The King of Comedy Page #3

PUPKIN:

That's alright. Now if you'd be good enough

to find us a nice table.

PUPKIN pushes a five dollar bill into VINCENT's hand.

VINCENT:

Certainly. This way, please.

VINCENT leads PUPKIN and LANGFORD to the "bullpen," a

select spot in a corner of the restaurant.

VINCENT:

Here you are. Enjoy your lunch, gentlemen.

LANGFORD:

Is Eddie here today, Vincent?

VINCENT:

I'll send him over.

A WAITER arrives and hands them the menu.

WAITER:

Our specialty today is Rizzofino Dolce Acqua

a la Marinara con Spezi. Very good.

PUPKIN:

Sounds like a new opera.

LANGFORD:

Fine. What comes with it?

WAITER:

Me.

The three laugh.

PUPKIN:

Fine. For two.

WAITER:

Very good.

The WAITER leaves.

PUPKIN:

You look tired, Jerry.

LANGFORD:

It shows, does it? It's all these problems

with the show. That and the custody suit.

PUPKIN:

I was sorry to read about that, Jerry.

Charlene never should have gotten the

kids. If there's anything I can do.

LANGFORD:

I appreciate it, Rube. Just talking about

it a little with you helps.

Eddie arrives. He is a small, slightly-bald man with

greying hair and a goatee. He wears a foulard under an

open-necked shirt. He carries a long sketch pad. He

immediately sets up a small easel and starts sketching.

PUPKIN:

Hasn't Eddie already done you?

LANGFORD:

Never mind. You were saying ...

PUPKIN:

Well, I've been giving a lot of thought

to your situation, Jerry, ever since I

saw you starting to lose ground in the

ratings. And I think I know what the

problem is. Too many of the same faces.

LANGFORD:

Yeah?

PUPKIN:

Sure, people are getting tired of these

people who live off game shows and talk

shows and can't really do anything. They've

seen 'em and heard 'em till they can't

stand it anymore.

LANGFORD:

You know, maybe you're right, Rube.

PUPKIN:

I'm sure I am. When a show runs out of

surprises, it loses its audience.

A YOUNG GIRL stands before PUPKIN and LANGFORD. She hands

PUPKIN her autograph book.

PUPKIN:

What's your name, dear?

GIRL:

Dolores.

PUPKIN:

(writing)

To Dolores, who sensed greatness.

Rupert Pupkin.

GIRL:

(reading it)

Thanks, Mr. Pupkin.

The GIRL leaves.

PUPKIN:

You see what I mean? What you need on the

show is some unknown quantity, some brilliant

talent making his television debut. Imagine

the suspense. Who is this young guy? How

will he do with the eyes of all America on

him? Something like that has got to help.

LANGFORD:

And that's where you come in.

PUPKIN:

Why not? Believe me, Jerry, I'd give you

the credit you deserve and I'll stick with

you. Anytime you need me, I'll be there,

doing a few minutes at Guild scale.

LANGFORD:

I'd be grateful, Rube. I really would.

EDDIE:

All finished, Mr. Langford.

EDDIE turns the caricature so PUPKIN and LANGFORD can see

it. It's a picture of the two of them, facing each other

and smiling.

PUPKIN:

Oh, Jerry, you sneaky ...

LANGFORD:

Looks good, Eddie.

The WAITER arrives with a bottle of champagne.

PUPKIN:

What's this?

WAITER:

Compliments of Mr. Sardi.

EDDIE hangs the picture of LANGFORD and PUPKIN on the wall

behind them among the hundreds of other caricatures --

from Bankhead to Sid Caesar to Bette Davis. The CAMERA

PANS over these. We hear the champagne pop.

PUPKIN'S VOICE

How does your afternoon look?

LANGFORD'S VOICE

What have you got in mind?

PUPKIN'S VOICE

Well, we've still got time to catch

the Cubs and the Mets out at Shea.

LANGFORD'S VOICE

Why not? But first, a toast. To you,

Rube and your success.

