's a little bit weird.

Do you have a boyfriend?

Is that too forward of me to ask?

What are you looking at?

I should leave.

Why?

I'm concerned my feelings

of attraction for you...

...will cause me to make mistakes.

Your feelings of attraction for me?

F*** this!

Ever since I saw you,

this is all I've been thinking about.

Me too!

Fake.

Fake carrots.

Fake fruit!

Fake!

Fake!

Fake grapefruits!

Fake!

Liar!

You liar!

Why aren't I naked yet?

Yeah!

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