The Lady Vanishes Page #2

please board the train?

- 'It will stop at Innsbruck, Bregenz...'

- (Whistle blows)

- 'Mullenbach, St Gallen and Basel.'

- (Whistle blows)

'Please close the doors.

The train is ready to leave.'

This is the compartment of the Baroness

von Kisling. All seats are reserved.

Why don't you just dry up

and blow away?

I believe this is my seat.

Here, let me take this.

That's all right. I'll just fold it up

and pop it up there on the rack.

Thank you so much.

- Darf ich Ihnen helfen?

- Nein danke, das schaffe ich alleine.

(Whistle blows)

Hey Sie, kommen Sie her!

Machen Sie schon.

Mensch, wir brauchen Sie.

Wo ist diese Person jetzt?

Unterwegs zum Bahnhof.

(Whistle blows)

Can I do anything to help?

You look as if you've been playing

in a coal bin.

Don't tell me I still have...

Why don't we go and see

if the dining car is open?

A nice cup of tea will settle your tummy.

And we'll stop in the washroom

and wash it off!

By all means.

(Laughter)

I said to them, "Don't you play

in the coal bin any more."

Thank you.

- Oh!

- Oh! I'm sorry.

Do forgive me. Very clumsy.

That's all right.

I'm just waiting for the waiter.

- If I see him, shall I send him back?

- Thank you. Thank you so much.

What a handsome couple.

She reminds me of an actress.

There are more English people on this

train than there are in Piccadilly Circus.

Darling, I do think you're developing

a persecution complex.

The last day in the hotel

was a nightmare.

Skulking in the corridors,

- dinner in our room...

- Well, I am not exactly unknown.

We missed all the fun. Apparently, that

American girl did an imitation of Hitler.

- Really? How lovely(!)

- I wish we'd been there.

I could have done my Mussolini.

I do a splendid Mussolini.

Oh, darling.

Do stop worrying.

I promise you, that poor lady

has no idea who you are.

- Well, it is better to be safe than sorry.

- Mm, yes.

Anyway, isn't it rather nicer to be alone?

Wollen Sie hier Platz nehmen?

They're very friendly, Germans, once you

know them. I've spent four years here.

- Guten Tag.

- I think I'll have a nice cup of tea.

Would you like tea

or some nice warm Bovril?

Whisky. Large whisky and soda, please.

- Whisky and soda?

- Large.

- And a pot of tea?

- Yes. Oh, just one moment.

Er... Would you mind using this?

Harriman's Herbal,

as drunk by a million Mexicans.

"A soothing compound to settle

the stomach and soothe the nerves."

- Are you sure you won't try some?

- I've never been more sure of anything.

It's your tummy,

you know what to put into it.

Just one moment...

Ginger snaps. Would you pop these

onto a plate, please?

And be sure that the water

is really boiling for the tea.

- Certainly, madam.

- Yes.

I don't suppose it's really drunk

by a million Mexicans

but it does make a lovely cup of tea.

- By the way, my name is Froy.

- Did you say Freud?

- (Train roars past)

- Not Freud, Froy.

I'm sorry, I can't hear you.

Froy. Rhymes with "joy"!

Oh, Froy. Froy!

I'm a children's governess

and music teacher.

I've just spent an unforgettable

four years in Bavaria.

Now I'm going back to England.

To Brighton, that's where my home is.

Well, Hove actually,

it's just down the coast a bit.

I work for General von Reider.

Mm, very attractive.

He's such a fine man

and such dear children.

- Ahh.

- I hated leaving them.

But with things the way they are

it seemed best for me to be off home.

Shame. We had such lovely times

together at the castle.

Twenty four in service,

plus five gardeners.

- Really?

- I had a lovely room.

- Like to see a picture?

- Love to.

There it is. There I am,

right up in the north tower.

The ceiling was all painted blue -

like peacock feathers, lined with gold.

And mirrors in the most unusual places.

Thank you.

Would you reserve two places

for lunch, please?

- If you'd care to have it with me.

- If I'm still alive.

Well, here we go.

Once more into the breach.

- Try to make it for the first sitting.

- Certainly, madam.

- Thank you.

- (Caldicott) It's a moot point.

There's nothing moot about it.

The fellow simply was not out.

If it hadn't been for the umpires,

he'd be batting still.

- I do not understand. If...

- I'll show you.

I saw it. I saw the whole thing. Look.

Here's Hutton at the wicket,

there's the umpire, Constantine bowling.

Stollmeyer, Headley, Sealy...

Oh, dear, he's forgot the sugar.

He's at the gasworks end,

so the light was on his right.

Constantine bowls.

- Would you pass the sugar, please?

- Pardon?

May I trouble you for the sugar?

I...

If you'd be kind enough

to pass the sugar.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Don't mention it.

Los, wir mssen uns beeilen. Ab!

(Laughter)

Shh!

- I think I'll take a nap too.

- That's a very good idea.

Cover up with your nice fur coat.

It's lovely and soft.

It is soft, isn't it? Yes.

I was given a squirrel coat

by a woman I worked for

but it was always getting caught

in my bicycle wheel.

Now, you have a good sleep

and then I'll wake you up

in time for a good, hot lunch.

(Whistles)

Danke.

(Mouths)

(Whistles melody)

(Train whistle)

Excuse me.

The English lady that was sitting there,

do you know where she went?

There has been no English lady here.

- Excuse me?

- There has been no English lady here.

You had perhaps a dream.

It wasn't a dream. I'm talking about

the lady that was sitting right there.

We went to the dining car. You

remember, you gave her the chocolate.

- Ich versteh nicht.

- You are, I think, still half asleep.

You went and came back alone.

You don't understand.

I'm talking about the lady.

The English lady in the brown hat.

I was feeling ill and she took care of me.

We went to the dining car.

- She had tea and I had whisky.

- Whisky?

That, no doubt,

is what is making you confused.

If this is some kind of practical joke,

I find it very unfunny.

- Oh, waiter?

- Yes, madam?

- You served me, right?

- Yes, madam.

Remember the lady with the brown hat?

Have you seen her again?

But madam was alone.

Don't be absurd.

Of course I wasn't alone.

She gave you a pack of tea. Something

horrible called Harriman's Herbal.

- You must remember that.

- There was no tea, madam.

Just a whisky and soda.

A large whisky and soda.

Not only that, she paid the check.

I'm sorry, madam,

but it was you who paid.

I have the bill

if madam would care to look.

Never mind. I'll find her myself.

Excuse me, I'm terribly sorry

to disturb you...

Ah, Mrs Kelly!

Which I presume still is your name,

unless you've gotten married again

on the train.

- You're a swine.

- You know Mrs Rose Flood Porter...

- A complete swine.

- ..and Dr Hartz who saved you last night.

Why didn't you tell me

I had that moustache?

My mother taught me it was bad

manners to make personal remarks

and if, "Hey, lady, your moustache is

showing," isn't a personal remark

I've never heard one! Dr Hartz...

Please! I'm delighted to see you

looking well. No trouble with the head?

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