The Jeff Dunham Show Page #3
Season #1 Episode #5- Year:
- 2009
- 89 Views
Bubba J:
Number two: I can't say it, but it rhymes with "lagina."Jeff:
Bubba J...Bubba J:
Ironically, that's also the name of Sweet Daddy Dee's ex-wife.Jeff:
Lagina?Bubba J:
She's french.Jeff:
What?!Bubba J:
And double ironically, she was really large.So Sweet Daddy Dee, had a big fat Lagina. And finally, number one: beer.
Jeff:
Bubba J, did you write these when you were drunk?Bubba J:
Yes, I am. But don't worry, I'm ready for it when I get home.Jeff:
What?Bubba J:
And you can be, too.Jeff:
What are you talking about?Bubba J:
Watch this.Bubba J:
Did you know thousands of injuries occur every year in the home? How many of those were because folks was drunk? 20%? 50%? Try 900%. Well, today I'm gonna show you how to make your house safe for when you're liquored up. I call it, drunk proofing.Bubba J:
Hi, Mirish family. You got one of them fancy upstairs houses.You folks strike oil or invent something like the shovel?
"A lot of people have two-story homes, Bubba."
Bubba J:
Only the ones that are rich, rich, Richie Rich.Bubba J:
Having a second floor may be nice when you're sober but not when you're drunk.Bubba J:
Solution: Never ever go upstairs, Ever, at all, ever.Bubba J:
Oh, great drunk proofing, Mike."There you go."
Bubba J:
You used wood. You used barb wire, you used screws, and not one mexican.""No, I can do it myself."
Bubba J:
Ole!Bubba J:
Keep children and drunks away from these. I know it looks like a fork holder, but trust me, it ain't.Bubba J:
You should speckle this. You know what we should do when you're done?"What?"
Bubba J:
Put our initials in it."We can do that, maybe."
Bubba J:
Yeah, what are your initials? M. what?"M.M."
Bubba J:
You know, like that..that rapper that's white and thinks he's black? You know that guy?"I think I know that guy."
Bubba J:
Yes, uhm, Will Smith, that guy. Most important of all, Don't forget to drunk proof your kids. They our future of tomorrow. Well, talk about a great house to drink and be alive in.All:
Thanks, Bubba J."Bubba J:
Yay! Let's get some suds and test her out. Right, kids?"Yeah."
Bubba J:
Get drunk proof today.Jeff:
That's all for tonight. We'll see you next time. Thanks for watching. Good night.
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"The Jeff Dunham Show" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 25 Jul 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_jeff_dunham_show_24154>.
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