The King of Comedy Page #2

PUPKIN stares at LANGFORD for a moment and then slides

into the limo next to him, closing the door behind him.

2INT:
LIMO - NIGHT

PUPKIN:

I hate to bother you like this, Jerry,

but could I speak to you for a minute.

LANGFORD:

I'd like to but ...

PUPKIN:

I know you're a busy man. I promise not

to take very long, really. But I need

your advice.

PUPKIN looks down at his hand which has been badly

scratched.

PUPKIN:

You don't have a handkerchief, do you?

Jesus, these people will kill you for a

cufflink.

LANGFORD hands him a monogrammed handkerchief, then checks

his watch.

PUPKIN:

Thanks. If you have to be somewhere, I

don't mind talking as we drive. You can

drop me off anywhere.

LANGFORD:

Sorry, but I've got a strict rule never to ...

PUPKIN:

I put myself on the line for you, Jerry.

Reluctantly, LANGFORD signals with his head to his

CHAUFFEUR to start moving. As the car moves through New

York traffic, PUPKIN and LANGFORD talk.

PUPKIN:

Thanks, Jerry. I'm grateful for this chance

to talk to you ... I hope I'm not boring you.

LANGFORD:

I'll let you know.

PUPKIN:

Really? Fine. I'm Rupert Pupkin, Jerry.

I know that the name itself doesn't mean

very much to you but it means an awful lot

to me, believe me. Maybe you've seen me

outside your show and wondered who I am.

Well, right now, I'm in communications but,

by nature, I'm a stand-up comedian. I know

what you're thinking -- 'oh no. Not another

one.' And I wouldn't take up even one minute

of your time if I wasn't absolutely convinced

of my talent. I'm really good, Jerry,

believe me, I'm dynamite. Now you're probably

wondering if I'm so good why haven't you

caught my act somewhere, right?

LANGFORD:

Well ...

PUPKIN:

Well, up to now, I've been biding my time,

developing my act slowly and carefully so

that when my big break finally comes, I'm

ready -- like you were that night Paar got

sick and you sat in for him. I was there

that night, in the theater. That was the

most important night of my life, until

tonight, of course.

PUPKIN fishes a cigarette case out of his jacket pocket,

flips it open and offers one to LANGFORD.

LANGFORD:

No thanks. I don't smoke.

PUPKIN returns the pack to his pocket.

PUPKIN:

Me neither. I just carry them as a

courtesy. How about a cough drop?

LANGFORD:

(smiling indulgently)

No thanks. I don't cough.

PUPKIN:

I try not to but sometimes, you know

... Am I making any sense?

LANGFORD:

(smiling)

Go on.

PUPKIN:

Well, that night you did Paar, I walked

out of the theater like I was in a dream.

All of a sudden, I knew what I wanted.

I started catching your guest appearances

on Sullivan and taping them and, when you

got your own show, it got to be a kind of

regular thing. I studied how you built

to your one-liners, nice and relaxed like

you were chatting, and how you delivered

the jokes without leaning too much on

them, without saying "here's the punchline,

folks." And I watched the way you played

off dead audiences, how you let those long

silences build until people couldn't

stand it and then the way you got them

off the hook with that slow smile. You

were my college of comedy, Jerry, like

a kind of teacher, a friend. I know it

sounds crazy, but when you watch someone

every night ... But that's all in the

past. What I'm trying to say is this.

I'm ready now. I've finished the course.

And I'm thinking as we sit here talking

"Is this it? Is this that one big break?"

Is it, Jerry?

There is a long pause.

PUPKIN:

Jerry?

LANGFORD:

Look ... er ... what was the name?

PUPKIN:

I'm Rupert, Jerry.

LANGFORD:

Look, Rupert. I know what you're saying.

But things don't work that way. You can't

just walk onto a network show without any

experience. You've got to start at the

bottom ...

PUPKIN:

But that's where I am!

LANGFORD:

You've got to work your way up, learn your

trade in front of live audiences, start

playing the little clubs.

PUPKIN:

But that can take years, Jerry! Look at

me. I'm already 31 years old! People my

age are way ahead of me. I've got some

catching up to do and I need your help.

What do you say, Jerry? All I'm asking

you to do is listen to my act. That's all.

Is that asking too much?

LANGFORD:

I get calls from agents every day.

All they want ...

PUPKIN:

I tried getting an agent. I did, Jerry.

But you know how it is. You can't get an

agent unless you're working and you can't

get work unless you've got an agent ...

or unless you know somebody. And the

only person I know is you, Jerry.

There is a long pause.

LANGFORD:

Look, why don't you call my office.

PUPKIN:

Could I?!? Oh, I knew you'd say that,

Jerry. You don't know how many times I've

had this conversation in my head. And this

is the way it always turns out. That's why

I had to sort of invite myself into the car

tonight. I know it's kind of presumptuous

and I really appreciate the time you've

given me. But breaks like this don't just

happen. You have to make your own breaks.

The limousine starts slowing down as it pulls up before

U.N. Plaza. It stops. LANGFORD gets out. PUPKIN follows.

3EXT:
U.N. PLAZA APARTMENTS - NIGHT

LANGFORD turn to PUPKIN, looking to get rid of him as

cleanly and gracefully as possible. LANGFORD extends

his hand. PUPKIN goes to shake it but his hand is wrapped

in the handkerchief. He extends his left hand. LANGFORD

shakes it awkwardly.

LANGFORD:

Nice meeting you, Rupert. I hope it all

works out for you.

PUPKIN:

Thanks, Jerry. I don't know how to repay

you. I'm a little short on cash this

evening, but, if you don't mind some good,

hearty food, I'd be honored to take you

to dinner.

LANGFORD:

Thanks, but some people are waiting for me.

PUPKIN:

Oh, I understand. Well, then, maybe I could

repay you with a joke.

LANGFORD is starting to walk into the building.

PUPKIN:

Wait a minute. How's this? The first night

you do your show from the coast, you open

this way. "Good evening, ladies and

gentlemen, it's great to be back here in

Southern California where you can wake up

in the morning and listen to the birds

coughing ... "

LANGFORD:

(nodding but unsmiling)

Not bad. Maybe.

PUPKIN calls after LANGFORD who heads for the entrance

to his building.

PUPKIN:

Consider it a gift. Hey, Jerry!

How about lunch? My treat!

LANGFORD:

(turning back before

he enters the building)

Call my office.

PUPKIN waves with his bandaged hand, notices LANGFORD's

handkerchief and unwraps it.

PUPKIN:

(to the handkerchief)

Thanks, Jerry.

The CAMERA MOVES IN for a CLOSE-UP of PUPKIN in a kind of daze.

FADE TO:

4INT:
SARDI'S RESTAURANT - DAY

PUPKIN and LANGFORD stand at the edge of the foyer, waiting

for the Maitre d' to seat them. VINCENT, the owner, spots

them and hurries over.

VINCENT:

I'm sorry, Mr. Langford. (To PUPKIN,

angrily) How did you get in?

LANGFORD:

That's alright, Vincent. Mr. Pupkin's a

friend of mine.

VINCENT:

(puzzled)

Oh, I see.

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