The Kids Are All Right Page #4

Sweetie,

don't be embarrassed.

Mom, I'm not embarrassed.

Jesus, give it a rest.

J ust let it go.

I'm gonna get

some ice cream.

I'll help.

Okay.

Honey, it's your

fourth glass.

Actually, it's my third.

But, you know,

thanks for counting.

Hey, I was...

You know, I was thinking.

I just bought this place

last year, and it's...

I mean,

the backyard's a wreck.

Would you be interested

in maybe coming and doing

some work for me?

That's okay.

- No, seriously.

- I can't...

I don't have time

to do it myself and...

Well, I mean,

that's really sweet of you,

but you should think

about it, you know.

- No, why?

- I just did.

I mean, it's all right

if you're not up for it.

It's okay.

No, I am.

I'm up for it. Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah?

Hey...

All right.

Okay.

Great.

Excellent.

Right on.

Yeah.

I'm just saying,

the plan was to limit

his involvement.

You're unbelievable.

I mean, you're all about

me getting clients.

And then I get a client,

and you're like,

"Oh, no, not him."

Yeah. But he's not

just a client, Jules.

He's our sperm donor.

I mean, haven't you

heard the expression

"don't sh*t where you eat"?

Yes, and I think

it's disgusting.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Look, he just seemed

so self-satisfied to me.

You know?

Yeah, he was working

the "alternative" thing

pretty hard.

Oh, my God.

When he said

that thing about,

"Oh, I just need to get

outside and do things,

not sit on my ass and learn.

"But that's just me, you know.

I'm weird that way."

I'd certainly clean up

a lot of this grass.

It's pretty... It's wasted.

Sure.

The lavender

is so nice.

And with the sun that

you have, that and,

like, that rosemary,

which kind of grow everywhere,

and you wouldn't even have

to think about it.

Yeah.

You could go like a whole,

like, Secret Garden,

kind of a trellis-y,

like hidden kind of thing.

Or you could, you know,

you could go like Asian-y.

Minimal. You know, like rocks

and kind of all clean and...

Whatever you think.

Well,

what do you think?

You know what? I'm not...

I'm not feeling minimal.

I really... I'm really

liking more is more.

You know? I mean,

let's not try to tame

this space, okay?

Let's just let it be

like lush,

overgrown, fecund.

Fecund.

Like fertile, yeah?

No, I love that word.

You just, you don't hear

people use it very often.

No, yeah.

Yeah, more is more.

Yeah, I like that.

Right on.

Let's do that.

I'm sorry.

What?

I just keep seeing

my kids' expressions

in your face.

Really?

Yeah.

Like that. Like, "Really?"

Like, yeah. That's like Laser.

Hmm.

Well...

Do you like patios?

Yeah, patios are good. Okay.

Yeah.

We could put

a patio up there.

Where?

Let's take a look.

- Hello. Donor Dad?

- Stone cold fox.

Must you take

everything beautiful

and make it dirty?

Okay.

I'm just saying.

Spermster's a hottie.

Is he single?

Okay.

First of all, ew,

and second,

he's a really good person.

So I'd prefer it

if you didn't taint him

with your whore juice.

Fair enough, hairy muff.

I'm out of here.

You lovebirds can

split my letters.

Do you want

to keep playing?

Sure.

Okay.

Sometimes I feel sorry

for Sasha, you know?

Yeah.

It's like she has to sexualize

every experience, you know?

It's just sad.

Yeah. Yeah, I know.

That's sad.

Oh, come on.

Hi ya, what's the score?

Pretty close.

- Yeah?

- 20 to three. Match point.

So how'd it go today?

It was good.

We settled on a concept.

Ah. What is it?

Well, you know,

it's kind of...

It's kind of hard to explain.

You really have

to see the space.

Okay. Hey, Laser,

did you write the get-well

card for Pup-pup?

Laser, come on.

What do I have to do?

I bought you the card.

I put it on your desk.

All you have

to do is sign it.

Mom, just settle down,

okay? I'll do it.

Hey. You don't tell me

to settle, mister.

If it's not in the mail

by tomorrow morning,

we're not going

to the Dodger game

Saturday, okay?

Whatever. I have

other plans anyways.

What other plans?

I asked you a question.

I said I'd do something

with Paul, okay? God!

Sh*t!

I believe this might not

be such a good idea.

Are you filming?

Yeah.

He's not gonna make that.

You're not gonna make that,

Clay. No way.

Let's do something

different.

Will you quit being

such a choch and

run the camera?

I'm only doing this once,

so keep my sh*t in frame.

All right.

All right, I got it.

Sh*t! Dude!

Clay, are you all right?

F***!

Did you get it, dude?

Clay,

you all right, bro?

Seriously, are you okay?

I'm f***ing fine! F***!

Did you f***ing

get it? God!

Yeah, I got it.

- F***, dude.

- Clay...

That was f***ing crazy.

Where's your place,

Clay, up here?

Yeah, right here

on the right.

- This is good.

- Cool here?

Yeah.

You take care.

Later.

See you.

Let's wait till

he gets to the house.

Maybe we could

hang out together just

you and me next time.

Clay's cool. He just...

You know, he gets

a little amped sometimes.

That's not amped, man.

That's being a tool.

No, he's not a tool, okay?

That's just his way.

Yeah, I don't like the way

he was talking to you at all.

Well, you know what?

You don't know him

very well, do you?

I mean, you hung out

with him once.

You're right.

I don't know him.

Can I ask you something?

Sure.

Why'd you donate sperm?

It just seemed like

a lot more fun than

donating blood.

No, I loved the idea

of helping people.

People who were in need,

you know, wanted to

have kids and couldn't.

So then you did it

to help people?

It was a long time ago.

How much did you

get paid?

Why do you want

to know that?

I'm just curious.

I got paid 60 bucks a pop.

That's it?

Well, it was, like,

a lot of money to me

at the time.

And with inflation,

it's like $90 today.

Hey.

I'm glad I did it.

Whoa.

What's this?

H i. Come here.

Come here. Sit down.

I'm sorry that

I've been so edgy lately,

you know.

I know I haven't

been my highest self.

Yeah.

And you've been

really patient with me.

And I just want you to know

that that hasn't gone

unrecognized, okay?

How's the water?

It's perfect.

You wanna come in?

In a minute.

You enjoy it first.

I forgot

the lavender bath salts.

Oh, I don't care.

No, no, no.

I wanna get them.

I got them special.

Don't go. Don't.

Don't move.

I'll be right back.

Nic?

Hey, Nic?

Jesus!

U h-huh.

Right. No,

I understand.

I understand where

the pain is, but it doesn't

sound like a contraction.

It sounds more like gas.

I'm sorry.

F***!

Right. Okay.

All right, this is our plan.

I don't think

you should worry,

and I think you should

just call me back

if it continues.

You sure you don't

want any coffee?

No thanks.

It's good.

I'm all right.

But I think I'm gonna go

to the nursery tomorrow,

so I want you

to sign off on

this Bougainvillea.

Sure.

What is this?

Did you make it?

Yeah. That's some pie I made.

It's right from my garden.

It's strawberry-rhubarb.

Here. Try.

Yeah, okay.

Twist my arm.

Oh, my God.

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