The Lady Vanishes Page #3

Clearly just the usual.

There's a woman missing on this train.

I saw her.

Now people keep saying

she was never there!

- Lovely weather we're having.

- Really lovely.

- Oh.

- Really very lovely.

- Quite warm.

- Not unpleasantly so, though.

- I find it very pleasant indeed.

- Very pleasant.

Look! If you wanna talk about

the weather

like a bunch of creeps, go ahead!

That knock on the head last night,

I wonder if it has affected her?

- Imbibes, does she?

- Drinks like a fish.

Blind as a hoot owl, drunk as a skunk.

Disgraceful!

- Mrs Kelly...

- Leave me alone!

- Just take it easy.

- Will you let go of me?

You're hysterical!

Mrs Kelly... May I ask

what exactly was troubling you...

- It's Miss Froy.

- Who?

This very sweet English lady

who was in my compartment.

- Yes?

- We went and had tea.

Well, she had tea, Harriman's Herbal,

a million Mexicans drink it.

I very sensibly had

a large whisky and soda.

- Oh.

- We came back, I went to sleep...

- Passed out.

- Shut up, swine.

When I woke up, she was gone.

And now, everybody says

she was never there, she never existed.

Even the waiter who brought her tea,

even he says that he never saw her.

Now, are they all crazy

or am I crazy or what?

Hmm. Why don't we go and have

another talk with them?

Perhaps it's just a misunderstanding,

something to do with the language.

Come with me.

It's that one.

She speaks English as well as I do,

so go in there, tell her you're a doctor

and that I won't take any more of this.

Er, please forgive me. There seems

to have been a misunderstanding.

Misunderstanding?

Permit me to introduce myself.

My name is Dr Hartz, Dr Egon Hartz.

Dr Hartz? I am the Baroness Kisling.

I'm honoured, Baroness.

And may I present

my American friends, Mrs Kelly

and Mr Condon,

a famous American newspaperman.

The Baroness Kisling.

A great pleasure.

Mrs Kelly and I are travelling together,

though we have not been

formally introduced.

And now, this misunderstanding.

The English lady sitting there,

the one you said you never saw.

I say I did not see her

because I did not see her.

And I did not see her

because she was never here.

What about these other lovely people?

My servants and their daughter.

Ask them if you like.

She speaks no English.

hm, sagen Sie, knnen Sie sich

an eine englische Dame hier erinnern?

Mrs Kelly behauptet, sie wre gegenber

einer englischen Dame gesessen,

- die dann pltzlich verschwand.

- Nein.

Did your Miss Froy have a bag

or something?

Yes! A great big leather one.

She kept it right up...

there.

OK.

Well, a lot of other people saw her too.

Those two grumpy Englishmen in the

dining car and those two down there.

Please forgive us.

Sorry to disturb you. Remember

the English lady who fell in here?

(Man) An English lady who fell into

my compartment? No. no, I'm afraid not.

- Come on! I know you both saw.

- This is a little preposterous.

The answer is no. Will you excuse me?

That rat. I'm gonna find Miss Froy

if I have to stop this train!

(Robert) What about the guys

in the dining car?

That Englishman!

You there, Caldicott?

It's Charters. Can I come in?

- What is it, old man?

- It's that American girl again.

- Says she's lost her friend.

- Well, she's not in here.

No, no. She's threatening

to stop the train!

- Oh, Lord!

- We'll miss our connection to Basel.

- This is serious, Charters.

- That's him, that's him.

Hold on, please. I was wondering

if you could help us?

- Help you?

- I was having tea with an English lady.

- You saw her.

- I don't know, I was talking to my friend.

Absolutely.

You were at the next table playing

some game. She borrowed the sugar.

- I recall passing the sugar.

- Then you saw her.

I was in deep conversation.

We were discussing cricket.

I don't see how a dumb game like cricket

can make you forget seeing somebody.

Then there's nothing

further to be said. Excuse me.

- Excuse me.

- "Dumb game like cricket"!

Typical!

You saw her! I know you did!

- Mrs Kelly.

- But they saw her!

Mrs Kelly, please don't

misunderstand me.

I'm not a teetotaller myself. I do,

in fact, adore a drop of champagne.

But would you tell me how much...

I'm not even a little bit drunk!

You wanna see me walk

a straight line? Watch!

- See?

- (Train screeches)

- Are you all right?

- Yes.

- Why are we slowing down?

- I don't know.

(Train whistle)

(Amanda) What is it?

(Hartz) An accident.

Every holiday it is like this.

Last April I was in Klosters

for spring skiing.

First day, a girl went headfirst into a tree.

I spent three weeks operating on her.

In the end I saved her face

and ruined my holiday.

I hope she was very rich

and you charged her a fortune.

I did but it turned out she was having

an affair with the skiing instructor,

the husband found out and refused

to pay my bill. It's a terrible story.

We're stopping. You watch that side.

Make sure she doesn't get off.

Was ist los?

- Was ist geschehen?

- There goes the trainmaster.

Soon they'll all be shouting,

"Is there a doctor on the train?"

Wir suchen einen Mord.

I wish I could imitate your Miss Froy

and vanish.

- Somebody could be badly hurt.

- Yes, of course, you're right.

Excuse me. Here we go again.

- See anything?

- (Robert) Nothing.

That Dr Hartz, he's very sweet. Even if

he did almost call me an alcoholic.

- Why don't you marry him?

- Shut up.

- Every girl should marry a doctor once.

- Watch! Swine!

An automobile accident. The face.

Luckily there's an excellent hospital

in Mullenbach.

I can operate there.

O God, please, this time no amorous

skiing instructor, only a rich husband.

Vorsichtig. Ganz langsam.

(Train whistle)

Not one old lady did I see.

Me either. That means

she's still on this train.

You don't give up, do you?

Why did you lie to those people?

Lie? I just didn't want to get involved

in some sort of inquiry, that's all.

- Inquiry?

- That girl's capable of anything.

If some idiot woman has disappeared

and I'd seen her,

we'd both be called as witnesses,

wouldn't we?

So?

It might be difficult to explain what

we're doing larking about in Bavaria

when your husband thinks

you're on a cruise with your cousins

and my wife is under the impression

that I'm on confidential business

for the Prime Minister in Paris.

Larking about? Is that what we're doing?

Under the improbable name

of Todhunter.

Todhunter's a sweet name.

We had an Airedale named Todhunter.

I'm sure. Look, the last thing we want

is some sort of scandal.

- Is that the last thing we want?

- Yes. Yes, it is.

Oh.

You don't believe me because I'm a girl.

She could be in a concentration camp.

We've heard of concentration camps,

have we?

- Of course!

- This is a great moment.

The social conscience

meets the social register.

Excuse me. You know that lady

you're looking for?

- Yes.

- I saw her.

- She was wearing green tweeds?

- Yes.

- And a brown hat?

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