The Jane Austen Book Club Page #7

- You read The Mysteries of Udolpho?

- Food!

- Hey, Grigg, that color almost works.

- When did you...

- He read The Mysteries of Udolpho.

- Wow.

Wait, that book they were reading

in the book? That's a real book?

Yeah, with the black veils

and Laurentina's skeleton.

- Didn't you think that sounded great?

- Yeah, it sounded awesome.

Dean, I'm so sorry.

Prudie must be devastated.

Prudie said to ask you.

She's supposed to talk or something,

about some book?

Persuasion.

We don't know how long we're gonna be

down in San Diego, so...

She may have to cancel.

Tell her we'll save Persuasion for the end.

It's better to do it last, anyway.

It was Austen's final book.

I thought Northanger Abbey was

the final book.

- Written first. Published last.

- That makes much more sense.

- Why?

- What happened with her?

'Cause it's a novel about novels.

You know? You see Austen as

the young writer, questioning herself.

"Who's a heroine?

What makes a good story?

"Are novels a waste of time? Am I

gonna write? What should I write about?"

- I like that.

- That's actually very perceptive, Grigg.

Thanks.

Prudie's mother died.

- What?

- Jesus.

She got into her car yesterday,

this was in San Diego.

She made a left coming out of a parking lot

into oncoming traffic.

- Jesus.

- Terrible.

- Were Prudie and her mom close?

- Well, there was tension.

What do we think? Is Persuasion

too depressing to take on right now,

with the dead mother and everything?

She doesn't die on the page.

Even Sense and Sensibility, the dad dies.

What about Pride and Prejudice?

I could use a little encounter in the woods

with Mr. Darcy right now.

- Are we all up for a little romance?

- Ready.

I think we're all overdue.

And it'll be better for Prudie.

I still can't believe you read

The Mysteries of Udolpho, Grigg.

- Bravo, Grigg. Bravo.

- Yay for the grilled artichokes.

- You can move in with us any time, Grigg.

- Please, don't bring skeletons.

She loves these.

Are you and Grigg seeing each other?

No. He's interested in Sylvia, obviously.

That was the plan, right?

I don't wanna fight, okay?

I don't know why you didn't

just take her back to the car

and have sex with her.

I mean, clearly you wanted to.

I talked to her...

I talked to her for like five minutes.

Longer. Longer, Dean.

And with those ridiculous plastic b*obs.

Is that what you go for?

Prudie, you know,

I was just trying to be nice to your friend.

Okay. Chloe Baher is not my friend, Dean.

Chloe Baher came to my mother's funeral

to gloat. "Ha-ha! Your mother's dead."

And you hit on her!

- I do... I do...

- You hit on her!

I was not hitting on her.

You know, when I was in the 10th grade,

I wrote an entire paper on Julius Caesar

in iambic pentameter.

And Chloe Baher removed it from my locker

and she read it aloud to the whole class.

And everyone laughed at me.

Baby, high school's over.

High school's never over.

"And turning 'round,

he looked for a moment at Elizabeth

"till catching her eye,

he withdrew his own and coldly said,

"'She is tolerable but not handsome

enough to tempt me.

"'I am in no humor at present to give

consequence to young ladies

"'who are slighted by other men.

"'You had better return to your partner

and enjoy her smiles,

"'for you are wasting your time with me."'

You know, I don't know if we can

do Pride and Prejudice next week,

because it's the library dinner.

Well, we need to go for Sylvia.

Daniel's bringing Pam.

- That's so unnecessary.

- Tell me about it.

- His firm's buying a table.

- Well, then we should buy one.

All of us, the book club.

- Show up in force.

- Yes.

"The Central Valley River City

All Jane Austen, All The Time Book Club,"

is what Grigg calls it.

He's so funny. I'm so glad

he finally made a date with Sylvia.

He's taking her to lunch.

I sure hope there's some dancing

in this thing.

I'm trying to diet.

My husband is bringing a date

to my fundraiser.

Yeah, re-reading Pride and Prejudice again,

I keep thinking,

"You know, courtship is easy."

- Where's Austen's novel on divorce?

- I wouldn't say it was easy.

Depends who you're courting, I guess.

- Does Jocelyn ever go out with anyone?

- Occasionally.

She used to date my husband

in high school.

Then she sort of gave him to me.

Daniel's the one

that first bought Jocelyn a dog.

- She traded your husband for a dog?

- Look, I adore Jocelyn, but...

If loving is letting go,

then whoever wants Jocelyn is going to

have to pry her fingers loose, one by one.

- Hey.

- Hi.

Hey.

Do you know Lynne from my writing group?

- I don't, actually. Allegra.

- Hey.

Listen, I just have to say,

you have been so good for Corinne.

Ever since you two have been together,

she's been writing nonstop.

Didn't you just love that story

that she wrote last week?

Well, Allegra and I don't discuss

what I'm working on.

Okay.

"Dear Ms. Corinne Mahern, we regret

"that we must decline to publish

the three short stories you sent us.

"Benny's Basketball" is strong narratively,

"but the depiction of your penis-waving

retarded boy felt a little unkind.

"And isn't the title

"Separating Eggs For Flan" a bit obvious

"as a metaphor for your parents' divorce?

"Yet we confess that "Skydiver"

puzzled us most.

"Why would a beautiful, self-centered

young lesbian jump out of a plane?"

I thought we could drive together.

We should hurry.

I don't want Sylvia sitting there alone.

- Sahara, off.

- Sylvia's already at the library.

- She said she had to get there early.

- So you offered her a ride first.

No, she happened to mention it at lunch.

That's a great dress.

Stay.

I converted it to biodiesel.

So it basically runs on donut grease.

This is so great. I never get to drive it.

Or vacuum it, apparently.

I like your hair.

You need to dance with Sylvia tonight.

- You do know how to dance, don't you?

- Of course I do.

I have three older sisters. I can dance.

Wait, if we stay in this lane,

we're gonna be late.

Given that I have to convert

donut grease into biofuel

every time I fill up the tank,

I just try not to drive very fast.

We're barely moving.

You ever read those Le Guin books

I bought you?

I prefer books about real people.

Okay, so Elizabeth Bennet is real

and people in science fiction aren't.

Is that it?

Science fiction books have people in them,

but they're not about the people.

Real people are complicated.

Well, there's all kinds of science fiction.

When you've read some,

I will be interested in your opinion.

- Why are you getting off here?

- I enjoy seeing the river.

What are you, Mark Twain?

Now we're gonna get stuck at every light.

Look at the talent in this room.

Half the Silicon Valley is here.

To romance.

- Hi.

- Hello.

I'm planning on meeting a software baron

and moving to Pemberley.

Well, everyone knows a rich man

is eventually going to want a new wife.

- Hi.

- Hi.

I'm Dean.

Yeah, he's not doing book club with us.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes