The Ladykillers Page #4

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TO HAVE MISSED YOU.

AND AS FOR ME, WELL,

I'M SAD TO SEE YOU GO.

GOTTA GET MY CELLO UPSTAIRS.

I ONLY HOPE YOU'VE ENJOYED I AS MUCH AS I HAVE.

INDEED WE HAVE, MADAM,

THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

GOOD-BYE, MAJOR COURTNEY.

AND I DO WISH YOU GOOD

FORTUNE IN YOUR TRAVELS.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH. OH,

INDEED, I DO. OH, I'M SO SORRY.

GOOD-BYE, PROFESSOR MARCUS.

GOOD-BYE, GENTLEMEN.

GOOD-BYE.

TOOTLE-OO.

MR. LAWSON, I MUST TELL YOU,

WHEN I WAS LISTENING TO YOUR PLAYING

OF THAT ANDANTE PASSAGE A WHILE AGO,

I THOUGHT IT THE MOST SENSITIVE

PLAYING I'D EVER HEARD.

YOU THOUGHT IT WAS GOOD, EH?

OH, YES. YES, INDEED.

BYE-BYE, MISSUS, LUV.

BYE-BYE, MRS. WILBERFORCE.

THANKS FOR THE NICE TEA

AND EVERYTHING.

NOT AT ALL.

GOOD-BYE. GOOD-BYE.

WHAT IS THAT MORON PLAYING AT?

IT'S STUCK IN THE DOOR.

THE CASE IS STUCK-

WELL, RING THE BELL, BRAINS.

DON'T JUST STAND THERE.

THANK YOU.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, MRS. WILBERFORCE.

EVERYTHING'S UNDER CONTROL. GOOD-BYE.

GOOD-BYE.

GET OVER IN THE CAR THERE.

HEY, THAT'S MY MONEY.

GO ON. WAIT A MINUTE. STOP AND THINK.

WE HAVEN'T THE TIME. DRIVE

ON. I SAID WAIT A MINUTE!

WHAT ARE WE:

GOING TO DO ABOUT HER?

MAKE YOUR MIND UP.

I TELL YOU,

WE MUST DO SOMETHING. SHE KNOWS.

SHE SAW THE MONEY. SHE'LL TALK. AND MY

PICTURE'S ON FILE AND SO IS HARRY'S AND YOURS.

IF THEY TAKE HER DOWN TO THE GALLERY, SHE'LL

SHOP US. THEY'VE GOT OUR FINGERS AND THUMBS.

PROFESSOR MARCUS, I DON' QUITE KNOW HOW TO SAY THIS-

I SUPPOSE YOU'RE WONDERING ABOU THE MONEY IN MR. LAWSON'S CELLO CASE.

WHY, IT'S ONLY NATURAL

THAT YOU SHOULD.

I DON'T THINK WE TOLD YOU THAT MR. LAWSON

SOLD HIS BUTCHER SHOP IN HAMMERSMITH.

THAT'S RIGHT, I DID. YES,

YES. HE GOT THE CASH FOR IT...

'CAUSE THERE WASN' TIME TO, UH, WRITE A CHECK.

I STILL DON' QUITE UNDERSTAND.

YOU'RE WONDERING

ABOUT THE MUSIC.

YOU'RE WONDERING

HOW MR. LAWSON...

UH, IS ABLE TO PLAY...

WITHOUT A CELLO.

YES, BUT-

YES, HE'S GOING

ON THIS TOUR,

AND ALL HE'S GOT IN THERE IS-

AND NO CELLO.

WE MUST GET HER OUT OF HERE.

A SNATCH?

GET HER INTO THE CAR.

- GOOD AFTERNOON, LOUISA.

- AFTERNOON, AMELIA.

DO COME IN. THESE ARE-

OH, THEN YOU WERE ABLE

TO STAY TO TEA AFTER ALL.

HOW VERY, VERY NICE.

WHAT AN EXCITING SURPRISE.

WE'LL HAVE TO TAKE THEM BOTH.

WE'VE GOT TO GET AWAY.

EXCUSE ME, WON'T YOU?