PUPKIN'S VOICE

Thanks, Jerry.

FADE TO:

5EXT:
U.N. PLAZA - NIGHT

PUPKIN:

Thanks, Jerry.

PUPKIN takes LANGFORD's handkerchief and folds it

reverentially, tucking it carefully into his breast pocket.

He claps his hands together a few times for joy and

dashes into the street to hail a cab.

CUT TO:

6INT:
LANGFORD'S APARTMENT

LANGFORD enters his apartment. It is tasteful, modern,

spacious and empty. A floodlight shines on a single

setting at the end of a long dinner table. He walks over

to a large aquarium and sprinkles some food for the fish.

LANGFORD:

(to the fish)

Say hello to Jerry.

On a shelf above the aquarium stand three pictures, one of

two boys, roughly eight and eleven, flanked by a shot of

each boy alone. LANGFORD walks to the end of the table

where a covered dish and a New York Post await him. He

lifts the covered dish which reveals a large, cold salmon.

LANGFORD:

(to the fish)

Say hello to Jerry.

LANGFORD begins poking at the fish with his fork. The

phone rings. He answers it.

LANGFORD:

Yeah.

GIRL'S VOICE

It's Marsha, Jerry. Did you get my note?

I left it on the back seat. Did you get it?

I dropped it there before they pulled me

out. Those guys hurt me, Jerry. (pause)

Jerry?

LANGFORD:

(icily)

Who gave you this number?

MARSHA'S VOICE

Don't be angry with me, Jerry. I didn't

know what else to do; I've been trying

you every five minutes, I miss you,

baby ... Jerry?

LANGFORD hangs up the phone and then takes it off the receiver.

LANGFORD:

Say goodbye to Jerry.

He shakes his head wearily, returns to his dinner and turns

to the inside pages of the New York Post.

CUT TO:

7EXT:
LEXINGTON AVENUE IN THE SIXTIES - NIGHT

A cab pulls up in front of an all-night florist shop.

PUPKIN dashes out of the cab and into the florist's.

The cab waits.

CUT TO:

8EXT:
LEXINGTON AVENUE IN THE SIXTIES - NIGHT

PUPKIN dashes out of the florist's clutching a single red

rose. He hops back into the cab which starts moving.

CUT TO:

9EXT:
A STREET OFF BROADWAY - NIGHT

The cab pulls up in front of Gil's Steaks and Chops, a

restaurant of little distinction that has a few checkered

tableclothed tables in the rear and a long bar at the

front. PUPKIN stares through the window of the bar at

RITA, the bargirl, an attractive, somewhat shopworn blonde

in her late twenties. PUPKIN enters.

CUT TO:

10INT:
BAR-RESTAURANT

PUPKIN goes to the near end of the sparsely-populated bar.

PUPKIN:

Miss!

RITA comes over. PUPKIN smiles knowingly.

PUPKIN:

A beer please, Miss. Something imported.

RITA:

Heineken's alright?

PUPKIN:

Fine.

RITA serves him a Heineken's. She stares at him, searching

his face.

PUPKIN:

How have you been, Rita?

She stares again.

RITA:

You're not Rupert Pupkin!

PUPKIN smiles broadly.

RITA:

How the hell did you find me?

PUPKIN:

Sally Gardner, I met her after a matinee.

Aren't you glad to see me?

RITA:

Sure, sure. How is old Sally?

PUPKIN:

The same, I guess. You know, two kids,

a nice husband, living in Clifton.

RITA:

It figures.

PUPKIN:

A lot of the kids in our class have

moved back.

RITA:

What are you doing here?

PUPKIN:

I just thought I'd say hello. Here,

I brought you a little something.

RITA:

(recognizing his style)

Oh, yeah, Mr. Romance.

PUPKIN:

Don't forget to put in an aspirin.

It lasts longer.

RITA fills a glass of water and puts in the rose.

RITA:

Nothing's gonna keep it alive in this place.

PUPKIN:

How have you been, dear, sweet Rita?

RITA:

I don't have an aspirin.

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