The L-Shaped Room Page #4

Would you like to come in

for a cup of coffee?

- You've got a long walk home, you know?

- No. I'll go straight to bed tonight.

- Thank you for meeting me.

- Pleasure.

- Jane?

- Hm?

You know what I said the first time we met

about, er, not being on the make?

Well, it's not strictly true, you see.

I've been on the make all the time.

- For what it's worth.

- Hmm.

Well, I... I'm very manageable.

Don't let it worry you.

Good night, Toby.

Night.

Well, I mean,

why should I bore you with it?

You're not boring me.

I haven't thought about her, really.

Not for six months now.

Well, I have thought about her.

That's a lie, of course.

But it's been different somehow.

A year ago I used to shake all over.

- Couldn't even hold a newspaper.

- Hm.

People used to look at me on trains

as if I were some sort of freak.

Well, I was, of course.

Was she very beautiful?

I thought so.

Well, I still think so, yes.

Yeah.

I'm not telling the truth, anyway.

It's less than six months.

The day I first saw you, I'd seen

a picture of her in some glossy magazine.

It was getting on a plane or getting

off a plane. You know, the waving bit.

They travel a lot.

I bought three copies.

I kept throwing them away

and then buying another one.

Then I rang her.

I rang the number.

The husband answered

and I didn't hang up, you know? Hmm.

I asked for... Bob or somebody.

I could hear her in the background

asking who it was.

You know, the telephone

must have been in the bedroom.

Madness.

What's it like

to be in love with somebody?

Bloody awful.

Haven't you ever loved anybody?

I don't know.

I don't think so.

- I don't believe it.

- Why not?

No particular reason.

I just don't believe it.

- How old are you?

- 27.

- Well, I don't believe you.

- I don't either, but it's true.

No, it's nothing to do with being 27.

I don't mean that.

It's just... I just don't believe it

because of what you are.

What am I? You tell me.

No. I'm not gonna tell you.

I want to keep the advantage.

Well, you're quite right, of course.

It's ridiculous to get to 27

and have to find excuses for leaving home.

- Is that what you did?

- Mmh

I had a good home. "Good" underlined.

I came to England

because I was suffocating.

All my girlfriends were getting married.

Or having affairs at least.

So I envy you.

The shakes, you mean?

Yes, something like that.

Oh, well. They're overrated, too.

Like a death sometimes.

Love.

Like a death.

What are you doing down there?

- We don't allow this in the park, you know?

- What?

We don't want this sort of thing

in broad daylight.

- What are you talking about?

- You know what I'm talking about.

There are children

playing in this park, you know?

If you must do this sort of thing,

go somewhere else.

- Do what sort of thing?

- There's too much of it.

The parks are for everybody's enjoyment,

not just for some to spoil it.

I don't understand.

What was she talking about?

Don't ask me, love. Don't ask me.

What was she talking about children for?

She was assuming that we were just about

to have it off here on the grass.

Between her and the bomb

we don't stand a chance. Not an earthly.

Hm.

Would that corrupt children?

- It might.

- It might corrupt me.

- I corrupt very easily.

- Hmm.

I could fall in love with you, you know?

Do you know that?

- No.

- Oh, don't look so upset.

I don't expect you

to do anything about it.

Come on.

We don't have to say anything.

Well, if you want to say anything,

say you're in love with me.

If you don't want to say anything,

don't say anything.

It's a pretty dodgy place

to commit yourself.

13, 20...

Ooh.

Just a minute.

- Hello.

- Hi.

I thought we stopped

pulling up the drawbridge.

I must have done it when I first came in,

without thinking.

What are you out of breath for?

- Am I?

- Yeah.

Unless, of course,

you're just flushed with success like me.

Hey, I say,

you're improving the old place.

Oh, yes.

I came in this evening to find that.

Johnny did it as a surprise.

Oh, very nice. Is he in now?

I don't know.

I didn't hear him go out.

- Johnny?

- What does he do for a living?

Plays in a band.

Nope. I'm in a good mood tonight.

- Oh?

- Yeah. Got some work done.

- Finished a story.

- Hm.

- Are you pleased with it?

- No, not really, but I finished it.

Do you, er...? Do you wanna read it?

Yes, if you'd like me to.

What's it about?

You and me.

In a sort of way.

Hm, so that's

how the French make coffee, is it?

I often wondered.

Where's yours?

Oh, I'm not having any.

I'm just having milk.

Oh?

Yes. I've gone off coffee at night.

Have you gone off me?

That's more to the point?

No. Why should I?

No particular reason.

Just... on the defensive.

I always like to know where I stand.

Don't you like to know where you stand?

No.

No, I don't think

I'll let you read it yet.

It's not a happy story.

It's not for publication anyway.

It's just...

Oh, I don't know.

I'm a lousy writer, really.

I used to think I was good.

I didn't have any doubts at all.

I used to think I was something special.

I threw a beautiful golden shadow.

Ah, that's enough milk and no sugar.

Now, well, it's all been said.

There's too many people writing, anyway.

Too many trees coming down.

Have you been thinking about me at all?

- Of course.

- About what I said, I mean?

Yes.

What conclusions did you come to, hm?

I was very rude to you, wasn't I,

the first time we met?

No, you weren't rude.

I was very strange, anyway.

Yes, you were.

I put all that in the story too, but, er...

I don't know, it didn't come out right.

Well, what conclusions

did you come to, huh?

I don't think I came to any.

Oh.

Well, maybe I just ought

to write you letters, hm?

They're the best kind of love affairs,

aren't they? Correspondence.

Nobody gets hurt.

Don't you agree?

- I don't know.

- It's true.

Everything's always perfect.

Nobody has BO on paper or bad breath

or those things you read about

in women's magazines, you know?

"How to hold your man."

"I shaved my armpits

and found lasting happiness."

Silly!

Oh, I could fall in love with you

so easily.

Don't fall in love with me.

Why not?

You don't know me.

Ah, but I have a rule, you see?

I fall in love first

and find out about people afterwards.

That way you always get hurt.

- Can I ask you something?

- Mmh

Are you in love with somebody else?

ls that why you're here?

No. No, that isn't why I'm here.

Well, I thought it was

for a long time, you see?

I always judge other people by my... my...

my own standards.

Can I kiss you, hm?

I know it's pretty basic stuff

and all that, but...

Oh, I do want

to kiss you very much indeed.

I'm not very exciting to kiss right now.

Why?

Because you've got milk on your chin?

I'm not very exciting to kiss.

You don't remind me of anybody

if that's what you're thinking.

Can I?

I ask most humbly.

Well, I'll be a good boy.

Say good night.

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