The Jeff Dunham Show Page #3

Season #1 Episode #5
Genre: Comedy
Year:
2009
91 Views


Bubba J:
Number two: I can't say it, but it rhymes with "lagina."

Jeff:
Bubba J...

Bubba J:
Ironically, that's also the name of Sweet Daddy Dee's ex-wife.

Jeff:
Lagina?

Bubba J:
She's french.

Jeff:
What?!

Bubba J:
And double ironically, she was really large.

So Sweet Daddy Dee, had a big fat Lagina. And finally, number one: beer.

Jeff:
Bubba J, did you write these when you were drunk?

Bubba J:
Yes, I am. But don't worry, I'm ready for it when I get home.

Jeff:
What?

Bubba J:
And you can be, too.

Jeff:
What are you talking about?

Bubba J:
Watch this.

Bubba J:
Did you know thousands of injuries occur every year in the home? How many of those were because folks was drunk? 20%? 50%? Try 900%. Well, today I'm gonna show you how to make your house safe for when you're liquored up. I call it, drunk proofing.

Bubba J:
Hi, Mirish family. You got one of them fancy upstairs houses.

You folks strike oil or invent something like the shovel?

"A lot of people have two-story homes, Bubba."

Bubba J:
Only the ones that are rich, rich, Richie Rich.

Bubba J:
Having a second floor may be nice when you're sober but not when you're drunk.

Bubba J:
Solution: Never ever go upstairs, Ever, at all, ever.

Bubba J:
Oh, great drunk proofing, Mike.

"There you go."

Bubba J:
You used wood. You used barb wire, you used screws, and not one mexican."

"No, I can do it myself."

Bubba J:
Ole!

Bubba J:
Keep children and drunks away from these. I know it looks like a fork holder, but trust me, it ain't.

Bubba J:
You should speckle this. You know what we should do when you're done?

"What?"

Bubba J:
Put our initials in it.

"We can do that, maybe."

Bubba J:
Yeah, what are your initials? M. what?

"M.M."

Bubba J:
You know, like that..that rapper that's white and thinks he's black? You know that guy?

"I think I know that guy."

Bubba J:
Yes, uhm, Will Smith, that guy. Most important of all, Don't forget to drunk proof your kids. They our future of tomorrow. Well, talk about a great house to drink and be alive in.

All:
Thanks, Bubba J."

Bubba J:
Yay! Let's get some suds and test her out. Right, kids?

"Yeah."

Bubba J:
Get drunk proof today.

Jeff:
That's all for tonight. We'll see you next time. Thanks for watching. Good night.

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Jeff Dunham

Jeffrey "Jeff" Dunham (born April 18, 1962) is an American ventriloquist and comedian who has also appeared on numerous television shows, including Late Show with David Letterman, Comedy Central Presents, The Tonight Show and Sonny With a Chance. He has six specials that run on Comedy Central: Jeff Dunham: Arguing with Myself, Jeff Dunham: Spark of Insanity, Jeff Dunham's Very Special Christmas Special, Jeff Dunham: Controlled Chaos, Jeff Dunham: Minding the Monsters, and Jeff Dunham: All Over the Map. Dunham also starred in The Jeff Dunham Show, a series on the network in 2009.His style has been described as "a dressed-down, more digestible version of Don Rickles with multiple personality disorder". Describing his characters, Time magazine said, "All of them are politically incorrect, gratuitously insulting and ill tempered." Dunham has been credited with reviving ventriloquism, and doing more to promote the art form than anyone since Edgar Bergen.Dunham has been called "America's favorite comedian" by Slate.com, and according to the concert industry publication Pollstar, he is the top-grossing standup act in North America, and is among the most successful acts in Europe as well. As of November 2009, he has sold over four million DVDs, an additional $7 million in merchandise sales, and received more than 350 million hits on YouTube as of October 2009 (his introduction of Achmed the Dead Terrorist in Spark of Insanity was ranked as the ninth most watched YouTube video at the time). A Very Special Christmas Special was the most-watched telecast in Comedy Central history, with its DVD selling over 400,000 in its first two weeks. Forbes.com ranked Dunham as the third highest-paid comedian in the United States behind Jerry Seinfeld and Chris Rock, and reported that he was one of the highest-earning comics from June 2008 to June 2009, earning approximately $30 million during that period. Dunham also does occasional acting roles. He achieved the Guinness Book of World Records record for "Most tickets sold for a stand-up comedy tour" for his Spark of Insanity tour, performing in 386 venues worldwide. more…

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