PROFESSOR MARCUS

- CONSTANCE, GOOD AFTERNOON. AND HYPATIA. HOW ARE YOU?

LET ME PRESEN THESE GENTLEMEN.

AMELIA, YOU'VE MET PROFESSOR

MARCUS AND THIS IS MAJOR COURTNEY.

HYPATIA, HAVE YOU

MET MAJOR COURTNEY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK

WE SHOULD DO, CHARTER A BUS?

MR. ROBINSON AND MR. HARVEY.

LETTICE, OH, DEAR. OH,

LOUISA, I'M SO SORRY I'M LATE.

LADIES, LADIES.

WOULD YOU ALL PLEASE STEP

INTO MY SITTING ROOM?

LADIES, LADIES.

THERE'S BEEN A TERRIBLE ROBBERY

AT KING'S CROSS STATION...

AT 1:
00 THIS AFTERNOON.

OH, HAVE YOU A PAPER?

MAY I SEE THE LATEST TEST SCORE?

A ROBBERY?

AT KING'S CROSS STATION?

YES, IT MUST HAVE BEEN

TERRIBLY EXCITING.

THE PAPER SAYS THE GANGSTERS

- WHAT IS THE SCORE?

AUSTRALIA ALL OUT FOR 60,000.

YES. THE PAPERS SAY THAT THE POLICE ARE NOT CERTAIN

- THREE HUNDRED AND TEN.

THEY'RE OUT FOR 310.

THEY'RE NOT CERTAIN HOW THE MONEY

WAS BROUGHT FROM THE STATION.

SIXTY THOUSAND POUNDS,

THEY SAY IT IS.

LADIES, LADIES, PLEASE.

DO YOU MIND?

YOU'LL STEP INTO THE SITTING ROOM FOR A

FEW MINUTES. I'LL BE WITH YOU IN A MOMENT,

BUT I'VE SOMETHING OF A VERY PRIVATE

NATURE TO SAY TO THESE GENTLEMEN.

CONSTANCE, I CAN'T HELP IT.

I'M VERY SORRY.

HYPATIA, I WAS ASKING YOU

TO STEP INTO THE SITTING ROOM.

OH, BUT I WANT TO TALK TO MAJOR

COURTNEY. I CAN'T HELP IT, MY DEAR.

SLIP OUT, MOVE THE CAR INTO

THE NEXT ROW. ALL RIGHT.

UH-UH.

LEAVE THAT HERE.

PROFESSOR MARCUS, I TAKE IT THERE'S NO

NEED FOR ME TO LOOK AT THE NEWSPAPER.

INDEED, I THOUGHT NOT.

I AM SHOCKED:

BY THIS REVELATION.

SHOCKED AND APPALLED.

AND I MUST TELL YOU,

ALL OF YOU-

WHERE'S MR. ROBINSON GONE? HE'LL, UH

- HE'LL BE BACK IN A MOMENT.

OH. NOW, LOOK, MISSUS,

WE HAVEN'T GOT MUCH TIME.

LOUISA, YOU'VE ONLY

LAID FIVE PLACES.

SURELY THESE GENTLEMEN

ARE STAYING FOR TEA.

THEY WANT TO PLAY TO US.

NO, I DON'T-

OH, NO. I'M SORRY,

BUT WE MUSTN'T PRESS THEM.

OH, LET THEM PLAY, LOUISA.

WE CAN'T PRESS THEM, LETTICE,

I'M SORRY. THEY MUST HURRY.

IT'D BE NICE WHEN WE'RE

HAVING OUR TEAS. COME, DEAR.

YES, WE WILL HAVE THEM

BY AND BY.

NOW, AMELIA,

IF YOU DON'T MIND.

THEY'LL ALL COME.

I ASSURE YOU.

YES, I DO ASSURE YOU.

YOU KNOW, AT THE BOTTOM OF THE

GARDEN THERE'S A MOST JOLLY LITTLE-

HYPATIA, DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME SAY

WE'LL JUST GO IN THE SITTING ROOM?

YES, GO IN. I'M SURE

THEY'LL COME BY AND BY.

