The King of Comedy Page #18

PATTEN:

Look, I tell you, the bureau is doing

everything possible to locate Mr.

Langford. Right now our men are out

checking out every radical group in

this city.

AN EXECUTIVE:

Radical?

PATTEN:

They're willing to sacrifice their

leader in order to get their message

across, aren't they? You've got to

figure that this is a desperate outfit.

I don't know who they are anymore than

you do. But I do know I've got to

stop them. Otherwise, what you're

seeing here is just the first of a

whole wave of these kinds of kidnappings.

THOMAS:

(upset)

Does this mean we're not supposed to

put him on?!?

PATTEN:

Who am I addressing, please?

CROCKETT:

That's Bert Thomas. He produces the

show.

PATTEN:

I'm only saying, Mr. Thomas, that we

can't allow this to reach the public.

When the kidnappers call in, of course

you're going to be cooperative.

Promise them anything they want.

After all, this King character is

going to have to show up sooner or

later. And once we get our hands

on him, he'll tell us where Mr. Langford

is.

PATTEN grinds his fist into his palm.

CUT TO:

100INT:
MARSHA'S APARTMENT - DAY

WE SEE PUPKIN in the shower, shampooing.

CUT TO:

101INT:
THE EXECUTIVE OFFICE

The scene is as before.

PATTEN:

Sure. Let him go on if you have

to. It's just a taping. You can

always erase him afterwards, can't

you? (pause) All I'm saying is this:

don't put him on the air.

THOMAS:

That's fine, Inspector, but let's say

he finishes his bit and you've worked

him over ...

PATTEN:

Questioned him, Mr. Thomas.

There is light laughter.

THOMAS:

Okay, questioned him and he still

won't talk. We get to eleven thirty

and what do we do? Do we air him or

what?

There is a heavy pause.

PATTEN:

I would say no.

THOMAS:

But they might kill Jerry!

CROCKETT:

(breaking in)

Okay, Burt. (to PATTEN) Thank you,

Inspector. We appreciate your position

and we'll do all we can to cooperate

with you. But I have to tell you

right now that, if it comes down to

it, we're not taking any chances with

Mr. Langford's life.

PATTEN:

I understand but ...

CROCKETT:

(interrupting)

If your men haven't been able to

locate Mr. Langford by air time,

we're going to have to put this King

guy on, no matter what he's said.

After all, Inspector, what's ten or

fifteen minutes of talk show time

against a man's life?

CUT TO:

102INT:
MARSHA'S APARTMENT - DAY

WE SEE PUPKIN in his new suit and ruffled shirt, impeccably

groomed, standing next to the bed. He is talking to

LANGFORD but we don't see anyone but PUPKIN.

PUPKIN:

Open. (pause) Bite ... Good.

He is wrapping LANGFORD's mouth shut but all we see is that

he is doing something.

PUPKIN:

Can you breathe? Both ways? In

and out?

WE PULL BACK TO SEE LANGFORD nodding. He is strapped to

the bed with tape and encased like a mummy, only his eyes

and nose showing. PUPKIN has wrapped him in tape from tip

to toe. MARSHA emerges from the kitchen stirring something.

PUPKIN:

(to MARSHA)

You've got until around midnight.

Have a good time. (to LANGFORD)

So long, Jerry! Wish me luck.

PUPKIN leaves.

CUT TO:

103 INT:
BERT THOMAS' OFFICE - DAY

The phone rings. BERT THOMAS' SECRETARY answers.

THOMAS' SECRETARY

Bert Thomas! Who's calling please?

(her voice grows tense) Yes, Mr. King.

CUT TO:

104INT:
BERT THOMAS' DESK - DAY

THOMAS sits by his phone. There is a large machine,

looking like a large tape recorder, attached to the phone

and monitoring the call. GIARDELLO is at a second phone

and starts placing a call. PATTEN stands next to THOMAS.

There are two other PLAINCLOTHESMEN in the room, CROCKETT

and CATHY LONG.

PATTEN:

(quietly to THOMAS)

Keep him talking.

THOMAS nods and picks up the phone.

THOMAS:

Yes? ... Yes, Mr, King. We understand.

Everything's been arranged. Now if

you'll just tell me a little about the

nature of your material, so that

we can ...

CUT TO:

105EXT:
UPPER EAST SIDE MANHATTAN STREET - DAY

PUPKIN stands in a public phonebooth on a streetcorner.

PUPKIN:

(into the phone)

I'll tell you everything you need to

know at the studio this evening,

Mr. Thomas. I appreciate your co-

operation. Goodbye.

PUPKIN steps out of the booth and starts walking downtown.

CUT TO:

106INT:
MARSHA'S APARTMENT - DAY

Late afternoon. MARSHA is setting the dining room table

for two. She talks as she works.

MARSHA:

I've got so much to tell you I just

don't know what to begin with. Are

you okay?

LANGFORD mumbles incoherently through his gag and tape.

MARSHA:

Good. Tell me if you're not.

I guess you're wondering why I do

stuff like this. I think it's

because I'm a Leo, but my shrink says

I'm pathologically rebellious and

self-destructive. You don't think

I'm self-destructive, do you?

LANGFORD, mummified, again mumbles and struggles a bit in

his bonds.

MARSHA:

I knew you wouldn't. That's 'cause

you're the only person in the world

who really understands me.

CUT TO:

107 INT:
CROCKETT'S OFFICE - DAY

CROCKETT sits behind his desk. With him are BERT THOMAS,

CATHY LONG and three other EXECUTIVES.

CROCKETT:

Can Randall* sub for Jerry?

[*Tony Randall is one of any number of substitute hosts.]

THOMAS:

His agent's calling us back but it looks

good. I only told him Jerry's sick.

CROCKETT:

Well, if worse comes to worse, Canter

can always carry it. (to CATHY LONG)

Let me see your list.

CATHY LONG hands CROCKETT a blue piece of paper. He

glances over it quickly.

CROCKETT:

Any one of these a writer?

THOMAS:

(pointing to a name on

the list)

McCabe. The Vanishing Siberian Tiger.

CROCKETT:

He's out.

CATHY LONG:

What if we don't run this King guy?

Who'll fill the time?

CROCKETT:

We'll stretch the other guests. But

I think we're going to wind up running

him. For one thing, we've got to think

about Jerry.

FIRST EXECUTIVE:

And from a news point of view, we've

got a responsibility to air this story.

CROCKETT:

Exactly, Lou. (pause) I mean, who

would you rather watch -- some tiger

expert or a live kidnapper.

A SECOND EXECUTIVE

But nobody's going to know he's a

kidnapper. They'll think we've gone

crazy.

CROCKETT:

Then they'll read about it in the papers

tomorrow and, believe me, tomorrow night,

everyone in America will be watching

Jerry talk about his experience. And

he can put this King guy on rerun.

THOMAS:

You're going to put him on twice?

A THIRD EXECUTIVE

What if his stuff's unusable?

SECOND EXECUTIVE

And remember what Patten said about ...

CROCKETT:

Hold on. (pause) We can always edit

the guy. And, as for a wave of these

things, I just don't buy the idea

that there are that many people out

there crazy enough to spend their

lives in prison for a few minutes

on television.

CUT TO:

108EXT:
MADISON AVENUE IN THE SIXTIES - DAY

PUPKIN walks purposefully down the street.

CUT TO:

109EXT:
OUTSIDE THE JERRY LANGFORD SHOW THEATER - DAY

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