LOUISA, I THINK

IT'S VERY UNFAIR.

WELL,

THERE'S NOTHING FOR IT.

YOU'LL HAVE TO COME IN.

BUT PLEASE REMEMBER THIS, THESE ARE

SOME OF MY OLDEST AND CLOSEST FRIENDS.

THEY MUSTN'T GET THE SLIGHTES INKLING OF THIS DISGRACEFUL AFFAIR.

OH, REALLY. THIS IS THE

MOST EMBARRASSING POSITION.

EMBARRASSING AND HUMILIATING.

SIMPLY TRY FOR ONE HOUR

TO BEHAVE LIKE GENTLEMEN.

ALL RIGHT, MA'AM.

NO, PLEASE.

NOW WE WILL GO IN.

? DARLING, I AM GROWING OLD?

? SILVER THREADS

AMONG THE GOLD?

? SHINE UPON MY BROW TODAY?

? LIFE IS FADING FAST AWAY?

? BUT, MY DARLING, YOU WILL BE

? WILL BE?

? EVER AS YOUNG

AND FAIR TO ME?

GOOD-BYE, LADIES.

GOOD-BYE.

I THOUGHT THEY'D NEVER GO HOME.

MRS. WILBERFORCE, I DON' THINK YOU QUITE UNDERSTAND...

THE INTRICACIES OF THIS

PARTICULAR SITUATION.

LET ME TRY TO EXPLAIN,

MRS. WILBERFORCE.

YOU SEE, IN THIS CASE, IT WOULD

DO NO GOOD TO TAKE THE MONEY BACK.

STRANGE AS IT MAY SEEM TO YOU,

NOBODY WANTS THE MONEY BACK.

DON'T EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT.

BUT IT'S TRUE,

MRS. WILBERFORCE.

YOU SEE, THIS PARTICULAR

SHIPMENT OF MONEY WAS INSURED.

SO NOW THE INSURANCE COMPANY SIMPLY

PAYS TO THE FACTORY 60,000 POUNDS,

AND THEN, IN ORDER

TO RECOVER ITS MONEY,

IT PUTS ONE FARTHING ON ALL THE

PREMIUMS, ON ALL THE POLICIES...

FOR ALL THE NEXT YEAR.

YOU SEE?

SO HOW MUCH REAL HARM

HAVE WE DONE ANYBODY?

ONE FARTHING'S WORTH,

MRS. WILBERFORCE.

YOU HADN'T THOUGH OF IT LIKE THAT, HAD YOU?

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? I NEVER

THOUGHT OF IT LIKE THAT EITHER.

SURELY IT ISN' AS SIMPLE AS ALL THAT.

I ASSURE YOU, IF WE TRIED

TO TAKE THE MONEY BACK NOW,

IT WOULD SIMPLY:

CONFUSE THE WHOLE ISSUE.

THEY WOULDN'T EVEN TAKE IT BACK.

THAT'S PERFECTLY TRUE.

OH, BUT IT'S

QUITE RIDICULOUS.

BEFORE YOU SPEAK,

MRS. WILBERFORCE,

HAS IT OCCURRED:

TO YOU TO WONDER...

WHY FIVE SUCH MEN AS OURSELVES

SHOULD HAVE BEEN DRIVEN TO THIS?

WHY WE SHOULD RISK APPREHENSION,

PUBLIC HUMILIATION, DISGRACE?

THERE IS NOT ONE AMONGST US...

WHO IS NOT BURDENED

WITH RESPONSIBILITIES TO OTHERS.

MAJOR, TELL HER.

TELL HER YOUR OWN STORY.

NO, NO, I-

OH, PLEASE, CLAUDE. TELL HER.

WELL, IT'S JUST THA - WELL, AT THIS VERY MOMENT, MRS. WILBERFORCE,

THERE IS WAITING AN INVALID,

A DEAR, SWEET, LITTLE OLD LADY-

NOT, MAY HEAVEN BLESS HER,

NOT UNLIKE YOURSELF-

WAITING WITH PATIENT SERENITY,

BUT WITH HIGH HOPE...

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